Inheritance - I feel slighted

[LadyGaGasPokerFace]

I know the consensus on MN is that ‘you can leave and divide your assets to anyone’ but I’m feeling very slighted today after going to a will reading and feel like me and dc have been done over.
So, df passed 5 years ago. I knew the will as both df and dm showed me. It was very transparent that it was 50/50 with my sibling. If I popped my clogs it’d go to my dc. Fair enough. Sibling has no dc or spouse. Extremely lazy with regards to everything in life including never moving out of the family home. Never paid any bills, parents did, even the council tax when parent became widowed.
Other parent passed a few months ago and we went to the will reading recently. After the passing, sibling kept referring to parent as taking taxis to places, which is pretty unbelievable as parent doesn’t speak English very well and relies on us to do things for them.
Just been to the will reading and they have left me a quarter of the estate to me and changed the will. The other sibling has got 3/4 and no mention of dc in the will. I was told parent took taxi to solicitors and they sorted it themselves. Bearing in mind that they cannot use PIN machines/cash machines and needs either myself or sibling to sort.
Anyway. Over lockdown this parent became unwell and called police on sibling and claiming claiming they had ‘stolen’ their house and they had nothing to give to their grandchildren. I found the deeds online and showed the police and sibling, that this was not the case and it was left at that.
I now feel that coercion has taken place and feel that the will had been changed in favour of sibling. Urgh! I haven’t a clue what to do, but sibling was made executor 🤦🏼‍♀️ who even admitted to the solicitor that they are ‘useless’ with these things —understatement of the century—
I’m now left reeling that we have been ‘downgraded’ on the will that the 1st parent agreed to as they knew dc would inherit via me.
Oh, I don’t know what I want, but I feel like I’ve been kicked in the teeth with this.
Sorry it’s long 😳
NB apologies if I’ve missed anything and drip feed, it’s quite long and complicated.

@ladygagaspokerface I suggest you tell your sibling that either they share both uncle and parents estate equally or you will be reporting them to the police for fraud.

Separate out the two issues, from what you have said both your parents had wills that were 50:50 with your 50% going to your DD if you predeceased. Hold onto this, the original wills are a true reflection of how your parents loved you and you DD.

The much more recent will was, as you state, written at a time your DM was in declining health and may have been susceptible to coercion. It is not reflective of her love for you and your DD.

WRT the will, at least you have been left 25%. The question is how much you would have to spend financially and emotionally to potentially secure a higher %.

IANAL and others on here may be able to advise. There are some low cost steps I think you could take e.g. asking NHS for a copy of your Mums records including the signature you reference. Asking the solicitor who drew up the will for a copy of the notes they took e.g. who went with your Mum, why she reduced your %. You may also be able to write to the two witnesses and ask for their recollections of witnessing your Mums signature.

This info may help you work out if there is a good case for pursuing this further.

I’ve been speaking with my best friend of 40 years and she’s actually shocked and disgusted by it. She knows our family very well and even she thinks it stinks of manipulation.

The fact that the solicitor admitted that my dm didn’t understand the big words also makes me think she didn’t know what she was doing.

@LadyGaGasPokerFace I understand you are grieving and also seething at the same time = emotional and overwhelmed!
If you can, try and compartmentalise. Take some time out to grieve. Then when you are ready (but think you have to act within 6 months - not sure exactly), try to separate emotion from fact - the facts of the financial situation and the facts of what you can legally do.
There is lots of information on line. See my previous post but also there is a legal process for asking for the notes the solicitor took when your mother went to them to alter her will. Solicitors have to take contemporary notes to ensure circumstances are in order e.g. person is in sane mind, no coercion, who was present at the time etc. In other words that all was correct, in order and the person did what they did of their own free will (and was medically and mentally in a position to do so). This could shed more light and be a good starting point.

So I had a phone call from my sibling earlier. Looking for a council tax bill. I’d seen it on the kitchen table a few weeks back and asked me to look at it as he wasn’t sure he got his 25%. Had a quick look and put it back in the envelope on the kitchen table to confirm this. Today he asked me if I had it. Said I don’t think so, I’ll look in the file I have that I’ve put together. All organised by me of course. The solicitor has asked in a letter for utilities and council tax bills. It seems he’s lost them 🤦🏼‍♀️ he makes a great executor. The original will had both of us as executors, I’ve been taken off 🤔

@ladygagaspokerface are you going to look into the house your uncle left?

{Today he asked me if I had it. Said I don’t think so, I’ll look in the file I have that I’ve put together. All organised by me of course. The solicitor has asked in a letter for utilities and council tax bills. It seems he’s lost them 🤦🏼‍♀️ he makes a great executor. The original will had both of us as executors, I’ve been taken off 🤔}

That to me would be a 'red flag' in common MN parlance.
I hope you are well, safe and remain strong.
In the box of paperwork I eventually received from 'my' first solicitors (only 4 years late) I found a letter from a totally random person from another part of the UK who was discussing compensation for hearing loss from a work incident.
Basically careless paperwork handling which sums up the whole proceedings. Not to mention data protection issues.

It might be worth looking at the Will file to see if they added notes about your mum and who the whitenesses are.

Otherwise, my advice is you are going to spend a huge amount of money, time, energy and emotions fighting this and likely to not any great success.

How much is the estate worth as solicitors fees can easily take over entire estates.

(On a side note I actually agree with the commenter about one of the solicitors she mentioned being horrific).

{(On a side note I actually agree with the commenter about one of the solicitors she mentioned being horrific).}
I have written evidence spanning 5 years of Solicitors being abusive with this sort of nonsense. I instructed them carefully what to be looking out for at the very first meeting (ID check as I am an executor) which they ignored. This is why I have been made suicidal.

I can imagine. They truly were awful. They basically couldn't be bothered and their costs were unbelievable. It was near £400 to send a bill and £3000 at the end for nothing but a 6 week retainer! Horrible and immoral company.

I hope no one minds me coming back to this?

So, not too much to update, apart from my sibling coming to stay with us on holiday. Dh left before sibling arrived, which was a good call as dh is furious and wants to stay out of it all. He was just seething.
Sibling stayed with us for 3 nights and not much was said or touched on from his end. Very sheepish. I was keeping my cards close to my chest and was tight lipped. I know if I Rick the boat, he’d obstruct probate and I’d have to go through legal channels (costly), so I’m like my username.
I’ve got back today and a letter has arrive from the funeral home. I paid half already in good faith and shortly after one of my mums accounts was released and that’s been covered. The other half still needs paying which the solicitor is supposed to be dealing with. I messaged sibling to ask what us this solicitor doing? He said that getting solicitor involved ‘complicates’ things. I replied ‘I’m not sorting this out, I’m not the executor’. Touché! No reply funnily enough 🤔
I’m furious that I’ve been sent a ‘reminder’ about settling the funeral bill. This was either for sibling to settle or the solicitor not mugging here!!! I’m calling them Monday and then will —shout at— call the solicitor.

You are a lot better person than me for allowing your sibling to stay. Staying silent and making it clear they are the executor so have to deal with probate and bills is the right way to proceed.

Anyone know how we can stop this happening?

we have a strong suspicion sibling is using coercive control to access a remaining parents funds- about 700k in total. We know 200k is gone, spent on “home improvements” for siblings house. Sibling has justified this by saying it’s because parent will move in when needed, but also has said parent will go into a care home when they need full time care

lots of other red flags for coercive control. Parent isn’t incompetent but has allowed sibling to take bank cards and manage all monies via online banking.

what can we do? Who do we report it to? There is no POA set up.

will is set up 50:50 but it looks like it will be 50% of nothing.

@Notanotherusername4321 My sibling is doing something very similar. I have decided to be the bigger person because it will upset my remaining parent. If it comes to my parent needing the money that is no longer there I will involve the police and SS.

Age concern have advice about financial abuse of the elderly.www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/financial-abuse/ There is a helpline about halfway down the page.

People do outrageous things when it comes to wills and money. You can let it eat you up or you can get on with life and pity then that they are that desperate.

@pompomdaisy yes, pity my sibling as they’re such a loser. I remember when I moved out of my parents house (I’m younger) and sibling remained. They were desperate to get rid of sibling and for them to move out so they could enjoy their retirement. Instead, they got left with an overgrown arse toddler.

I actually sat and talked with dh about this and said I don’t want it consuming me. They’ll have a lonely life after all this is sorted and I hope either Karma gets them or the guilt will eat away at them.

I and DH have made wills that protect ... against all of the estate (the house basically, we don’t have much else) going to a debt e.g. care home fees.

How is that legally possible?

I have decided to be the bigger person because it will upset my remaining parent. If it comes to my parent needing the money that is no longer there I will involve the police and SS

surely it’s better to stop the money being disappeared to start with? If it’s gone when the parent needs it’s gone, and the chances of getting it back are slim.

might try that age concern number and talk it through.

I would immediately raise your concerns with your sibling. Lay them out as you have here. They either addess them or you cut them completely out of your life immediately.
They have had a free ride. Cannot believe ypu had them.to stay. Just get assertive here. Be ready to cut out- choices thry made affect you now you need to deliver consequences. Solicitor is also taking you for a ride- tell them you are not dealing with anything, send all to your sibling.

At the moment I am watching and waiting for the next request for money. I am also clearly stating to my parent they need to keep hold of the money and that seems to have put a stop for now.

If you are having your sibling to stay I imagine you want to keep a good family relationship going forward. Therefore you can't do anything as it seems likely they have done something dodgy. Questioning their behaviour may cause issues between you and them.

At the moment I am watching and waiting for the next request for money. I am also clearly stating to my parent they need to keep hold of the money and that seems to have put a stop for now

ah so they are asking for it and the parent is giving it to them voluntarily? Are they competent? Because I think if they are it’s tough, as they have every right to give money to who they want.

in our case we think sibling is just taking it, parent has handed over banking to them and parent is being told what they can and can’t buy.

@ladygagaspokerface It's lovely you are still having your sibling to stay and enjoying a close relationship despite them screwing you over twice, once with this house and once with the uncles. My fiances mother deliberately trashed a valuable family portrait because her cousin inherited and she wanted it. The cousin paid the four thousand pound repair bill, publicly forgave her and tried to maintain a good relationship with her. They only exchanged Christmas cards which his mother stopped eventually as she wasn't bothered about the relationship. However I admire how the cousin tried to be the bigger person and have a good family relationship just like you are. Says a lot for her character!