Being prepared - possible divorce

[isthistheendtakeabreath]

I know I need legal advice and I will get it but I suppose I like to be prepared mentally for what's likely to happen

In summary
I earn £65k he earns £25k
Married 10 years together 20
3 young children
House is mortgaged and worth £330k - mortgage is currently £180k - the mortgage is a tenancy in common 75% split to me but I believe being married trumps that

I have pensions so does he but obviously mine are worth more as I earn more

No one gave up work for children - both work full time

In an ideal world I'd like to buy him out - I'm guessing the equity would need to be split 50/50? . He would only be able to have the kids 2 nights per fortnight (due to work)
I'd be happy to forgo CMS if he didn't make a claim on my pension?

I suppose I'm wondering if this is reasonable?

In our area he could rent a 2 bed flat with his salary/equity - he definitely wouldn't be able to buy on his single salary.

Why is the max equity you can give him 50%? Your mortgage raising capability is far in excess of that. In theory you could remortgage the house and pay him substantially more.

Several people have explained the pensions v CMS issue. The problem is that the agreement is only binding for a year - no matter what you agree / sign. So you could agree to waive CMS to keep your pension. And then a year later apply to the CMS and it would supersede your agreement.

How many bedrooms does the current house have? If more than needed you may be deemed to be overhoused. Even if not, if he can show property particulars that allow you both to be housed with the capital available plus each of your mortgage raising capability - you can be forced to sell and split.

Moving 40 mins may be deemed to be reasonable. If you want to move hundreds of miles away, your ex can apply to the courts to prevent you, and may well be successful if they agree that it will be damaging to his relationship with them.

You cannot insist he moves across the country with him. And you can't just decide he has to live in a rental on his far lower income.

As for staying in the house until the children get free 30 hours, you may be able to get a mesher order. But these are rare, and I think you'd struggle as the higher earner.

I suggest you have a frank conversation with a lawyer, because your expectations are out of line with reality.

After a long-ish marriage with children, the courts will ideally want to see you on an equal footing, both appropriately housed, and both able to maintain good relationships with the children.

We have a 3 bed currently

I can only afford 50% equity because that's all I can afford based on additional monthly repayments with a childcare bill of £2k per month. As you must know that hugely affects affordability when calculating what a mortgage lender will give. I know that as we were looking at moving or remortgage for house renovations until things went south until very recently

I don't expect him to move. I'm just saying If neither of us are tied to where we live currently both for work or emotionally and we can both afford a house of equal proportions somewhere cheaper then surely that's a good solution?

There is no way to make us equal that I can see and stay in this area.

Even if he got 100% of the equity his mortgage raising capacity is so small that he still wouldn't be able to buy in this area and I'd have zero deposit so would be unable to buy as well so I don't see how that benefits anyone - most of all the children 🧒

But I do have an appointment with a lawyer over the next few days

I would think you should expect 50/50 split on total assets. You earn more so could argue more in his favour, but you are retaining primary custody of the children so that would arguably offset somewhat.

Depends if the judge will give weight to the 70/30 split on house before you were married. If that carries weight you could argue giving up 20% extra of equity is equalling for the pension disparity. But it would be naive to think you get to keep half the house and a vastly better pension. You're going to have to compromise somewhere.

@HowcanIhelp123

Yes I see where you are coming from

If he has more than half the house then we have no choice but to move and I need to think about our options when it comes to that

The childcare issue is finite (as presumably costs will decrease when they start school) it might be preferable for you both to agree that one of you will rent for a couple of years and then sell/buy when your affordability has improved.

@Sunshinegirl82

Yes once the twins hit 30 hours it should go down although before/after school club would still be around £1200 a month for the 3

This all hinges of course on how amenable / legal he wants to get

That's a lot for wrap around care! Are you maxing out your tax free childcare? We pay £12.50ish a day before the TFC deduction. We're SE and that seems fairly standard.

@Sunshinegirl82

It's £400 per child - that's morning and evening with a hot dinner. 5 days per week.
It's not via a school - just a lady that does it. The school club is full and never has any spaces and there is maybe only 1 other childminder who covers that's school

She isn't signed up to TFC unfortunately- I don't mind so much when it's just for our oldest but when all 3 go not having the deduction is going to be a big hit