Divorcing my husband who wants to sell the house & I don't

[Blackjeans88]

Background info : married for 3 years, 2 children (5 months & 2 years old) marriage has broken down. We own a house we purchased together in 2020 for £355k. My parents gifted us £155k, husband paid 30k and we got a mortgage for the rest. My parents loaned us 20k for the garage conversion with the plan I will work out of there once I return after children. Husband had house valued and now around £425k.

I want to stay in the house with the children. I however am pretty much financially dependent. No savings and currently no job as children are so small. Husband has job that pays 40k and a small amount of savings of 15k.

He wants to sell the house and split it 50/50. He is 'happy' to go to court. I do not want to go court at all. So can he force me to sell? I've looked and feel a mesher order, although not ideal could mean I can stay in the house possibly? I'm just very worried and stressed.

I'm also aware as we are married that our money is joint but just included the source of it due to the emotional ties that come with it.

Who will pay the mortgage and bills to allow you to stay in the house? You cannot expect your ex on a salary of £40k to continue to pay the mortgage/ bills and also house himself.

You seem wholly unrealistic about the realities of divorce. Perhaps a session with a lawyer would allow you to start to come to terms with your situation and what your options are.

@Marchmount am I unrealistic or am I just asking a question? No need to be horrible.

I can pay the bills myself. Luckily my parents are well off and more than happy to help out. Stick that up your ar*e

Thank you to everyone who gave helpful advice. I have seen a great solicitor (Mercy Messenger, has anyone else used her? Fab woman!)

It seems it would be in my husbands interest to settle out of court as although my parents do have money to assist me obviously thay holds zero weight in court and although he is not a big earner I am even worse off!

Fingers crossed going forward

P.s. not everyone is trying to screw their husband for money, I just want to stay in my home!

Well if your parents are minted & prepared to bankroll their adult child indefinitely then get them to buy him out & they can pay off/ take on the mortgage. Expecting him to pay for your living costs or stay on the mortgage for the next 15+ years post-divorce is not realistic. He should pay child maintenance but you won’t get a huge amount as he only earns a £40k salary.

Good luck OP. Your parents paid for the majority of equity in the house so far, you want to stay in it and raise your children in it, why shouldn't you.

I do think you may need to consider a return to work, possibly full time, faster than you might want. That could be the thing you have to suck up here. As a single parent myself if I recall correctly I got help with nursery fees from age 2 so the first year was hardest. Use the entitled to website to see what you'll get now and later.

I don't know why anyone thought there was a problem with trying to stay in your home particularly as your parents paid for most of it. In my own case I bought my husband out and kept our house. Children like that stability too. It is a good plan.

Purchased house for £355k
He paid £30k towards it which is about 11-12%
You/your parents contributed £155k which is about 55%

House has increased in value by 20%
He is due about £36,000 from his initial investment
You/your parents are due about £186,000 on your initial investment

If the house is worth £425k now that leaves £203,000. Mortgage settled for £170,000 (Probably less now), pay parents back the £20k so £190,000. So you can split the increase in value 50/50 which is £13000 or £6500 each.

He aint looking at much of a windfall on his £30k.......

Quick math but happy to be corrected

I reckon he has £12500 plus his initial deposit in that house. £42,500

Good sums. He is not sue much back. In rare cases a lower earner whether male or female get 60% or even more of the family's net equity in all assets (my husband got 59% as earned a tenth that I did) but certainly here I see no reason the husband would get too much.

@BetterFuture1985 love it:)

Great descriptions, and I'd say you're spot on. ((Well, I'm only familiar with 2 divorces myself - mine (amicable), and my now DP's (balls on the mantelpiece), but from my extensive reading of Mumsnet.com I'd say you're right about the rest.)
I'm looking at the law exams atm and I have to say, common law is a funny thing...

@Marchmount when did I ever say I expected him to pay for my living costs?! Parent aren't bankrolling their adult child, they would help me cover the mortgage to assist me and their grandchildren to stay in a nice home. Once again I want nothing finacially just want to stay in my home with my children.

In response to other, more helpful responses. Yes I am self employed so happily will go back full time, I don't mind that particularly, wasn't the longterm goal but to assist in keeping the house I will do what I need to!

Thank you for the rough ideas on sums.

Mercy has a great reputation! Good luck OP

Family Law is so discretionary that my solicitor almost laughed when I asked if there was any legal principle that would give us a clear idea of the outcome.

Take housing "needs" for example. One judge might think rented is insecure and where there is children the resident parent needs to own. Another might think rented is the norm for most children these days. A third might think rented is fine but if there's equity to be shared around it might affect the weaker party's benefits. Then they'll make completely different decisions following the same legal principle.

My solicitor said her priority was managing expectations of both parties and avoiding the lottery of court. We went through a collaborative approach in the most part but my ex-wife kept telling lies about how much childcare she did compared to me that were pushed by her solicitor so we came very close to ending up in court. In the end I sucked up the BS to settle, but then called her bluff by making her lies come true. She expected me to just carry on doing the 40% childcare whilst she got child maintenance and a bigger share of the equity based on her false claim that she did 70% (this is a golden figure by the way, where things can get a lot more enriching for the resident parent). I basically said I couldn't do the extra days anymore, she's had to cut her hours and I've also increased my pension contributions (reducing the child maintenance) to replenish the money (about £30k) that she gained through deception. I've very bluntly said if she's short of cash she can equity release. (PS: I know manipulating child maintenance is normally poor form, but she used a lot of dirty tricks and threats and I have a golden rule that I only go as far as reversing her dirty tricks and no more).

@BetterFuture1985 I don't think you should have written that, you'll be absolutely slaughtered on here...
I hope that you've recovered money wise at least somewhat, I've seen what a "I want a lot" type person can do to a man..

Oh, they can slaughter away. Everyone's divorce is different. My ex played hard and fast with the truth. All I've done is made her lies come true.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to reduce child maintenance payments legally through pension contributions when the recipient is someone who told lies to get more of the said pension.

Your parents gifted you the money on the understanding it was for your benefit, didn't they? If they didn't ringfence it they made a verbal contract with you and your H that it would be returned to them in the event of early divorce, didn't they. I'm sure they did because this may alter what a court awards you, if your parents made it clear, even verbally it was for your and childrens benefit if the marriage broke down. They will confirm this conversation as will you. H will probably deny but if its the truth it may affect the award. discuss with solicitor this outcome.

What does he say when you say that he really shouldn’t be entitled to half your parents money?

If you want to protect your home for your kids, as is understandable, then go to war with your husband, especially if he is willing to put the family home up for sale.

Go to war for what? It's extremely unlikely she would get a Mesher Order with children that young and such a short marriage. I think the house would be ordered to be sold and for each of them to get back out what they put in.

Also I think a Mesher Order would be a terrible deal for the OP. As compensation for using his entire mortgage capacity for over a decade she would probably have to agree a split on sale of 50/50 (remember in divorce she will be assumed to have an earning capacity and be expected to maximise it which in time will not be hugely different to £40k) when right now she could probably walk away with 75%, get her own mortgage and keep what she pays for.

As in, she will fight tooth and nail, for victory of keeping the house.

Even if legally she may not win, it just needs to appear to her dh, that she may have a good chance of victory to make him settle,

If you have an army, but don't want to use the cannons, but you have them , why not roll them out so to speak, to convince or at least appear your willing do use any tactics necessary, and if the bluff is called, then use the best methods available.

More likely this Mercy person will get a fat fee and the house will be ordered to be sold.

Also, a Mesher is riddled with risk. If you're facing 14 years being locked out of capital its actually less onerous to go bankrupt and have your share of the house repossessed. It takes about 5 years to clean up a credit rating, less than half the time to get back on the property ladder.

Fair point, but if the op gives in, then her dh has certainly won, plus it's all based on chance, why not battle especially when it's for the children