Child arrangement order can I get one?

[Mummybear1993]

My ex has decided not to have contact with the children directly or indirectly whilst they are minors. He has written this in a solicitor's letter to me and a letter to the children.
I want to go on holiday. My ex gives his permission but he wants me to give him at least 28 days notice every time we want to leave the country for a holiday and know departure airport, arrival airport, date of hol and where we are staying. He will provide the consent letter not less than 14 days before.
I feel this is controlling given that it doesn't affect his contact with the children, as he doesn't want to see them.
Just had a MIAM session and they will sign the C100 form. Given we agree on where the children will reside will the court agree to a child arrangement order?

By the way my children didn't find contact difficult. What they found difficult was their father only allowing thirty minutes of virtual contact time a week. They were also told off if they got in touch with him outside this window of time because he was too busy with his son and his wife and they would only be in contact with him for 30 mins every Wednesday.
He then mocked them on quizzes they played online as my daughter aged 10 at the time didn't know what made up an atom. You could hear him and his wife chortling in the background when they answered questions wrong. I sat behind the screen of the laptop once and wrote the answers on paper. Needless to say they were surprised and the laughing soon stopped: the questions were way out of their depth for their age. It was humiliating and the children came away from the thirty min call upset and realised their dad hadn't actually spoken to them he had just played a game. I didn't stop the contact.
My daughter asked for more time one day and her dad said no he was busy. So she said if you can't give me more time, then don't bother. He replied in a message with ok, I respect your wishes so we will stop all contact via zoom. Sad story.

@Mia85 the OP won't necessarily get that especially if he has enough money for a solicitor and is a controlling dick.

Won't necessarily get what?

I was answering your question of what a court can give you beyond the existing 'agreement'. The Children Act provides that if you get a CAO saying the children live with you then you can take them out of the country for a month without the need for written consent (assuming no other court order preventing it). That would be a solution to the worries the OP has. Whether she wants to go through the stress of it or risk him applying for contact is a Q for her but on the face of it it's difficult to see how she wouldn't get a lives with CAO given the children are with her, he doesn't want them living with him, they don't want to live with him and he has put in writing that he doesn't even want to see them.

Just ask for a specific steps order to allow you to take the children out of the country for reasonable holidays without having to ask for his permission.

Include his solicitor letter where he wishes to have no contact. The judge will get his measure.

£215 . C100 from HMCTS. He will be asked to mediate. Will either refuse (go straight to court). Or agree .. after writing such a letter via a solicitor.. what on Earth stand can he take ?

Agree with @prh47bridge. Although if you can afford it I would suggest a solicitor first. A robust letter highlighting the controlling behaviour and in fact a reasonable solution is that you can take the children out of the country for up to 28 days without his consent, might be the end of it. If not apply for the CAO.

If he doesn’t want to see his children I can’t see a judge being happy with his proposal.

Does he pay Child maintenance? I would be concerned with his proposal that he may be trying to get that reduced. So you will suddenly find before your next holiday he is withholding consent, unless you reduce payments. Maybe me being cyclical, but how concerned can be be for his childrens welfare if he doesn’t want to see them?

Having read his letter, what a knob!

He's used covid as an excuse to basically fuck off into the sunset with his new family.

New wife best be on her guard least he does it to her too.

I've taken my kids abroad (outside the EU too) without their dad and no one asked me anything. We all have the same surname though.

Tbh, I don't think they tend to question mothers

Wouldn't fake any documents, have you spoken to a lawyer? Without consent orders, he may not be able to make the stipulations he is demanding, as that wouldn't be something that a 'normal' separated parent would expect. I would have thought that he would need to have that in court orders?

What an absolute twat to remove himself from his children's life.

No one could stop me being in my daughters life and no one did.

I am normally very pro dad but I would say f*ck him and give a two finger salute in his direction when you leave the UK on an airplane.

You need a CAO to put a stop to this sort of nonsense
He clearly doesn’t give a toss about his children this is all about seeking any means of continuing to control you.
If you have a CAO with a lives with you as the resident parent you can take them out of the country for up to 28 days anyway. Based on the fact he wants nothing to do with them that’s not going to be difficult to get.

Don’t be bullied by this deadbeat dad anymore

@Mummybear1993

Isn't it illegal to go abroad without their permission if they have PR? I just thought a child arrangement order would give us the freedom from someone so controlling and have it set in writing his decision not to see the children. Are you saying it's not worth the hassle? Should I just ask for his permission? Who even checks these things?

In the 15 years I've been separated from ex once never once asked his permission or asked by any border control if I had permission. I have the same surname as the children.

Fuck that op.

Call his bluff. Apply for a residence order (or whatever they're called now, mine is 8 years old) and take that bloody email with you as evidence that a) he doesn't actually WANT to see them and B) despite a), he's being an utter bastard about making you jump through fucking hoops just to take a holiday that he actually doesn't care about, just wants to fuck you off

Remember, solicitors will write whatever their clients want. I am actually gobsmacked that he, and his solicitor, have put those comments in writing to you.

With any luck you'll have a judge with half a brain who can see him for what he's worth.

Oh, and apply for it yourself - work out the form, pay the fee and turn up. Court wasn't the scary place I feared it would be, and you have zero reasons to worry about him.

Still can't believe he's had a solicitor write that to you. Fucker.

Oh, and yes, officially either parent does need consent from the other (with pr) if they travel outside British jurisdiction. I've only been asked to produce my documents once, but the thought of my ex kicking up a fuss, or being challenged at a border wasn't worth it.

It costs a couple of hundred quid to get this sorted op. Self-rep when you get to court, it should be done in 30 minutes. Worth every penny to see him be shamed by a judge for his parenting choices

You need a lived with CAO OP. Will put a stop to the nonsense, which IMO is controlling.