Page 2 | Help - Child welfare at risk, emergency hearing?

User12464332877 · 2022-01-29T16:54:59+00:00

Long story, my 9 year old step son lives with his mother. There were serious welfare concerns a few years ago, social services & police involved. We applied for residency but his mother was given a second chance after agreeing to attend parenting courses etc. She moved him 300 miles away so we see him every holiday. The past year she’s been increasingly erratic. Last week we were contacted by her best friend and sister to say she’s paranoid and delusional. Social services are visiting her on Monday and the crisis team were called last night. SS says she’s not an immediate danger to DS. Crisis team said can’t be sectioned as no beds but visiting again today and tomorrow. The social worker dealing with the case said if we’re worried we should just take DS, despite a court order in place. Solicitor has suggested holding fire until after the SS meeting. We are beside ourselves. Should we just take DS and apply for an emergency hearing or apply for one without him here and see whether it’s granted? His mother will refuse to hand him over so there will be a scene. Her family will also refuse to hand DS over and don’t want to risk losing custody. Help.

Cardboardf0x · 30/01/2022 11:32

It's likely the order won't be granted for residence to be given to his father because of the move of 300 miles. If he's settled in schools and has a network it's likely he'll go into temporary custody of family in the area. You have to remember that social services don't override the court. I wouldn't listen to a social worker who is telling you to take him. Paranoid and delusional isn't currently making her an immediate risk it seems. If she's also willing to seek help then the court will not hold this against her. You and your partner should be supporting her more than anything rather than thinking about snatching the only person who keeps her going. The social worker has already told you he's not in immediate risk.

Cardboardf0x · 30/01/2022 11:35

And it's not you that has parental responsibility. It's your partner..

MichelleScarn · 30/01/2022 14:25

@Cardboardf0x will they not ask the DS what he wants though too? It doesn't sound like hes spent his whole life 300 miles away and it's been a recent move. I'd also be wary of placing that level of responsibility on him re his mother's mental health. You and your partner should be supporting her more than anything rather than thinking about snatching the only person who keeps her going. That's just not fair on him.

wildseas · 30/01/2022 16:25

Can you go and stay locally for a few days? Visit ss daily at mum's house? Take to the park/for dinner etc? Do school drop offs and pick ups. Take the pressure off mum and see how the situation is?

Cardboardf0x · 30/01/2022 18:26

@michellescarn do you understand that you don't have parental responsibility for this child?

MichelleScarn · 30/01/2022 18:32

[quote Cardboardf0x]@michellescarn do you understand that you don't have parental responsibility for this child?[/quote]
Absolutely, why would you think that?!

MichelleScarn · 30/01/2022 18:34

@Cardboardf0x of course... why on earth would you ask this? you seem very annoyed about things, and have been quite rude!

ancientgran · 30/01/2022 18:41

@Cardboardf0x

It's likely the order won't be granted for residence to be given to his father because of the move of 300 miles. If he's settled in schools and has a network it's likely he'll go into temporary custody of family in the area. You have to remember that social services don't override the court. I wouldn't listen to a social worker who is telling you to take him. Paranoid and delusional isn't currently making her an immediate risk it seems. If she's also willing to seek help then the court will not hold this against her. You and your partner should be supporting her more than anything rather than thinking about snatching the only person who keeps her going. The social worker has already told you he's not in immediate risk.

A 9 year old should not have the responsibility of keeping a parent going.

Poor kid.

FinallyFree2022 · 30/01/2022 21:17

A 9 year old should not have the responsibility of keeping a parent going

I couldn't agree more. While the mother clearly needs support surely she needs time to heal. It's most definitely not the responsibility of the child to "keep her going" though I'm sure they'd both appreciate seeing each other whilst living separately.

JeffThePilot · 30/01/2022 23:02

@Cardboardf0x

It's likely the order won't be granted for residence to be given to his father because of the move of 300 miles. If he's settled in schools and has a network it's likely he'll go into temporary custody of family in the area. You have to remember that social services don't override the court. I wouldn't listen to a social worker who is telling you to take him. Paranoid and delusional isn't currently making her an immediate risk it seems. If she's also willing to seek help then the court will not hold this against her. You and your partner should be supporting her more than anything rather than thinking about snatching the only person who keeps her going. The social worker has already told you he's not in immediate risk.

I don’t think you can say that this is “likely”.

Kitkat151 · 30/01/2022 23:25

What meeting OP ....is it a multi disciplinary strategy meeting? .....if so there will be an immediate outcome after this and both parents will be informed .....you say a SW is involved now.....is this due to current concerns? Is your SS subject to a CP plan or CIN plan already? are the family already being supported on Early Help? .....the boy won’t be removed unless he is deemed to be at significant risk of harm

BitcherOfBlakiven · 31/01/2022 01:11

@FinallyFree2022

A 9 year old should not have the responsibility of keeping a parent going

I couldn't agree more. While the mother clearly needs support surely she needs time to heal. It's most definitely not the responsibility of the child to "keep her going" though I'm sure they'd both appreciate seeing each other whilst living separately.

My MH is managed very well by my Psychiatrist but I would absolutely want my DC to live with their father were I to reach a point where I needed Crisis Team involvement. Personally I would hate my children to see that unwell and I’d rather they were shielded from it as much as possible.

MichelleScarn · 31/01/2022 09:31

And that decision @BitcherOfBlakiven is wonderful, caring parenting

Original poster

User12464332877 · 31/01/2022 20:59

@Kitkat151

What meeting OP ....is it a multi disciplinary strategy meeting? .....if so there will be an immediate outcome after this and both parents will be informed .....you say a SW is involved now.....is this due to current concerns? Is your SS subject to a CP plan or CIN plan already? are the family already being supported on Early Help? .....the boy won’t be removed unless he is deemed to be at significant risk of harm

Thanks all. So no CP plan currently although there has been previously. She’s now being supported by early help and was visited by a social worker today. Social worker says she seemed fairly normal, despite serious concerns raised by several people close to her… She can come across as normal when she chooses too and then apparently completely changes when SS or crisis team aren’t there.

SS are going to do some more investigating tomorrow and then we need to decide whether to press ahead with emergency court order. We have a very long list of very serious incidents, despite her seeming to be ok in SS visit.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

BreadInCaptivity · 02/02/2022 00:57

You need to log your concerns with SS but do so in a very factual and unemotional way.

Be clear about what you "know" vs what you have heard from other people.

Remember that the primary focus of SS is the welfare of the child and you need to demonstrate that is your focus also.

Removing a child from their primary care giver is a very, very serious decision and one that has to be based on evidence and not gossip/hearsay.

Be honest with SS that you have serious concerns and that you are willing and able to have DSS stay with you, but also say you understand the sensitivity and want to support the best welfare option which has to include regular contact with his mother and give suggestions on how you would facilitate that.

RedHelenB · 02/02/2022 10:09

@User12464332877

Thanks all, I really appreciate this.

The social worker said “if you’re that worried you can exercise you parental responsibility and go and get him”

Doesn't sound as though SS think he's in danger living with his mum then. Is there any way you could move nearer to him, there's more than his lifetime still, before he becomes an adult and leaves education.