Ex making false allegations to employer

[ForAFriend123]

Apologies upfront if this post is incoherent. Still in a bit of shock and need urgent advice.

So to be brief DB left his alcoholic, abusive wife last year and after a horribly long court case now has full custody of his DC. There is a court order banning her from having any contact with the DC until such time that she seeks help for her addiction and mental illness and it is safe.

Sadly she continues to make his life as difficult as possible for DB (refusing to engage with family court, divorce process or the CSA, drunk, incoherent phone calls to his office colleagues, vile FB posts etc etc). He left the family home with nothing except the DC and is currently living with us as without a financial settlement he can't afford his own place.

He finally seemed to be turning a corner and moving forward with his life and his ex backing off until today. This afternoon DB had call from his manager (he works for a bank) to say that "an allegation had been received into the bank" and that DB is to have a meeting with HR tomorrow morning. No other details given.

DB us distraught and petrified he is about to lose his job. He has absolutely no idea what he is supposed to have done. He has worked there for 20 years and has a completely clean record.

I firmly believe this is the work of his ex (or one of the few friends who have hung around) but won't know more details until tomorrow. This is probably all that's left in her arsenal to trash DB's life.

Unfortunately he doesn't belong to a union but guess at this stage just looking for advice on how DB should handle tomorrow's video meeting. Assuming this is the work of his ex am a bit at his manager at the absence of any detail/reassurance especially given the know full well what he has been dealing with

Meeting at 10

Gosh how awful and I sympathise as I've been through something similar. In the first instance, I'd ensure he has somebody with him for the interview. Take notes. Take his legal documents with him and particularly the court order. He must report this harassment to the police and I would strongly advise a non mol which is easy to obtain. Good luck to him, I hope he manages to push through this. She sounds like a right piece of shit!

@TheFormidableMrsC

Gosh how awful and I sympathise as I've been through something similar. In the first instance, I'd ensure he has somebody with him for the interview. Take notes. Take his legal documents with him and particularly the court order. He must report this harassment to the police and I would strongly advise a non mol which is easy to obtain. Good luck to him, I hope he manages to push through this. She sounds like a right piece of shit!

Thank you. What DB and his DC have gone through has been the stuff of nightmares (and I don't say that lightly). At one point his worst fear was that she would be found dead in a gutter, now it's that she will never leave him alone.

I hope the meeting doesn't go in for too long; am on tenterhooks here

@ForAFriend123 I totally hear you. My ordeal lasted for 8 years and I'm not sure I'll ever recover. I will keep everything crossed for him. I hope he finds the strength to take the steps required. Thank goodness he has you!

Without disclosing too much information; the allegation was made by the Ex and it's related to GDPR. Purely a malicious, fishing exercise on her part but unfortunately for DB there is some evidence.

The meeting started extremely formally but after DB admitted straight away and gave a full account of what he has been dealing, particularly child protection issues, the HR guy couldn't have been more shocked. He apologised for what DB is being put through and said in his 25 years he had never heard anything like it! DB's manager then also rang and apologised.

He's been told he will hear on Tuesday about what will happen next but by DH's account, he doesn't think any further action will be taken - maybe a formal warning? DB wasn't advised to get any representation so praying that this and the overwhelming mitigating circumstances is a positive sign.

I almost had this, sadly.

I found emails from my ex-partner to his solicitors, complaining that I was erratic, unstable, damaging the DC & that he was going to take over as the primary carer & force me out their lives.

I self-reported to work, my professional organisation & gave a statement to the police (who could not do anything unless the allegations were made public).

All in order to be proactive & protect myself.

Sounds positive OP. Hope you DB is feeling somewhat reassured and can have a quiet weekend.

Still worth considering a non-mol in my view especially as it sounds like she isn’t going to let it go.

DB is still thinking he is going to be dismissed but understandable given where he is still in shock and where his head is at.

I can only hope DH is correct in his assessment of the meeting and that they let it go.

Dismissing him will achieve nothing; his only notification was trying to protect his DC. If he loses his job he won't be able to provide for them.

*motivation was in desperation to protect his DC

I don’t understand how he can have broken GDPR rules (in a way that would make sense in this context) unless he looked up details of his ex’s account with the bank? Anyway, hopefully the most he’ll get is a warning. Fingers crossed for you (and him) OP

After a long week of waiting, DB has been told the case will go to a Hearing Manager.

He is a wreck; not only is he having to face a final Family Court Hearing, now this. I can't believe he put himself in this position but the spite of his Ex is mind blowing. If he loses his job the fallout will directly impact their DC.
I am also terrified for his own MH. His employer knows exactly what he has been put through and how unwell he was this time last year.

Does anyone know what happens if a Hearing is called and any advice?

Thank you

Hearing will be next week sometime. Frustratingly DB doesn't belong to the union so not sure who would be best alternative to support him at the Hearing.

Needs an employment lawyer ASAP.

To advise on what representation he should have for the meetings

To ensure proper process is followed.

To ensure an appropriate strategy regarding mitigating factors, previous good service etc is put forward in a way that can help his case.

@FixTheBone

Needs an employment lawyer ASAP.

To advise on what representation he should have for the meetings

To ensure proper process is followed.

To ensure an appropriate strategy regarding mitigating factors, previous good service etc is put forward in a way that can help his case.

Thank you. Have just told him and he's going to approach an Employment solicitor from the same company that is dealing with his other hearing. Maybe they'll give him a loyalty discount! 🙄

DH had something similar last year and it was awful. The initial fact finding meeting did send it through to meeting with a Hearing Manager.

We got free advice - most employers should offer this. What they did say is he is entitled to ALL the evidence against him.

He had a colleague join this meeting with him

I made sure he got together all the evidence he could to send through and we did a statement addressing the points and setting it out. Like your DB he had to admit to a small thing of not sending an email when he should have done but the rest we set it out.

The hearing went ok and he got a written warning put on his file for 6 months which has now be removed. In retrospect there were rules to follow and it going to the hearing was needed to ensure proper accountability. It has gone from his record now

He has the right to be accompanied to the meeting. He is entitled to take a work colleague with him. If he wants to take someone else such as an employment lawyer, he can only do so if his employer agrees.

@Quartz2208

DH had something similar last year and it was awful. The initial fact finding meeting did send it through to meeting with a Hearing Manager.

We got free advice - most employers should offer this. What they did say is he is entitled to ALL the evidence against him.

He had a colleague join this meeting with him

I made sure he got together all the evidence he could to send through and we did a statement addressing the points and setting it out. Like your DB he had to admit to a small thing of not sending an email when he should have done but the rest we set it out.

The hearing went ok and he got a written warning put on his file for 6 months which has now be removed. In retrospect there were rules to follow and it going to the hearing was needed to ensure proper accountability. It has gone from his record now

Thank you. It is so helpful to hear from someone who has been through this. Trying to take positives and hear what you say about due process needing to be followed, especially given the regulation of GDPR.

Totally get that they need to follow and be seen to follow due process. Can only hope the worst that happens is a formal written warning.

He has approached a solicitor who is looking at the HR policy and whether their duty of care towards DB has been been adequate over the last year.

Feel so sick, this mistake was pure desperation on his part to protect his children from their drunk, abusive mother.

It was awful - definitely getting his statement down helped and all the evidence against him and finding all the evidence.

He failed to send an email - but he did fail to send it (if that makes sense) so in the end the written warning was solely on that the rest (the more malicious stuff) was removed so it was a simple warning which has now gone.

Definitely find a colleague he trusts as well there as that really helps.

DB has just heard the hearing will be led by an HR person in India.
With all due respect I Can't see how given the sensitivity and circumstances of the case it can be assessed by someone who lives in such a culturally different society!

Have you spoken to ACAS?

DB spoke to the union yesterday and they have agreed to represent him anyway. He spoke at length with the rep and she said given the circumstances they are prepared to represent him

Will admitting to the GDPR breech, which he has already done, be seen positively or taken as admission? Most companies are pretty strict regarding GDPR breaches, and whether ex is malicious or not, he has breached it, and there is a case to answer, according to your first post. Is he still living with you at the moment? Does this mean he'll have support there for his MH if the hearing doesn't go as you hope? Hoping the union rep is able to advise him.

My brother went through similar with his ex wife. They both worked for the same bank and she text him asking him to check something on her account for her. He did. She then later made a complaint that he has accessed her account.
He got a written warning for this. Although she asked him (he had evidence) and it was malicious - not the request but the reporting, it was against policy to access any accounts of people you know unless through authorise channels. On the one hand it feels very OTT but he had training on these policies and it was very explicit that you could not do this.
It honestly didn’t matter what else was going on with them personally as he had broken their policies.
He doesn’t work there any more but did for a year or so afterwards.
Not sure if this is similar to your brother but hopefully he gets a similar outcome

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

My brother went through similar with his ex wife. They both worked for the same bank and she text him asking him to check something on her account for her. He did. She then later made a complaint that he has accessed her account. He got a written warning for this. Although she asked him (he had evidence) and it was malicious - not the request but the reporting, it was against policy to access any accounts of people you know unless through authorise channels. On the one hand it feels very OTT but he had training on these policies and it was very explicit that you could not do this. It honestly didn’t matter what else was going on with them personally as he had broken their policies. He doesn’t work there any more but did for a year or so afterwards. Not sure if this is similar to your brother but hopefully he gets a similar outcome

Thank you for sharing. DB accessed his ex's account ourely through desperation as he was out of his mind with worry about his DC. The DC were still living with her at that point and at huge risk from her escalating drinking and MH problems. The fact she is now not allowed ANY access to the children supports this; alongside multiple hospital, SS, psychiatrist, police and court reports.

I fully understand the seriousness of breaching GDPR but it seems such a senseless waste to dismiss DB. He has 21 years excellent service and it was a catastrophic error of judgment whilst trying to protect his DC. This man is desperately trying to piece his life back together and provide a stable, new home for his DC, I just hope for all their sakes Management can take that on board.

I’m not HR or an employment lawyer but I have managed staff in a building society for years and years so I have seen all sorts.
If it’s a bank they’ll like have a set outcome for this. I get that there are mitigating circumstances in your eyes but they might not care or they may do.

My advice would be that your brother holds his hands up and acknowledges he has broken policies. He can outline the mitigation but that is not justification. I would also outline his years of employment if he has had not disciplinaries and strong performance reviews. The union will have seen similar infractions and should be able to give some indication of the outcome.
If they do not foresee a good outcome it may be that he can resign with a reference before the outcome is set.