Separation and shared house ownership

[CadenceandMelody]

I think it's time to leave my partner, but I am not in a great place financially since the pandemic and we own a house together and have 2 kids.
Quick rundown...I brought a house solo in Jan 2012, paid 25% deposit (with the help of my parents whom I paid back) May 2013 he started paying half the mortgage. In July 2016, I sold the house and we brought a bigger one. The 15% deposit came from the proceeds of the sale and all the fees for solicitors etc came out of it too, so he didnt have to pay anything upfront at all.
He earns a lot more than me, but for first year we split everything 60/40. After that I gave up my side job (i am self employed for main job) to have baby number 1 & 21 months laters baby number 2. I had one year of normal earnings, then the pandemic hit and smashed my earnings.So the percentage I have paid has gone down year on year. No way I would get a solo mortgage now, let alone one big enough for the house we live in. I LOVE our home and dont want to lose it, partners works away a lot (over half the year) but this is mine and the kids home and we love it.
We have shared ownership. our kids are 5 &3. We arent married
He wouldnt need to buy a house in the next few years as has accommodation through his work (though nowhere close)so it wouldnt cause him hardship to keep paying what he is paying, as he will still be increasing the equity in the house he owns half of.

I have started a degree for a new career, but it will take 5-6 years to complete that and the further training around 2 kids and my business.

Where do I stand, I assume given he is equally responsible for the mortgage, that he cant just stop paying, but could he force sale if he wanted to be awkward about it?

I assume he could however, stop paying towards the council tax and bills despite it being the kids home??

Anyone know the legalities of it?

Sorry cross posted with some more of yours but hope it is still useful

Yes 50/50 ownership of the property.

I guess I should get my head around the possibility of losing the house then, which is heartbreaking as I viewed this as my forever home (until old age anyway) so that is a big adjustment. It is my dream home (on a realistic level...not big lottery win level, ha.) Still work to do on it, but buckets of potential. :(

The critical point is that there are young children involved. You may therefore have a claim under Schedule 1 of the Children Act and TOLATA that would allow you to stay put until they are grown up. Consult a lawyer.

I hope my post didn't sound too pessimistic. All I mean is that if I were you I'd work out what my situation would be in the worst case scenario AND I would see a solicitor on my chances of the claims above. If a solicitor thinks you've got a good claim you'll be in a much better position if you're negotating with him. It's really difficult to assess your chances from internet posts, I would definitely have an initial legal appointment to get a better feel for your position.

In England, either of you can go to court to try to force sale of the house under something called TOLATA. Google this and seek legal advice. If he decides on this (or meets another partner who presses him to do this because they want a joint mortgage with him on another property), it becomes stressful and expensive very quickly.

I have experience of this. Ex stopped paying his half of the mortgage early on, I paid all myself from that point, but ex still wanted to force sale of house under TOLATA. My solicitor prepared a Schedule 1 application to delay the sale until youngest was 18. His solicitor advised him to claim rent from me for his half of the property. So I would have been paying the full mortgage to the building society, plus a further 50% of the market rent of the house directly to him. When my youngest was 18, the house would have been sold and he would have received 50% of the equity. Not a great deal for me. Luckily something else stopped the case, but I had to spend several thousands of pounds on legal fees, even before it got to the first court hearing. TOLATA is known as a very complex and expensive area of property law. Do please get several views from legal experts before you commit to staying in the house. You may well be better off selling for a clean break.

@Undertheoldlindentree That does sound like a terrible deal.

I feel I lose every which way. House prices have gone through the roof since we brought this one. Its only 3 bed, but spacious and has the separate space i need for working from home. (plus large garden and parking and in a nice area)
Even if I move to a small 3bed terrace with no parking and small garden, i would still need 2 reception rooms, I have had a little look and they are now selling for the same or more than owed on our current mortgage!! I would not be able to borrow that amount solo sadly. So would end up having to rent (again probably for as much as we pay for this house now) and I assume if i rent and bank the equity, i wouldn't be entitled to any government assistance until it was almost gone.
Reason 100 why women stay in relationships that turn shitty after having kids.

Would your parents be able to help you out again?

In theory they would, i am sure, but dad is now retired
Mum and stepdad are also 10 years closer to retirement age than when they helped me with deposit, so not sure there is much they can do, (they have paid off their own mortgages, but they are comfortable, not wealthy) doubt the banks would let them take on the 20year mortgage for this house, even if that was allowed (i am sure there are multiple reasons why it isnt)

OP be careful of hanging on to the house at all costs and also being dependent on your ex in the future. I have seen so many people (usually wife/women) desperate to hold onto a property and actually they end up making worse deals as a result. Also dependent on an ex who then makes their lives hell (deliberately quit work, default on the mortgage and as a result destroy the other person's credit rating).

I live in the SE and it's very common that parties on separation can't afford 2 properties. Shared ownership is often recommended. The advantage of this is if you need to claim benefits then you can claim the housing element for the bit your rent.

As I said do speak to a solicitor and they will be able to advise you on your best options.

OP

It’s not entirely impossible that he would go along with or agree to you staying in the house. But as I mentioned before that is contingent on him never wanting anything more than to be a single man doing the same job and staying in the residential accommodation.

This creates significant risk for your security and stability. Most people want to be in relationships, he is very likely to meet someone. That person will have a lot of influence over him and his choices. He could change his mind about having more children, changing jobs or releasing the equity. He could decide that all by himself. His new partner may already have children and if they live together then your CMS is impacted.

All this could happen when you finish your retraining and you will be ok. Or it could happen in 12 months and you could be stuffed.

I would at least have a contingency plan. But you might be trapping yourself by defining your needs as a 3 bed and 2 reception house whilst studying and rebooting a business. Decide what is important and what can be compromised.