Prohibited steps order surname change

[Marek86]

Last year my partner and I split up. He had developed a substance misuse issue and despite all our efforts, he couldn't be helped.

When our relationship ended he became threatening and abusive, threatened to kidnap our daughter and hurt anyone who tried to help us.

I went to court and had a Non-Molestation Order put in place and the court also granted an 18 month prohibited steps order.

It has been 1 year since he had any contact with our daughter and even before that the contact was limited and what little there was, was very negative.

Since the orders have been in place he has not directly contacted us. This is probably due to us changing phone number, moving house, changing car and not visiting the areas we know him and his friends frequent. We have also cut contact with nearly everyone in our lives to reduce the risk of being found.

He is not the only person we are hiding from, it is also his family members still trying to track us down and other individuals who he has become involved in through drugs and crime (people he owes money to who want to try and threaten for the money or to get to him).

Obviously, this has impacted hugely on my daughter who was 7. I have paid for her to have counselling privately as the NHS didn't have a lot to offer for her age. She has changed schools and finally seems to be settled after one year. She asked me when she started the new school whether she could have my surname as she has no connection with her dad or his family any longer, so I agreed and spoke to the school to stated they would use my surname for the day to day things but legally her surname wouldn't change on official school documents.

I have been trying to research and have read conflicting things regard surname change.

I wondered if anyone here would know what the process is for change her surname legally? Her father (absent and disinterested as he is) would never agree to the surname change as he would see it as his last bit of control being removed.

Due to the Prohibited Steps Order, does he still hold parental responsibility? If so, what are the chances a court would agree to a surname change without his permission?

Thanks for reading.

Yes he still has PR and no the court won't agree to a surname change without him being invited to the hearings and his view being taken into consideration.

If you want to open a can of worms, make an application. If you want to let sleeping dogs lie (which would be my advice), then leave things well alone.

The Prohibited Steps Order is irrelevant. If you were married or he is named on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility. If he has parental responsibility, you will need either his consent or a Specific Issue Order to change your daughter's surname. The courts are reluctant to allow name changes. They take the view that her surname is an important part of her identity. You would need to convince them that a name change is in her best interests.

Thank you both for your advice.

I would leave sleeping dogs lie but I worry that if she continues to use that surname she will be targeted by individuals looking for him. She would also potentially be embarrassed when one of her school friends or someone reads about his criminal activity in the press (which is also currently happening).

Do you think they would consider this as being in her best interests?

She can change her name in a 'known as' way, so at school etc.

Thanks Kithic, we have done that already but the school will only do it for day to day things and anything official still has her birth name on it.

It's silly little things that are difficult too such as thredoctors surgery who put your name on thr board when you are being called in. If anyone in there knew her father and saw it we would again be at risk and probably have to move to another area again.

It also seems to upset her every time someone uses her birth name, which is really difficult to see.

@Kithic

She can change her name in a 'known as' way, so at school etc.

She literally cannot without breaking the law. Changing name in a "known as" way is still a change of name.

I was granted a change of surname, from his to mine, his was changed to an additional middle name.

Stacks of evidence against him, and he didn't bother to show up to court, just sent a sarcastic statement stating he didn't believe that she was his child but that he would like her to keep his surname.

Judge obviously granted it, but I appreciate how rare a surname change is, even my solicitor was surprised, so goodness knows what other information they were privy to that I didn't have (gdpr at its finest).

Thank you, it's been helpful reading everyone's views.

I will speak to my solicitor again in light of recent events and see what she feels our chances are for a change of surname.

Unfortunately from the comments so far on this thread it seems unlikely.

Not sure on the law now, but in the 1980s I changed my name (aged 10? Ish) away from fathers surname, and have not had any issues. Definitely didn't have father's agreement

If you weren't married she can use your name or his until she is 18 and can do it officially you can ask the doctors use your name also due to domestic violence

I think if he hasn't made contact for five years the courts can put it through anyway without his consent but you still have to notify him at his last known address you can ask for your details to be withheld from him so he cannot find you

When the order runs out do you think he will come find you?

@Kithic

Not sure on the law now, but in the 1980s I changed my name (aged 10? Ish) away from fathers surname, and have not had any issues. Definitely didn't have father's agreement

The law has changed since then. It is now not possible to change a child's name legally unless you have either the consent of everyone with parental responsibility or a court order allowing the name change.

@Theunamedcat

If you weren't married she can use your name or his until she is 18 and can do it officially you can ask the doctors use your name also due to domestic violence

I think if he hasn't made contact for five years the courts can put it through anyway without his consent but you still have to notify him at his last known address you can ask for your details to be withheld from him so he cannot find you

When the order runs out do you think he will come find you?

This is not right.

Any change of name, even a "known as" name, requires either the father's consent or a court order. No official body (school, doctor, etc.) should use anything other than the child's legal name. Once the OP's daughter is 16 she will be able to change her name herself and will not need anyone's consent.

The courts can make an order allowing the OP to change her daughter's name, but they won't do so just because he hasn't made contact for five years.

I've literally done it

Schools do allow known as names my kids use known as names.

@Theunamedcat

I've literally done it

Done what? Got official bodies to use a "known as" name? Yes, it happens but it shouldn't. The fact that some schools and doctors ignore the law and government guidance doesn't make it legal.

"Done what? Got official bodies to use a "known as" name? Yes, it happens but it shouldn't."

Yes it should happen, if like my kids you don't want to have the same last name as your deadbeat dad who hasn't had anything to do with you for most of your life too right they should get the choice to not use his name either.
They should also be able to change it legally!
Utterly ridiculous how it's meant to be so hard to change legally through court.
It's something I am going to try to do soon through court as well so they don't have to have his name on all their official documents.

@prh47bridge is correct (as you'd expect - s/he is a barrister iirc?). I am a doctor. We do not allow "known as" names to be used without the consent of everyone with PR, because it is a change of name. (It's slightly tricky from a safeguarding point of view and in practice if one parent is taking the child to A&E etc using the "wrong" name we do need a record of that somewhere so we know that Child X is also the same as Child Y iyswim. So we might have the alias on the records as well, but the child should be referred to by their legal name.)

@ChocolateDeficitDisorder if you’re in an extremely abusive fearful relationship and that person is with you when your child is having their name registered, it’s not a case of a woman being “smarter” and giving the child their surname. They don’t usually have much of a choice, actually.

Once your daughter is of age she can change her surname herself without anyone's permission if she wishes. I changed mine my simply making a declaration on a legal form (statutory declaration) and getting my dctor to witness it. I bought the form at a law stationers. I then simply wrote to the relvent people (tax, bank, etc) and informed them that I had now changed my name. Only one company (credit card) queried it until I put them right. Even my passport is now in my new name.

She can do it more formally by deed poll but its not necessary.

@ChocolateDeficitDisorder wow how ignorant you sound. You realise in abusive relationships choices are usually completely removed for women don’t you? You must have absolutely no understanding of trauma… it’s not “just the surname of a child. Nor is it “getting off lucky” if someone has lived through sexual/physical/emotional abuse and their child has the abusers surname. Likewise the ongoing trigger and trauma it can cause a child to see that name, hear that name, have to say that name.. a constant reminder for them of what they may have experienced / witnessed / who they were abused by.

My DC has always been known as having my surname in school and at hobbies but there have been so many times that his father's (my DC's legal surname) has been used. On his peg, on some work books, always at the doctors and medical appointments. It's obviously on his passport and official documents.

I have applied for a specific issue order for a legal change of name as 9 years have passed since there has been any form of contact but accept there is a likelihood that this won't be agreed. I know how much stock is taken by surnames being a part of a child's identity, but sometimes a particular surname does have negative connotations for the child. Certainly for my DC. It's a constant kick in the teeth for him whenever he is referred to by that name.

@ChocolateDeficitDisorder nobody needs to hear your superior comments about how we should just make better choices and live with the weight of bad decisions you really do sound so ignorant.