Dp’s sons and will

[Toffeeapplepie]

Hi

I hope you can help me. I have been with dp for 5 years but we’re not married. He has been married before and has 2 adult sons a few years younger than me. Me and dp bought our dream house last year and I would like to get married but I know it was stressful for dp during the divorce and he said he doesn’t want to marry again. We bought our house as tenants in common to protect the money we contributed to the deposit if we ever split up. I have asked dp if we can get some wills to leave our share of the house to each other if anything happens but he doesn’t like to talk about it. He doesn’t like discussing wills or insurance. He thinks the house will be left to the survivor even though I’ve explained it won’t. He’s older than me but I’d like to say I’m not a gold digger, we work full time and well paid. We don’t have any plans for children. His sons have started to making comments like if anything happened to dp they would be the ones in control and making all the decisions and I don’t think we have anything in place to stop this? I’m starting to feel really anxious and struggling to stop thinking about it. Me and dp are putting a lot of money in the house but I don’t know if I want to carry on doing this as I think they will make me sell the house so they get their share if anything happened to dp. Is it wrong to feel like this? I want to get married and then change the arrangement to joint tenants. Does anyone think this would be a bad idea?

this happened to DH's DSis. Please get legal advice and tell your DP to get his head out of his arse.

the DSis DP had been married before and had adult DC, he died and she was forced to move in the end when it all went through probate, slung out of their dream home the DC took most of the shared contents she'd chosen and even took a load of her personal stuff, then they denied it. she was broken with grief and they didn't give a toss; she lost her DP then her home. they bullied her and made her life hell.

Has he other monies to leave to his DS? Given how close you are in age, I would imagine he'd want them to inherit something? You're right though, the conversation needs to be had.

Love, you'll get nothing unless DP marries you or leaves you his half in a will.

Being left high and dry by a partner happens a lot, by the way - even if DP leaves you his half, as an unmarried partner you'll be billed for inheritance tax if the half-house is worth above 325k. You might have to sell up.

Thanks for all your advice

it sounds like it may be better to change it to joint tenants. Do we need to fill a form in for this?

I don’t see myself leaving here

You say that now.

But you cannot possibly know how you would feel 5 years, say, after your Dp’s death, and wanting to re-marry.

How do you think it would seem if you inherited everything and took it into a new marriage?

Offspring do end up disinherited when a parent goes into a second marriage.

If you inherited everything, would you then leave the house, or a part of it, to his children?

He doesn’t want to leave his share to his children, I did say that he thinks the house will be left to the survivor
U less he is thick, if he agreed to a tenants in common and is it talking about wills, it's because that's what he wants but also knows that's not really what you want.

How much did you each contribute? In the end, you are not married and he wants to leave something to his child. You are so.ost the same age so gaining a life interest could very much mean his child never getting it himself.

Why did you agree to be tenants in common in the first place if you were not happy with it? I think you'll have to accept your OH position in this, it is his right to leave his share to his don rather than you however attached you are to the house.

@Toffeeapplepie

You can do a power of attorney for health and welfare form to give you decision-making power over his future care (google and download the forms online).

Re;the house, you need legal advice for wills/inheritance.

I understand he feels uncomfortable discussing it but if he genuinely doesn't want you to be older, vulnerable, and grieving whilst you sort it out, he needs to prepare now.

this is frightening OP... you need this resolved and fast 🌺

Hello, came across this thread and v familiar. I was in almost identical situation. Me divorced with settlement. Additionally some accumulated wealth in my family. I am quiet about my money. He much older, adult children similar age to me. For years it was all about how will I invest my money. In his view I was suppose to invest in a house with him. We had properties each. That rang alarm bells. I thought we are not married (He wanted, I didn't), I had more than one property, he had his house. Suddenly there was a push for the two of us to have a big house together, as well as he was planning to retire. I realised quickly that if he retires, I will be left with paying the mortgage and working FT. He suggested I contribute to a house together with my settlement. I tested the water and said lets buy as joint tenants (lifetime option) and he was trying to convince me tenants in common will be better. I said - not for me. I knew where this was going. I went and invested in my own property. He was disappointed. Oh well. I told him how he should be happy because this way he has his house for his DC to inherit. I am not part of it I have my own properties. The relationship went sour. Obviously! I realised all these years were about getting hands on what was mine.

As for you now - I hope you got a legal advice and it all worked out.

My rule is I would only marry and buy together with childless man. It is the only route where you can trust you two are building something for each other and you are his number one.

Wishing you peace and resolution to this. It can be consuming.

I'm aware this is a zombie but really you can't make someone plan against their will and you should have thought about this when buying. If he doesn't want to write a will, then give him the alternative of taking out life insurance worth his share of the house with you as beneficiary so you can buy them out. Or buy as joint tenant instead.

However, there is nothing wrong if he wants his half of the house to go to his kids and you should always establish that before buying as obviously you don't want to lose your home in old age.

Lifetime interest will do little fir his children if you are only a few years older than them though.

I think he wants to leave his money to his kids but doesn't want to tell you so is pretending dumb.