Help needed re elderly care. PLEASE

[Mynewmoniker]

Mum in law sent home from hospital but unable to walk due to possible 2nd stroke! Sister-in-law brought her home in her confusion and is now having to sleep at her sheltered housing home to help carer CARRY her to toilet.

Details:
Mum, 90+years, living in sheltered housing with a high dependency on others with regard to raising from the bed, dressing, walking, toileting and feeding has come out of hospital after a suspected 2nd stroke and is now unable to walk at all. The previous care was provided via Age Concern (feeding) and privately (all other needs).

I have many questions but our main one is about carehomes and are as follows:

1. Who decides that the sheltered housing is not a suitable place for mum anymore?

1. If a carehome is seen as the best option now, could this be provided by the council out of county and nearer daughter?

1. How much in savings is mum allowed before care is funded by the local authority?

1. If mum has savings and is able to be funded in a private care home, would she have to leave that home and find another one once funds ran out?

1. When they go for the assessment to the hospital tomorrow would there be some kind of social worker to guide them on such questions?

Complete newby to all this but wanting to help.

You lot are brilliant and it's made this 'problem' so much easier to deal with. We are taking all the advice on board...keep it coming.

Thank God for technology...and mumsnetters!

You can claim for medical care (which is distinct fron 'care' care) from the NHS in these type of cases which can go some way to reducing the care home fees.

UPDATE: SIL has accepted care package and equipment at home. She says although mum has dementia she says she wants to go home when she's lucid. This care package is yet to be set up and we're not sure how long this will take.

I've told SIL to ask what her plan 'B' would be if it didn't work out but although I feel the decision was made on guilt I feel I have to back SIL as she is the main carer. Am I right?

Ok. To a person with dementia, "going home" means being back in my safe place. This could be their recent home. Or it could mean "I feel unsafe, I don't like it here, I want my mum, I want to go home." Do you know what I mean? "Home" isn't a building, it's a state of mind.

Families are under no obligation to provide care, social services are. Families can provide no care and spend time with their relative just visiting. If they commit to providing care then each person must be realistic about their ability to make an ongoing commitment. Also, the family as a whole must be flexible about reevaluating the care package as each persons needs and abilities to care change. And they will. Please don't commit to X because others commit to Y.

Does that help?

I agree about the thoughts about what "going home" means.

SIL feels she can commit to the care and after hearing other patients shouting out in confusion and trying to get out of bed in the hospital thinks that this is what mum would have to put up with 24/7 in a care home.

"The lady was very nice and seemed to know what she was talking about" She would be nice wouldn't she ?

I'm still sitting on the fence as I feel I have to back SIL even though I don't think it may be the right thing.

Husband agrees with me re backing his sister.

Bear in mind that 24 hour care is the equivalent of 3 shifts per 24 hours, 7 days per week, 52 weekws per year, with no day off. Have you got enough people lined up to cover that number of hours?

Exhaustion sets in very quickly when you are caring for someone with dementia.

As Kundry mentioned your MIL should have been assessed for NHS Continuing Care in hospital and if she wasn't then the hospital/social services staff have failed in their duty.

You should insist on this assessment, even though you shouldn't have to as it should be done automatically. Primary Care Trusts will do what they can to try and avoid paying for continuing care even though people should be eligible for it

Please look into it and gather the facts - google 'Pamela Coughlan'

MIL is unable to walk. They are not sure why she has suddenly lost the use of her legs although they know it's not a stroke. At least she wont be wandering out of the door and into the street.

3littlefrogs SIL says she can carry on visiting as she does and leave the majority of the care to the new carers at home.

Mama I'm still not sure what assessments were done but SIL/BIL seemed happy.

I was sending them the advice updates but...at the end of the day...
-GRRR!- -inside-

Update: MIL home, bedbound in living room due to being unable to weight bare. Calling out for SIL as partially sighted and confused. Is on antibiotics and the rest as they think she may have water infection.

She has 2 carers a time for 4 times a day.

When review is done in 2 weeks time, in your experience, what are the chances they will continue advising the care at home or advise a care home.

What is the hourly rate for a carer and does this double if two carers are attending?

You have all been so helpful lately. I'm really grateful if you can help this time.

Bump

Talk to Age concern as a priority as to how to get the maximum funded care. You can pay for whatever you like if MiL has the funds i.e. a full-time nurse or 3 nurses for shifts and laundry service and whatever is thought to be necessary but funds soon disappear - also does anyone have PoA and thus access to MiL's accounts and pension etc? If not you need to do that too. However, what NHS will pay for is difficult as NHS and SS continually bat back and forth between who does what and seeing as both services are stretched then they try to lean on relatives as much as they can and avoid over committing, but to be fair in some instances it is hard to distinguish what is nursing and what is care. Encourage SiL to go for maximum help possible as sadly condition is only going to deteriorate and all carers need a break. And do what you can from afar, perhaps don't ask what you can do but rather do some research yourself and visit and then simply say you will do x or y whatever appears to be easy to do from afar.
Good luck, it's a very hard position to be in.

Thanks for this info, struwlpeter