Husband is pushing for divorce. I want to delay it..

[cwtchy]

I have another thread in relationships detailing every recent twist and turn of my marriage...my H walked out at the end of March with absolutely no warning, and is now moving in with another woman. He wants a divorce as quickly as possible, but he has only known this woman for 4-5 months at the very most.

I would rather separate our finances with a legal separation (we don't have much assets, and we are splitting them equally) and then divorce later. It's all too quick for me to cope with, but I don't know what I can do.

If I file for divorce now though, are there advantages to me? Will my costs be lower for example? We both have had free advice from solicitors that are members of Resolution, but I am so raw I can't even think straight. Obviously I can't stop him divorcing me if that's what he wants, but it's been so quick!

That's bloody expensive.

Again, I was advised not top name the co respondent but I felt I wanted to & since they were so eager for the divorce there were no problems -it's down to how you feel but I felt strongly about it

dropdead, yes, the petitioner can SEEK to recover the divorce costs but whether they get them is another matter. In any event, the costs of the main suit, as mumblechum said, the divorce only, have to be reasonable. If I was acting for a respondent and the petitioner was seeking in the region of 1925 I would be advising them not to pay them, only a proportion. Those costs are not reasonable and your friend might be in for a shock when she finds she is not going to recover them all.

The Legal Services Commission thinks divorces can be done in 3 hours work. Sometimes it much more than that, for example if your client is not very good at giving timely instructions, or the Respondent is being difficult.

Each county court has set hourly rates that, if the solicitor's costs are not above, they will be deemed to be reasonable. In my local court those rates are above what I charge.

On a charging rate of £200 per hour the fees would be £720 (3 hours) and £960 (4 hours). There are court fees of £380 on top of this. If personal service of the petition is necessary those can be added to the bill.

Usually for an adultery petition the Respondent is ordered to pay the petitioner's costs, but not always. Sometimes (most often on unreasonable behaviour petitions) the judge orders the Respondent to pay a contribution (usually half) towqrds the Petitioner's costs. This recognises the fact that seldom is there fault on just one side. Often there is either fault on both sides, or not really fault on either side.

It sounds like the best way forward might be for YOU to issue proceedings on the grounds of adultery. I understand that you feel thigns are moving too fast - but it's going to happen anyway, so why not:

a. take control which will piss him off
b. become the petitioner, which means you will have more control over the process
c. get yourself in the position where, possibly, you could get costs paid by him??

Sorry you're having to go through this. I'd say too if you're going to do the above, don't tell him just do it. Take the power out of his hands.