ex wanting his name off mortgage

[Happylander]

Ex partner (not married) walked out on me and 2 year old DS 6 months ago for OW. We have a joint mortgage and he pays nothing towards it now and hasn't for 3 months and we had only had 1.5 years when he left. I only asked him to pay for 3 months or until I got a lodger (which I have and she is lovely so all good there). Anyway he keeps going on about getting his name removed from the mortgage despite me telling him that can't happen yet as I don't earn enough for the mortgage company to give me a mortgage in my own name. The mortgage company have told him they won't release him and so has my solicitor.

Last night I received an email from him saying I have until 31 August to sort my finances out to be able to afford the mortgage on my own or get someone to share the mortgage with me. The only way his name can come off is if we sell which will making myself, DS and dog intentionality homeless and therefore get the joy of being housed in shared accommodation or B and B. He knows all this as I have told him many many times as so shocked he would want this for our DS. This used to be my Grandma's bungalow so has sentimental value to me and it is lovely. There is no equity in it and we owe my mum £47,000 as she paid deposit and also lent us money for house renovations so he would not be getting any money from sale and he would also have to pay back my mum his half of the loans.

I expect it will end up going to court as I have a strong feeling his OW is behind him being so forceful about getting his name off. How much is this going to cost me to try and stop him forcing me to sell it? Can he do this? I am due to get some compensation at some point as I had an extremely traumatic birth and the Dr has been found negligent and struck off but I don't know when that is going to come through and hopefully I will be able to lower the mortgage enough to get it in my sole name. He just won't wait though.

^

When I got divorced, I found it quite difficult to find a mortgage provider who would take maintenance payments into account for the purposes of deciding how much I could afford for mortgage repayments. And that was WITH a consent order setting out the payments.

I did get a mortgage in the end but it was at a rather unfavourable (at the time) rate of interest and only available on a 5 year fix. But I had no job then. When I came to remortgage last year, I had a job as well as the child maintenance and I could get a better deal.

I would recommend using a broker such as London & Country (who are free - they get paid via commission from the mortgage provider but I think they do do "whole market" search). I used them this time round and they were ok. John Charcol are also good but charge you about £500.

Unfortunately what others have said is true in that your ex is entitled to ask for his "share" and if you aren't able to buy him out then he could force a sale. That said, it all costs money in solicitors' fees to make an application for such an order and he may not have the money for that?

I hope you can work something out. Good luck.

Just to reiterate - OP can prevent a sale if she successfully applies under Schedule 1 of the Children Act for a settlement of property. Will need to take full legal advice as to the merits.

He has already been told by my solicitor months ago that she will apply for a prevention of sale under schedule 1 and he then sought legal advice and came back and said that he is happy for name to stay on but wouldn't pay and that he also hands over all rights to the house to me. However, now he has started to bang on about it again and I can only think it is down to OW and his family.

Although I haven't heard a word from him about it all after I told him he would have a very lengthy court battle on his hands and that he needs to refer back to my solicitors letter to him regarding this matter and the fact that the mortgage company won't release him, that there is no way I can get him off it just yet and that as soon as I can he will be off it as I don't want him on it any more than he does. Oh and that I won't speak to him about it any more unless he directs it through his solicitor as I am tired of repeating myself and the fact that my circumstances haven't changed.

I am just waiting for him to take it further though as the OW is due to leave the Army soon with a big fat pay out so they will have the money to take it to court. You can certainly tell that OW doesn't have children.

I really think you ought to take it to court. At present his creditors could go against his interest in the property if they want, either by getting a charging order or by making him bankrupt. If the latter, you might be forced out of the property after a year.

To prevent this, you need to set up that trust, either with his cooperation, or by court order.

as wa ssaid you no married and he can indeed aply for sale /to get his share/ in order to ge released from the mortgage.

you need to read up on tolata (who can get what from the sale - if you paid for renovations that is important) and schedule one (rights of the children, providing for the child) .

speak to you mother tho - would she request the money back on sale or would let you keep it as deposit for anohe property?
what is maximum you could borrow on your salary and therefore what could you potentially buy should the property be sold? (you need to know this - dont need to say on here )

try and find some clever way you could effectively buy him out ? work out exaclty what his equity share would be in value if sold today .

I don't need to give him any money as he doesn't want any as he knows that if he tries my mum will ask him for her money back from him and therefore owe money rather than make any. He has never asked for any money at all just his name off so I don't need to have money to buy him but I need to be able to have mortgage in my own name and I just can't do that right now.

Of course my mum would let me keep the original deposit but that would get me at a push a very small one bedroom around these parts.

My solicitor is drawing up the paperwork so that the house is mine on the deeds of trust so to speak. I can not afford to take it to court. I am working extra shifts to pay for solicitor to sort the deeds of trust out as it is.

Talk to yoyr mortgage provider, you may not 'fit' their ideal but they can look at you individually and your circumstances.

Did your mother write the cheque to him or to you? Was anything put in writing about when & if the money was to be paid back?

I don't think the deeds can be altered to remove him if the house is mortgaged and he's on the mortgage.

He is taking me to court now to force a sale of the house or that is what he is saying anyway. He states he has a solicitor and that he has sought advice and that I have to sell however, when I mentioned section 1 of the childrens act he did not know what I was going on about and I am pretty sure that if he had seen a solicitor they would have mentioned that I would try and use this to keep the house.

However, I have also found out that I am in an even better position to prevent a sale because he does not pay anything towards the mortgage. I am clearly able to pay for it and the rent around here is the same as the mortgage repayments so no financial benefit to me if I sell IYKWIM and this is one of the angles he is coming from i.e. that I can't afford to live here. Plus by selling the house this would stop me from being able to buy anything other than a studio flat which is not suitable for bringing up a child in so therefore selling would not be putting my child's welfare first.

Why oh why can he not wait. I would not dream of throwing my child out of his home.

Could you not shar a room with DS and get a second lodger to rent the 3rd room? Then you could add that rent to the total income and thus qualify for the mortgage in your sole name? You could review the situation after a year or so.

I would not be happy with that at all and don't think it would be fair to move my DS out of his room because his father can't wait a little longer before I can get his name removed.

Plus this isn't a huge house it is a small 3 bed bungalow I would have nowhere to put DS toys, clothes etc

I am also not that keen on sharing my bed with my boyfriend and DS that would just be wrong.

Oh - sorry I didn't realise you had a partner.

I think he's just bluffing, trying to put you under pressure. I doubt that he has had any legal advice by the sound of it. He obviously wants to get off the mortgage because he's getting an earbashing from his current squeeze. He obviously doesn't realise it's not as simple as that - as has been explained - another reason why it's unlikely he has had any advice.

I'd just do whatever you can to keep paying the mortgage while it's all sorted out. Don't get in a flap - it's not as though it will sell overnight anyway (even if that was necessary). Time will be on your side.

Tell him to stop harassing you and communicate with your solicitor in future.

Didn't realise you live with your boyfriend.

Is he working? Why doesn't he help you buy out your ex? Does he pay you something as rent?

Speaking from the otherside (not OW dhs ex had affair), he tried desperately to get his name off mortgage - they both had children of school age from the marriage living with them. 1 each.

Ex want to keep house, dh offered 100% of equity and she kept going into arrears.

When they moved in with me, the arrears letters kept coming here - and I have to be honest that totally freaked me out - I kept seeing bailiffs in my dreams.

It took years and years to get his name off (she too had "too many bedrooms"), but our solicitor advised that even if he got an order forcing sale o house, it would be almost unenforceable because tree was nothing to prevent her being rude to potential buyers, messing estate agents about, leaving house a state for viewings. Sh said he could prob get order but it would be costly and a waste of time.

Also google mescher order, where he won't be able to force sale til dc 18.

Mesher (not Mescher) orders are only used in divorce. Look at the numerous posts in this thread, and the numerous threads, about Schedule 1 of the Children Act instead.

Ah I wondered why no one had mentioned it - that's late night mumsnetting for you.

I was meaning more a two bedroom property - one room for you & boyfriend & one for your son. A court can order a sale & your ex boyfriend would be well within his rights to move back into the property at any time. Life is short & at the end of the day what can seem terribly important at the time, further down the line isn't.

My boyfriend doesn't live me and he has his own house I would not contemplate moving him in for a very long time however, he does stay over every now and then. Yes he works but he is not responsible for my finances I am and I am never putting myself in this situation again.

I think it is terribly important to stay living in the home that I am paying for and that my DS lives in and as I said it is not a huge house. I would never be able to buy a house again and so you might not think it important but I do redhelenb. It is mine and my DS home and it means some stability for my DS rather than constantly living in shitty rented accommodation as I won't be able to afford anywhere decent around this area. I rented a 2 bed flat that had mould and was poorly heated before I had DS and it cost £850 a month and that was 7 years ago my mortgage is the same now the interest rate has gone down.

I don't go into arrears on anything and never have done unlike him so he has no need to worry there so I am not keeping him on it out of spite but I don't have any choice. The minute I can get him off it I will as I don't want him on it. I very much doubt he will win and my solicitor has told me he won't. He can however, waste his money trying.

You sound quite a stubborn person from your posts ( not necessarily a bad thing!!!) & NO solicitor can give cast iron guarantees on what a court may decide. When I got divorced I made sure I asked the solicitor to tell me what he would be advising my ex so I had a ball park figure of what I might get.All I am voicing is the other side of the coin - home is where the heart is not bricks & mortar.

I am not asking him for anything only that he keeps his name on the mortgage until I can afford to take it off. You could say he is being stubborn and quite a shit father in my eyes for wanting to throw his son out of his home knowing full well I would only be able to afford some crappy shit hole.

Happylander. Feel free to message me and I can talk you through my experience.

Another point to consider is that he will have to agree any changes in mortgage terms for the course of the mortgage so you remain tied to him & he could well be stubborn over that.