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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Received a letter from ExP solicitors and need some advice please (family law)

36 replies

MsBakingCakes · 08/04/2012 09:05

ExP and myself have been separated since april last year and we have a DD. We have reached an agreement for contact which seems to be working and no problem there.

Now the letter that I have recieved is asking me to provide some information which I am not entirely sure if legally I have to provide. I cannot afford to go see a solicitor to respond this letter and I am not sure why suddenly he has consulted NEW solicitors to deal with this matter as the visiting contact arrangements have not been dealt through soicitors anyway.

They are asking me to provide evidence of our flight bookings including flight numbers and details as well as an address and contact telephone number where we are staying. He has my mobile phone which we use to be in contact as we have always done even before we separated and after separation. He has been stalking us in the past and I would prefer not to provide this information.

The solicitors are also asking me to confirm that I have no intention to vary our arrangements in respect of either direct or indirect contact. Why are they asing me this if ExP already has a written confirmation from me accepting his contact proposal? Is he aming to something else that I cannot see?

Any advice much appreciated. Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Gigondas · 08/04/2012 09:16

Tricky one- could the flight details be because worried you may not come back. A long shot but might be the "official" reason. Tbh I don't think it's that outrageous to provide details of holiday.

Hopefully proper legal bod along soon.

tribpot · 08/04/2012 09:19

There seems to be something missing from your post. This request is presumably specifically to do with a request to take dd out of the country without him? Other people will know what is standard to provide in such cases; leaving the stalking aside, what is the minimum amount of information you would expect him to provide?

Original poster

MsBakingCakes · 08/04/2012 10:05

I have provided him with dates we are flying and coming back and he has agreed to us flying. I have a text from him saying that he would be giving me writen consent just in case I need it in passport control.

I will be coming back as I have my job in here and my new partner and he really knows this although he may be playing the victim person again saying to his new solicitors that I have left him. I just don't understand why he is involving new solicitors and he is really planning. He never does anything if he has not planned an action plan

OP posts:

BettySuarez · 08/04/2012 10:12

I don't think it's unreasonable of him at all to request this information, he needs reassurance that his daughter is coming back. I don't see why this is him playing the 'victim'

Original poster

MsBakingCakes · 08/04/2012 10:17

Hi BettySuarez, the playing victim it is a very long story. I just want to make sure that the information they are asking me it is legally necessary for me to provide it. If it is the case I don't have any problem providing it. He has also asked me in the past how much money DP is earning and that he has the right to know this because he has PR. SO just making sure that he is not stepping ahead as he usually does. Not sayin that I will not provide it

OP posts:

NickNacks · 08/04/2012 10:22

If he were taking your dd away would you not think it reasonable for him to leave you this information?

Original poster

MsBakingCakes · 08/04/2012 10:32

My post is not to get into a discussion of what is reasonable or not. He has stayed at my mum's in the past while we were together and he knows where she lives as well as having her telephone number. So he can easily contact us by phone as well as internet and it has been done in the past. I travelled with DD last Christmas to go and see m family and he never got solicitors involved or asked so many questions. Also he never gave me writen consent to fly although he agreed to us flying.

I just want to know what legally I have to tell him. I do not fancy him stalking us when we go to see my family as it is not very nice to be honest as well as I would not like to find him in the same plane as us when we are flying.

NickNacks: when DD is with him he does not provide this information.

OP posts:

catsareevil · 08/04/2012 10:37

If you are relying on having the written permission then he probably wont give it without the details he wants.

ScroobiousPip · 08/04/2012 11:02

MsBakingCakes - it's not entirely clear from your posts but it sounds as if you are proposing to take your DD out of the country to visit family? I'm guessing, but may be wrong, that your family live wherever you grew up and that you and your ex-DH now live overseas??

Assuming you now live in a country which is party to the Hague Convention, then you do need your ex-DHs consent to remove your DD from the country. It seems perfectly reasonable that, before he gives his consent, your ex-DH knows where you are going, for how long, and that you have return flights booked (hence wanting to know the flight numbers). You don't legally have to provide this information but if you don't I imagine that he would refuse to grant you consent to leave - and could apply for a Court order requiring you to stay in the country.

If you are worried about providing the information for some reason, you need to see a lawyer. Plenty offer free consultations for the first half hour which might be all you need. Or a CAB or similar should be able to help too.

marriednotdead · 08/04/2012 11:14

IIRC, if you both have PR, you do not need his written permission for trips abroad of 4 weeks or less unless it has already been specified in your PRA.

In your shoes, I would write to his solicitor giving them dates but not specific flights etc. Point out about him being able to email, knowing your mum's address etc. Say you are mystified by his request, especially as it is through a different solicitor to the one he usually uses

Lay out your current contact arrangement (in case he's lied to solicitor) and confirm you have no intention of varying/reducing it beyond any effect the holiday has.

I would also tell them your reason for refusing to give flights numbers (previous stalking) and say that you will only provide that level of detail if compelled to do so by a court.

If you come across as the nice reasonable parent that you are, his solicitor should tell him to wind his neck in calm down.

marriednotdead · 08/04/2012 11:16

X post with SP, if you are not both in UK then rules differ.

Original poster

MsBakingCakes · 08/04/2012 11:41

We are both in the UK but in different parts of the country. He already has information of when we are flying out of the country and when we are back in the country by email for the next couple of trip this year.

ScroobiousPip: I am not removing DD from the country. I am taking her on holiday to see my family as he has given me on his contact proposal (which I have accepted) 5 weeks per year to spend abroad with DD visiting my family. I do have consent from him by text saying that he does not opose us going to see my family. I have giving him by email the dates of trips the one coming and the one at the end of the year. So yes he has all this information.

Marridnordead: our holidays does not have an impact on his contact rights as he only sees DD every 8 weeks and I have booked the flights once he told me by email the dates he was having DD this year. So not impact at all. While she is with my and DP he only sees her on saturdays (if she is lucky) on Skype and doesn't get any phone calls during the week because according to him he has the right to social life

He is a very controlling person and even though we live miles away last time he was stalking us was last march so that is why I am bit wary of how much information I have to provide. We have just finilised all the separation agreement and this has come out of the blue and with new solicitors.

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 08/04/2012 12:54

marriednotdead - I'm afraid you are wrong. In the absence of a Residence Order you need the consent of everyone with PR in order to take a child out of the country regardless of the length of the visit.

STIDW · 08/04/2012 14:12

"My post is not to get into a discussion of what is reasonable or not"

Thing is the courts expect parents to be reasonable and generally it's considered reasonable for parents to know where their children are staying at night. Taking children abroad without the appropriate consent risks falling foul of s1 Child Abduction Act 1984 where it is an offence to take children abroad without the appropriate consent.

Original poster

MsBakingCakes · 08/04/2012 20:08

STIDW: thanks for the clarification. I am completely aware of Child Abduction Act 1984 so I know that I need a consent from DD's father to take her abroad. I just want to know what I am legally entitled to provide as ExP keeps asking all type of questions that he does not need to know as how much my DP earns per year and things like this.

Do I have to give him an exact address of where we are staying while visiting my family? Or is it enough to tell him that we are staying at my mum's? He has her landline and can contact DD anytime on my mobile phone. Does he need to have flights number and proof that I have bought the tickets? The only proof that I have about the tickets is the confirnation they sent to my email.

I am just worried that he may decide to buy tickets on the same flight and travel to the same country and stalk us there.

Thanks

OP posts:

3xcookedchips · 08/04/2012 21:50

Legally:

You dont have to tell him diddly squat!

You dont even have to respond to his solicitors letter as it carries no legal weight. Solicitors are only 3rd parties acting under instruction.

If you do respond it pointless getting in to a dialogue/discussion with them unless you want to waste your time and burn more of his money. Keep responses succinct and relevant.

Stop worrying about his decision to instruct new solicitors, that's his call and out of your control.

However, if you choose not to pass him the relevant info then he may explicitly refuse you permission to take your child out of the country.

In that case if he does - you have two choices:

Go to court and seek the order and then explain why you refused to to give him the travel details, you may look shifty yourself.
Aquiesce to his request and go on holiday - providing travel details such as those he is after is standard - sadly.

As what your new partner earns - let him ask, none of his business - and that goes for most of your life outside of that, that directly affects your child.

babybarrister · 08/04/2012 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMummyFromNotts · 09/04/2012 01:15

Just take the flight..
You are in full care of your child, i really don't understand the problem here ..
If you decide to go on hols with your child then so be it in my opinion you don't need to confirm anything your rights as a mother always override the fathers, it the father who would have to confirm such details the paper belongs in the flipping bin and all this legal crap is just a money making game people making decision at a cost all the time, i would advise you in the future before you book a hol's just don't tell him in the first place to prevent such matters arising sometimes being honest isn't the best policy when it comes to ex'es. I believe alot of people commenting on here are taking your ex partner side.
I believe if it was the otherway around alot of people would be questioning you for asking where your child going and just making out your some obsessed ex that wants to be nosey..
This site isn't exactly a good place to be talking about ex issues as alot of women or males take it as a opportunity to make jugdements and personal digs.
what best for one family breakup isn't best for another.

ScroobiousPip · 09/04/2012 07:18

. Really, just . Your post is wrong on every level AMFN.

babybarrister · 09/04/2012 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baabaapinksheep · 09/04/2012 07:31

AMFN - you very obviously have no idea of the law, and since the op is asking for legal advice its probably best to keep you personal opinions to yourself.

ValentineBombshell · 09/04/2012 07:40

Is that what you think is behind it, babybarrister, that he's after a PSO?

Given he's given permission for OP's dd to go, knows where she's staying, what difference does it make if he has the flight details, although it's a pita. But must admit, I'd be concerned he's gone to the trouble of paying for this legal advice and letter,

Although [ersonally I'd be tempted to reply directly to him by letter and not the solicitor and let him do all the leqwork where they are concerned.

prh47bridge · 09/04/2012 08:05

Agree with babybarrister. AMFN's "advice" is completely wrong and could get the OP into serious trouble.

3xcookedchips · 09/04/2012 08:30

Ha, ha...your comment 'your rights as a mother always override the fathers...'...thats priceless, what planet are you on...

Original poster

MsBakingCakes · 09/04/2012 09:38

Thanks babybarrister. You always give very good advice. I will be repying because I don't have anything to hide and it would be very stupid from my side not to return to the UK as I perfectly understand that I can get into problems. I am perfectly aware that if I would like to go to live to another country with DD I would have to ask for permission to remove DD from jurisdiction which at the moment it is not my intention at all as we are very happy where we are.

I just wanted to make sure that he was in his right to know all that information as I have mentioned before he keeps asking questions which I am not sure if they are whithin his PR even though he says that he s the right to know.

Babybarrister: does he have the right to know how much money DP earns? Also if we are going on holiday in the UK, does he need to know where we are staying and for how long even though it does not have an impact on his visiting rights? Should I also tell his new solicitors that he has been stalking us?

Thanks very much

OP posts:

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