Family court - child proceedings

[philosowatzit]

Dear all,

Please may I have some help and advice regarding a contact application to see two children, ages 3 and 5 by their father. Daughter alleged SA (hope you understand that, but can't say too much as proceedings still ongoing) There has been no contact for 3 years. He has PR for daughter, but not son. Judge denied PR at last directions hearing and name change for son. Basically, not enough evidence, or proof, and expert psych, on father side, didn't believe daughter. Trying for PAS. SW, expert paed (since capitulated on reading psych report, and now it appears CAFCASS officer believe daughter, however, no findings were made. CAFCASS lovely lady said she can't disagree with findings because it would be comtempt of court??? Is that true? Daughter said she didn't want to 'see him' when visited by CAFCASS, Indirect contact has been recommended, not sure about 'ordered' to start with, Daughter said she doesn't even want to see that. A family assitance order has been put in place.

What exactly is that? will it help applicant or daughter? Back to court early next year. Barrister advised me (legally aided) that I have to 'come on board' or risk loosing the children due to emotioal harm. Will that happen?

Of course I have accepted that recommendation, if not, will I be in comtempt of court? Can I disagree with it?

Will daughter really be listened to if indirect contact doesn't go well? Are the two planned sessions just to see her reacion? Should I rock the boat by asking the CAFCASS lady to say what she really thinks to the court, or just keep my mouth shut and see what happens?

Thanks you in advance for any advice

Oh, and good luck tomorrow yummymumsie, give your children lots of big cuddles and lots of big love afterwards. (and a cyber one from me and mine) My daughter has suggested to me that I could take her out somwhere nice after the indirect contact session. I thought that was a marvellous idea, giver her something to look forward to after.... What other ways have you found to de-stress afterwards?

Hi Phil. I don't understand what you mean about indirect contact session? My kids had indirect contact and their father barely wrote to them and then the court awarded them supervised contact anyway. You have to keep your emotions out of it, sadly it's all a game and you have to learn how to play it. I speak from 2 years and 11 hearings of court proceedings. Get help from anywhere you can to help your children deal with it. This countries court system allows abusers to continue. My ex is an abusive man, always has been always will be, period. He uses the court system to continue his abuse and they allow him to. He never enquires about the children's welfare even though he has seen the reports about their state I'd mind from camhs, doctors etc. He knows the contact distresses them but he doesn't care. He needs help if he is ever to have a relationship with his children, not a solicitor taking thousands of pounds off him to convince him he's right. I pity him, if he could take a step back, read the reports properly and think about it, surely he wouldn't do this to them. I feel completely impotent too Phil

I mean CAFCASS bringing letters and photo's or cards and monitoring their reactions to them. I'm sure I've seen elsewhere on this site about asking for a mental health assessment of the applicant, could you ask for this? Although it might be seen as obstructing/annoying the applicant of course, and we can't have that can we!

I'd never heard of indirect contact being done like that. It seems like a good idea though because then they don't have to take your word for how they react. Let's face it us mums know nothing in the eyes of the court and you're right we couldn't possibly do anything to upset or inconvenience their dads could we?
I'm sorry I seem a bit ranty, I've had such a horrible week seeing my children suffer, I've put a positive spin on contact, done all the right things and promoted it but they're not stupid children, they're worried because they had such a horrible time last time and every other time and I'm frustrated because noone seems to care.
I wanted to say as well that I don't think all solicitors are only in it for the money but some are. My ex's solicitor seems to want to find a reason to blame me for everything and twists everything so that it couldn't possibly be her clients fault. Surely she's not doing him any favours as he needs to alter his behaviour if he stands any chance of having a good relationship with his children. You certainly wouldn't find my ex's solicitor on here at all hours offering free advice!
I feel like I am still in my marriage sometimes because he still gets to control and bully me through the court system, this is very much recognised by women's aid.

Phil have you contacted the nspcc? They are very helpful if there is suspicion that a child has been abused.

NSPCC, no haven't contacted them, what good are they going to be? doubtful they'd be able to help. Message I am getting is no-one will help us as we are being dragged through the court system. What can Womens Aid do also? Courts aren't going to be interested in any of that stuff, if they have decreed he's a saint, sans halo. How did it go the other day mumsie? I've had a weekend off thinking about all this. Christmas shopping yay. and yes, I like the way they've worked the indirect contact, it means, hopefully, when daughter expresses her wishes, I can't then be further accused of putting words in her mouth, as if I ever did. I can't even get my kids to ask Santa for a pressie. Bless them. But I just hope their wishes won't be over-ruled, and the court will listen to them. Fingers crossed....