What happens if children refuse to attend contact visits?

[OhWesternWind]

Can anyone help me with what is at the moment a theoretical question? I am separated from children's father who was physically and emotionally abusive towards them. They hate him and have no interest whatsoever in seeing him because of his past treatment of them. He has not seen them for nine months and they are more than happy with this. However, he has now applied to the court for access and I am advised that he may be given a supervised contact order. The children are late primary school age.

I know that the children will not go to see him. Even a mention of seeing him triggers panic attacks, screaming, crying, self-harm. They physically will not get into the car (or out of the car if I trick them into getting in it) to see him. I will not/cannot (they are large and active children, I can't lift them or manoeuvre them into a vehicle) use physical force to make them see him nor do I feel happy about deceiving them about where they are going and then springing him on them, so to speak, as I feel that would destroy all trust they have in me to protect them and keep them safe. Knowing what has gone on, and how severely his treatment of them has affected them (we are talking self-harm and suicide threats here from young children), I cannot do this to them. But they will not go unless they are tricked into it, and that would only work once anyway.

I want to make it clear that I am not preventing contact for revenge or any personal reason. There is no contact in order to keep the children safe and also because it is the clearly stated wish of both children that they do not see him.

On the other hand, I am scared stiff I will end up in prison for not making them see him. Can anyone please advise what I can do about this?

shared residency is way down the line, if you only at stage of him maybe getting supervised contact.

Actually one father was recently awarded shared residence so the child now "lives" with him two hours a fortnight in a contact centre where it is supervised.

ok so legally it is shared residence but practically speaking it isnt is it?
just gives rights eg mother cant take child away abroad without his permission etc.

The children are both having counselling which their school has arranged for them and the eldest is also going to have treatment on the local NHS Children's Psychiatric Service (got an appointment later this month after waiting since the summer). I am not sure if this is the same as CAHMS or not but this is who the GP referred to so I am hoping they will have the people to help.

Thanks for the book recommendation - I will definitely take a look.

And thank you all for keeping replying and talking about these difficult issues. I find it so hard to talk to people about this so it really helps to get your thoughts on here.

Yes, CAMHS is the same as the children's psychiatric service.

Sorry - I was answering your question about the child's right not to have a relationship with their parent if that is their clearly stated wish. As Collaborate says, the reaction of your children takes us beyond them simply saying they don't want to see their father and into territory that will be considered by the court.

Chin up. Courts shouldn't be viewed as hostile. When there are welfare concerns or allegations of DV the court will investigate as Collaborate said. Evidence from independent professionals that children are suffering harm is taken seriously and the courts will want to ensure that measures for safe contact are in place. It's important to support an attempt to evaluate the child?s relationship with the other parent by trying to facilitate any supervised contact visit the court might deem appropriate.

cestlavielife,

cestlavielife, it's a bit of a digression but a residence order determines where a child lives and it is Parental Responsibility that gives parents equal responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities. When someone has a residence order in their favour they may take the child abroad for up to a month without consent of the other parent. If there is a shared residence order neither parent requires consent from the other to go on holiday abroad.

Shared residence can in different proportions from 50:50 and apart from going abroad there really isn't an practical difference from the more conventional contact/residence order. I wouldn't worry about it.

the local NHS Children's Psychiatric Service sounds like CAMHS. You need to make sure that the Court know about their involvment and any recommendations they may make. Does the Court know about the extent of the police involvement? Do they have a copy of the police papers in the family case papers?

Thanks ZC. The local PPU officer who was involved in taking the video statements off the children told me to get my solicitor to get a transcript, as they were "very good" and would help my case, so I hope this is being sorted out. The solicitor also knows about the Psychiatric Service involvement and I hope they will be able to say something on the children's behalf. We are still waiting for a court date for the first hearing so it is early days yet and I don't know what the process is and how things happen. I will find out soon enough I am sure!

Ex has sent a solicitor's letter today with several worrying developments including false accusations he is making against me. I haven't been able to get hold of my solicitor today and I am really worried. He has a history of mental illness and suicide and the letters his solicitor is sending do not sound particularly rational. Also he is not consistent from one solicitor's letter to the next - the one I got today totally contradicted the one I got last week. Don't know what to do really.

At the First Appointment the judge will decide what information in the form of reports is required to assist him/her make a decision, sets a timetable for future hearing and considers any application for interim orders. When there are welfare concerns CAFCASS are asked to prepare a report.

CAFCASS reports contain various bits and pieces including information gathered from the school and criminal record checks, documentation about what each parent has told the reporter about the background, the children's wishes and feelings, the reporters conclusions and recommendations.