Separating: I have been offered a job 5 hours away fom where ExP lives. Can he stop me acceting the job and moving with DD?

[Iamamesswhy]

A bit of background: I separated from ExP almost 6 months ago. As I am from abroad I have not been receiving HB and CTB (it seems to be right although I have an appeal in place). At the end of the month my JSA contribution based runs out and I have been told that I will be declined JSA income based as I have a financial interest on a property ExP and I bought together and which he has kept. He should pay me off but he is not willing to pay me at all. He has declined twice to go to mediation and last letter from my solicitor advise me to accept his last offer which is just half of what I am legaly entitled to.

There is a delcaration of trust signed between us but my solicitor is telling now that because I have never paid towards the mortgage, even though I have paid utilities bill and food, the declaration of trust may not be legally binded and if we go to court and I do not get what I am entitled to I will have to pay my costs plus ExP's. This would mean that I would be left with nothing after I have had to pay all the costs.

So the reality is that if I accept his last offer (which I am considering) I will not get any benefits at all and DD and I will become homeless by the end of the month. Now the solution is that I have been offered a job in the south while we live in the north and I am going to accept it. So my question is what can ExP do to stop me moving and accepting this job? It is the only option I have to provide for DD as I have been looking for work fo the last 7 months and even though I have sent plenty of application forms nothing seems to come where we currently live. I will have to start working mid November so I am planning to move by the end of the month with DD.

Any help much appreciated. Thanks in advance

Forkful, sorry but your opinion on the courts is of no value or relevance to anything and your website is useless rubbish.
I told the OP exactly what her options were and likely outcomes.
Why post anything when you clearly don't know what you are talking about?
How is that helping her?

Iamamesswhy the organisation I linked to www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/ offers free confidential legal advice to women. There is a lot of good information on their website.

Good luck with your new job.

Thanks everyone.

Tyr: I am planning to speak with DD's father tonight when he brings DD back from having dinner at his house and a friend of mine will be here. She used to be a common friend but after everything he has done she is not very happy with ExP. Do you think this would be a good idea? I have never intended for this to happen but seeing how things are developing I do not have a lot of options left and I strongly believe this is the best that DD and I could do in order to give her a decent life. The job I have been offered I used to do it before I went on my maternity leave and I love it. I know I can do it and it is very rewarding. I am a bit scare of how he would react that is why I think that maybe it would be a good idea if I tell him face to face instead of through the solicitor. Is this a mistake?

I really need to do something positive for DD and myself. It has been hell for the last 6 months (longer than that really) and I do not have a lot of support in this country. All my family lives in Spain and I am completely alone.

Thanks again

I would caution you about being too honest with your ExP, if he is happy to leave you and his dd in poverty he is not to be trusted. Get everything in place and see another solicitor before you confide in him.

You need to protect yourself and DD and you are doing the right thing but taking a job, honestly you have no choice do you?

You need another solicitor and the Rights of Women is a good place because it is free and you need some perspective. As long as you do everything you can to promote contact with her Father and can prove all your job applications (keep all the rejection letters) I cannot imagine a court would stop you.

Please do not tell him yet, you must take some further advice.

OP,

If you come to some agreement with the father, that will be best for everyone, not least the child. If a mutual friend can help, so much the better.
The problem with courts, is that they often make orders that don't suit either parent. If it does go to a court, they will not focus on your rights or his.
Good luck.

Spoken with my friend and she does not want to see him because if he does not treat me properly, which it will the case, she won't be very happy and won't be able to keep her mouth shot. I am very scare of talking with him on my own as he is very controlling and can be a bit nasty. So I guess the only solution is to do it through the solicitors.

We should be moving next week and I have already found a good nursery for DD and they have places available. He is talking her away on holiday the second week of November so I really need to introduce her to the nursery the first week of November so she gets used to it. How quickly can he get a Prohibite Steps Order?

I really hope I don't lose this job as I will be stuck where we live and homeless

Iamamesswhy I will get accused of all sort here but you need to know that Tyr is a man. I believe he is looking at things from a pure "legal" perspective.

I strongly recommend that you repost in relationships and link to here and you will get more responses from women - especially women who have been in this situation.

You can contact Rights for Women for free legal advice.

I would think that he can get a prohibitive order quicker if you give him the information that you are leaving in advance.

If he is "very controlling and a bit nasty" then he is abusive.

I also recommend that you contact www.womensaid.org.uk/.

The normal transactions and communication in a relationship or between separated partners do not apply when one partner is abusive.

Please please protect yourself and your DD's future by contacting these organisations.

I can't disagree more strongly that seeking to reach an agreement with an abusive man could ever be better than taking this job to provide for you and your DD. Your ex is not providing for your DD and is actively seeking to deny you £ to which you are due.

Forkful,

The only thing you can be accused of is talking complete rubbish but you already know you're doing that.
The OP posted in legal about legal issues, not your personal issues.
OP, talk to a solicitor. You've already been advised to do that re. finances. Many offer a free initial consultation and any reputable family lawyer will tell you the same; try and reach an agreement. Even if it ends up in court, the judge will encourage an order by consent. It isn't always possible but that is how family law works.

I think Tyr's advice has been sound and unbiased. Gender is irrelevant, the OP asked for legal advice, which she has been given.

The only thing I would be cautious about is the holiday in Novemeber. Is there any chance at all the your ex could refuse to return your dd? A friend went through similar, although her children were slightly older. Her ex refused to return the children, and immediately enrolled them in a local school. It took months and months and months for the court case to be heard following countless cancellations and adjournments (is that the correct phrase?). By which time the children were settled in their new school/home/life and the court ruled that they should stay with the ex.

Just a thought...

I have absolutely no legal experience/qualifications whatsoever.

Good luck

i dont think you should start any conversation when he brining dd back to you. you need to try and arrange a time completeley separate from handovers and when dd is not arounda t all. eg during day time when she can be with someone else?

handovers are really not a good time to begin any conversation other than hello how was she? all fine good. ok bye.

also not at your home or his - needs to be in a neutral place with a third party.

babybarrister,

Is your case going to an appeal?

Thank you very much to all of you. I will try to talk with my solicitor tomorrow and see what happens. At the same time I'll try to find a new solicitor. Can anyone tell me if I will need to reapply for new legal aid? I have been with my solicitor since May this year and I am not sure how exactly legal aid works. Would I get legal aid again if I change solicitor?

What will happen if he gets a prohibited steps order to DD and me? and how long will it take for a judge to decide if I am able to move or not?

Thanks again all of you have been giving me very good information. I will not talk with my ExP tonight.

Tyr you mention a case CK vs MK which is a recent ruling about an external relocation. Could you post a link as to where I can find it? I am currently planning to move to Europe and would like to find out more.

OP, I recently saw a solicitor who specialises in external relocation who I found via www.reunite.org. I paid £30 for an initial consultation and found the advice excellent and it also backed up a lot of the advice I had received on here.

Before you change solicitor, I would raise your concerns and (as I think Collaborate suggested) ask to speak to a more senior member of the firm.
If you change solicitor there will be a bit of delay while papers are transferred and the new one gets up to speed on the case.
Your legal aid certificate should transfer so I wouldn't worry about that. Court cases can drag on for months and the delays seem to be getting worse but you need to get the solicitor to explain the process- if it comes to that
The advice about not raising difficult issues at handovers is good but you will still need to find a way to communicate for the sake of your child, no matter what you think of each other.

QueenofWhatever

I don't know how to attach files here but this is the neutral citation number. Google it and you should get the case. Let me know if you can't.

MK v CK [2011] EWCA Civ 793 (07 July 2011)

The OP is proposing an internal relocation which is not addressed in the ruling although I get the impression that there has been a ripple effect...

at Forkful, what a load of rubbish, Tyr has been providing good advice.

There is a place for every discussion and when you need to talk about legal issues, perhaps it is not the best idea to go back to relationships. IME everybody is so nice and happy to hold your hand in relationships (I'm thankful for that) that they are happy to provide their insights in the legal process or even ask you to take certain actions even when they don't have a clue what legal processes are about.

IMO Tyr has not taken into account the abusive situation. It is of the utmost importance that women in an abusive situation are directed towards somewhere like women's aid and that women have access to free information and resources (like the Rights for Women website) - this in conjunction with legal advice is the way forward.

Think very carefully about why a male lawyer posting here might want to be so dismissive about me suggesting that website - in fact saying "your website is useless rubbish".

Also saying " your opinion on the courts is of no value" - I am happy to debate differing points of view but stating someone's opintion is "of no value" is an attempt to silence me. I certainly wouldn't deal with a lawyer who told me my opinion was of no value!

OP and others - you may be interested to know that MN provides its own link to Rights For Women from their domestic violence webguide which is linked to at the top of the Relationships board.

thanks everyone for your opinions and sugestions. I have finally accepted ExP offer even though it is only half of what DD and I should be entittle to. I have also communicated to my solicitor my intention to move next week. So I guess ExP will get the letter today, scary!!!!!

He is coming to pick DD u to go for dinner at his so hopefully everything will be ok and he won't make any arguments about it. I only hope that he allows us to move and does not put it to difficult for us.

I know that we should be entittle to more but I do not have any more energies to keep fighting and I really need to put an end to this situation.

Thanks again and hopefully I will not have to come back and post about "Prohibit Steps Order"

Hopefully you'll have a chance to catch your breath now, but can I strongly suggest you contact Women's Aid for information, advice and support? As others have said, where there is evidence of abuse (and it doesn't have to be physical) from one partner, different considerations must be taken with regard to legal remedies.

Rights of Women most certainly are not "rubbish," (and I'm shocked that a reputable solicitor would use such terms to publicly describe other solicitors,) The organisation is staffed by solicitors with considerable experience in such cases, many of whom volunteer their time for this. They can recommend a specialist solicitor in your area if that is what is needed.

Forkful, Women's aid is great but IME and that of other women I have sent in their direction, they hardly ever pick up the phone. Charities that support victims of domestic abuse are also great (I had one holding my hand at some point and for that I'm very very very grateful) but they struggle to provide legal advice, because they are no law experts and rely on volunteers to help them out, which in turn do not have much time to spend in each case so can't carry out through a full legal battle to the end.

I think the important thing to see in the advice provided by other persons here is that Iamamesswhy can grasp the basics of the problem for free and then go to a solicitor with a clearer idea on what to ask and where the problems may lie. At the end of the day, if you only have half an hour free with a solicitor (or if you are paying £3 a minute for the advice) you better use your time wisely rather than wasting time and money showing up not knowing where to start.

I don't see a problem with Tyr's advice. You may not like the law as it stands, but it is what it is. Better to have sound advice in order to understand your options within the system. If you want to challenge the system, get in touch with your MP.