OMFG - I have lost a finding of fact case and violent Ex has been granted access

[pinkytheshrinky]

Just that really - I am so shocked I cannot believe it . The case was heard in June and only got a copy of the judgement today (we were meant to get a draft copy before it was handed down in court but it wasn't finished in time)

I cannot believe it - I have always always told the truth and they have found that I cannot prove he hit me or strangled me and even though my older DD (sadly) saw a lot of it and talked about it in counselling because she lied in a DV children's group (she was 7 at the time) that nothing she said could be used as corroboration. It says he may well have hit me but I am hot tempered so I provoked him!!!!

There are several factual errors in the judgement which if I had seen a draft I would have pointed out. I just am completely gobsmacked when I have played it straight but it says no I was not strangled because I did not call the Police!! He has not seen them for 3.5 years, they are scared and do not want to see him and he will not even write to them even though there is a court order compelling him to do so. The last letter was 11 months ago and now they are talking about contact at a centre. FFS what the hell am I going to do? I am crapping myself as he is a nutter.

Please help with any advice as I am terrified. I used to post as TartyHighHeels a while ago about the same stuff. I cannot believe this is happening to my family

I have decided to appeal - I take advice from a solicitor and she is going to help me write an appeal re. the big factual errors, irregularities in the trial and ignoring the wishes of the children and the advice of the nspcc. The nspcc wrote to the court and expressed that they felt that there were child protection issues when the children were in the care of their Father.

I am trying to find a pro bono barrister as I know this is a massively tall order but I do feel the judge has been prejudiced against me because I am always upset in court and not at my best. Their Father has lied and lied and lied and I cannot let this pass and upset my dds for the sake of pleasing the court.

I am going to give it a shot _ i have nothing to lose and not willing to put my dds through the trauma just to prove the point as I can make them go but it will cause untold upset to them and this is not their fault. They never asked for this to happen and my older dd has in particular has been very lovely and protective of her little sister (she is much more concerned for her than she is for herself)

I feel that is I can secure (yet another) long period of indirect contact, when he fucks this up (because he will, he has every other time) I will be able to protect them from actually seeing him until they decide otherwise.

Just wanted to let you know about a website that i stumbled accross the other day which does not appear in search engines.
It is a 'dads' site and the members are experienced at the court process and their main belief seems to be that no matter the curcumstances, if a man has provided sperm to create a child the he should have full control over mother and child(ren)
Just thought some might like to know what advice is being given to guys before and during the court process.
Hope it helps.

www.dads-uk.co.uk

Thanks so much. My Ex is a subscriber to all that clap trap about parental alienation etc and cites it regularly in court. Just got back form being away and we have dates arranged for the contact centre - despite the fact that I am going to appeal and they know what. They are ignoring the fact that cafcass said there should e a protracted period of indirect contact and the fact that he has not done that at all.

All the horrible fear is back and I have to fight but would rather pack up the children and completely disappear

I think that website is pretty good

I've read the site creators book-a very interesting read.

In what way do you think it is a good website? Handy for me to see what the other side is like I guess.

If this is meant to bait me, please don't because it is a very serious situation involving very traumatised children.

It is good because it lets you see the other side and knowledge is power. I also found talking to Respect, who run DV perp programmes, very helpful
www.respectphoneline.org.uk/phoneline.php. Person I spoke to knew all the ruses and put me wise to them along the lines of 'if I had a pound for every time I've heard that ... I'd be very rich.'
Know thine enemy basically.

I do know my enemy sadly and it has not helped me at all - it is terrifying that as long as he takes the tac of 'she's lying' then there is very little I can do as I have not contacted the Police enough or had any third party witnesses other than my own child.

I am sick and tired of it all and cannot understand how I could have been left in this position with children who don't want to see their Father being made to do it.

I will try giving them a call as I really have nothing to lose do I

pinky dds violent biological father got contact after 8 years of not giving a toss, nothing, no CSA, no presents, no visits.
Hes a violent, socially inept fuckwit.
Dd is now 15 and he still has supervised access, i dont think she wants to be on her own with him.

Im afraid even if your ex had murdered someone he would still get access, thats the law and it sucks

Oh and dd didnt even know about the biological father,she thought dh was her dad, i was forced to tell her by the court and CAFCASS.
Thsnkfully she still sees dh as her 'dad' and calls the idiot by his name only

It does beggar belief doesn't it mosschops - I cannot get my head around it. My lovely DH has been their Daddy for years now and fortunately they have a wonderful relationship with him. I just cannot believe that their wishes are not acknowledged - that their evidence is disregarded. I spoke to the CAFCASS lady again today and she is going to reinterview them again but getting the Judge to take advice is not always possible. I am going to try and get a pro bono barrister to help me because having done 5 years of defending the girls myself I have clearly not got it right.

And mosschops - I am so sorry for yourself and your dd - sounds like a dreadful situation and amazing that your DH and all his love and support is disregarded and put second place to someone who just happened to supply a sperm. Your poor DD, she deserves so much better than that doesn't she.

Dh is looking for a job abroad - it might be the only ay to reduce the impact of their fuckwit Father

Sorry you may have mentioned this - how old are the children?
Are they capable of speaking on behalf of themselves?
Find a Solicitor who does legal aid and is on the childrens panel - ask them to take your children on as clients in their own right - they will get funding.

If the Judge has said you provoked him then you have a good chance of appeal I would think.

Whereabouts in the country are you?

The children are 10 and almost 8 (the younger has some problems which mean she cannot always explain herself clearly - she has lang probs and mild asd) - the children have a lawyer in the sense that they have CAFCASS Guardian and she has a lawyer.

The children have been clear about their position though - they do not want to see him

I had no idea a Lawyer could take children as clients.

I am West Sussex/Hampshire border

Ok well a lawyer has already been appointed for the children then - is she/ he no help?

What does CAFCASS report say?

Sorry dont know that area

PM me if you dont want to put all your info on public website!

I have pmed you. Fundamentally the first cafcass report found him wanting big time and said he had not met the children's needs on the checklist - she said they were fearful of their Father.

The lawyer has made it very clear that she works for the guardian.

pinky my heart goes out to you and your dcs.

Its so hard iknow.
Just try and think about the good things, he will no doubt show his true self in time (the sperm donor has).
Remember every dog has its day, keep smiling

He will show his true self but I think he has fucked up so many times right in the view of the court and it makes no odds to anyone - he has rights and that is how it is. I feel so sorry for my dds, in all likelihood he will get to see them, get bored and leave them abandoned again and then come back and start the whole thing again. He thrives on the drama of it all, whether he sees them depends on what is happening in his life and whether his partner is interested or not. One thing it is not about is my children's' welfare. he is a thoughtless feckless bastard and all he causes is hurt.

In a sense I am already having my day, I have had the pleasure of my dds every day of their life. We love each other so much, they have new brothers and a happy family and all this horrible experience has bonded us beyond words. He cannot take that away from them or me but I know but he will cause a horrible mess try to do just that.

And thank you for being so kind, it does actually mean the world to experience the kindness of strangers.