I went to see a solicitor yesterday who I found through the Reunite website and she was just great. She said that so much depends on the comprehensiveness of your plan so I need a job offer, have to have found out which school and get print outs of where we would plan to live which is all stuff I've been planning to do anyway.
She said that there seems to be a sea change in the decisions judges are making away from the RP and more in favour of the NRP and this has happened in the last 12 months, especially as the number of cases is increasing. She said Payne vs Payne still stands but obviously if another decision comes along that basically overturns that, that's what will be used (sure I'm not using the right terminology at all here).
However she was really fantastic when we talked about what my ex is like and what the best methods would be to approach him. It was so reassuring that she got what a controlling and abusive man he is, obviously this doesn't apply to all cases but she said she sees lots of cases like mine.
In my case the best approach seems to be to get a job offer, put together a really great plan and then write a letter to my ex outlining my plans (whilst not giving him all the detailed stuff at that stage). She said I need to really research how contact would work (school holidays, flight times and costs) and outline that to him, including the suggestion that he reduces his maintenance to take into account that his contact costs will increase. My DD is six and she said that at that age the court will look for frequency, not just weeks at a time in the school holidays.
Everyone's approach would be different but for me it will be a case of doing the above and then, if he decides to take legal advice, for a solicitor to basically say it will cost you thousands and your chances of winning aren't good. My ex is financially motivated (and doesn't really want my DD) so that would be a good approach for me.
She also said I would be expected to go for mediation before applying to the courts. The initial session would be an assessment on my own and in my case with lots of DV (although non-physical) the chances are it wouldn't be recommended.
So sorry for the epic post, but it was just such a useful hour with her. What made it so great was that she completely got how abusive people use the system and manipulate their exes. Interestingly her parting shot was that if I wasn't successful I should still consider moving away from him to somewhere else in the jurisdiction and she's right, he's never going to leave me alone like this.