informally changing surname

[doublecream]

Hi
My son has my surname and his father's surname as his surname, ie double barrelled, but not hyphenated. His father and I have never really been together, but we were together for the first three months after our son was born so registered his name together (it's a decision I was never very happy with). Now, 5 years on, my son is starting school and I want to drop his father's name, so he just uses my surname. This would not change his formal and legal documents, just the way he is known on a day to day basis. Can I do this? The school has him registered under just my surname, but I guess when his father finds out he could cause trouble (he will) and insist they use the full surname. Can anyone offer any advice about whether I can push ahead with this and ask for the school's support, or will the father have stronger grounds? It's already an emotional subject so would be really grateful for factual and practical advice! Thank you so much. x

signothetimes - Your ex consented to the name change so you have not done anything wrong. And no-one is saying that it is a terrible crime, merely that the father can prevent any name change if he has PR.

prh, my ex never gave consent in writing. I talked to him, and he understood my reasons for doing this, but he never went as far as to give me a letter confirming he agreed to it. When given the choice of having more input in DD's upbringing in exchange for keeping things as they were, he chose not to contest it. He wasn't deliriously happy about it, but wasn't prepared to get 'legal' about it to stop me from doing this. However, not one organisation asked me for a letter confirming my ex consented to this. School, nursery, doctor, dentist. You name it, no one batted an eye lid at my request to have DD 'known as' my surname. My DD's nursery talked me through how to go about it i.e. how to talk to my DD so that she understood what was happening, at an age appropriate level, and the school also were happy to go along with this when she was registered with them. My point is, if doing this is such a 'big deal' as has been suggested i.e. the OP 'breaking the law' by doing this, then I doubt the route I took, and the experience I had, would have been possible, or so easy.

What I can gather the law isn't interested if the child's surname comes from the father or the mother.

The concern is if it's being done to marginalise a parent.

prh47bridge I do recall that now you mention it, when I researching name changes online. Sorry if I mislead anyone.

signothetimes - The law simply requires the consent of all those with PR. It does not require the consent to be in writing. Having said that, the school at least should have insisted on written consent according to DfE guidelines, although that depends on how long ago this happened.

The law is as I and others have stated. It is civil law, not criminal law. Therefore there is no requirement for organisations such as schools, doctors, etc. to enforce the law. There may be guidelines from the DfE, etc. but they are not breaking the law if they don't comply. They are at liberty to accept your child's change of name on your say so. However, if your ex did not agree to the name change and you went ahead with it anyway he could have got a Prohibited Steps Order to force you to use your daughter's original name.

yes for ds1 and ds2 they was before 2003

dd and ds3 have their dads name ,but dd has started asking about changing hers have told her that when she is 13 -14 and if still wants we cna look at doing it

Things have changed a bit since 2003. The current advice issued by the Dept of Education (or whatever it calls itself these days) that was issued earlier this year states;

"schools should ensure that the surname by which a child is known should not be changed without written evidence (independent of the parent seeking to make the change), that consent has been given by the 'other parent' or by anyone else who has parental responsibility for the child."

Some parents in England & Wales have recently indicated that the schools have notified the other parent when a name change has been sought which allows that parent to decide whether or not to raise a court action to prevent the name change.

Some schools are more 'aware' of the guidelines than others, I've found, and for some, the issue is one of time and resources involved in attempting to contact the other parent, particularly if the Resident parent is not co-operative in that respect. But I think they will gradually be more aware and rigorous in the future, particularly with Ofsted becoming more responsive to parental concerns - I certainly know of a school that was pulled up when a father realised his son's name had been changed without his consent and made a complaint.

I had my name changed unofficially by my mum and having documents, exam certs, bank accounts in different names is a pain in the arse.

I don't get the name change, why do kids have to go through it, just because generally mum doesn't like the name now they've separated from dad. I think if Dad has zero contact then I can understand, but if dad plays a role in day to day life it's deceitful to use a different name without discussing it first. And if you dislike having a different name, why don't you double barrel yours and then when your child is older you can change your name back to whatever it was.
I'm sorry if my post comes over as harsh, I certainly don't intend it to, but how would you feel if Dad was registering DC at afterschool activities etc and dropping your bit of the name and just hoping you didn't notice, I'm guessing you would be very unhappy!