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friends debt on credit card in my name.. help!

59 replies

GroovyRach · 22/06/2011 09:47

Thank you for taking time to read, feel like im hitting a brick wall and need advice on what to do next..

So, around two years ago, May 2009, a very good friend of mine (who is married with a young child) confided in me that she was in alot of debt (started an affair a few years back and took out a credit card to pay for travel etc). Things were tough and i felt sorry for her. I offered to take out a credit card with zero % interest in which she could transfer her money onto and use the year interest free to pay off as much as she could. Nothing was ever put down in writing, more a verbal agreement. As we were such good friends at the time, l had no reason to belive that things would turn sour!

It was agreed that after the year interest free period was up, she would take out either a loan or credit card in her own name in which to transfer the money back. As i said, nothing was ever put down in writing. She was the one who applied for the credit card over the internet, with all my details etc. Card is fully in my name and was sent to me. Basically for the first few months, she used the card online to buy shopping etc and used the cash she would have used for these things to pay off her existing credit card debt (think it was aprox £1200). I knew this was how she was working it out, but in my opinion it went over the top and soon the card was maxed out to £2,400. I was still being sent the statements at the end of the month (i dont think she realised that).

She did start off with good intentions, a decent amount of money was being paid off to 'my' credit card each month and i was happy with this. However, a year down the line, our friendship suffered a few knock backs and we stopped talking. As the interest free period on the card was now up, i assumed it would be only a matter of time before she switched it into her own name. Another couple of months passed and the payments got less and less (and now had the added interest on it). I spoke with her a few times, over text at first to say about switching. I got a few replies but then she changed her number. We were still at the time friends on facebook so we started exchanging private messages. She said her and husband were in process of looking for new house and were planning to take out extra money on their mortgage to clear off debt (including credit card). I was happy with this, i knew it would take a few more months but it looked like things were going the right way.

However, around christmas 2010, i contacted her again asking what was the lastest. Things seem to have came to a standstill, (debt at around £1300). She said they had found a house, there was just a few issues that they were hoping to have sorted asap. Once this was done, the mortgage would be put in place and the money freed up to clear the debt. As you can imagine, this never happened.

I started to to voice my concerns, sayin that i wasent happy about all this now. It was starting to affect me (I had applied for a home improvement loan to install a new heating system in my home over christmas but was refused due to debt). I said i wanted the money out of my name. Surely if she and husband can be approved for a mortgage, they can take out a loan/credit card in own name?! I initially recieved no reply to my message but then got a really nasty one back sayin that she was no longer accepting any threats from me as to repayments. She had spoken with citizens advice who had told her that as the money is in my name its my problem (which i do accept!). Basically it would be paid back on her terms, not mine. She said she was going through more financial difficulty and so payments would be made, but at the minimum. I was told not to contact her again, she would be back intouch with me when she was a little clearer about things. This was back in Jan 2011.

So as it stands now, the debt is around £1200. She seems to be paying around £40 a month, £25 of that is interest so very little is being paid off the debt each month which is what is annoying me the most! Now i understand that people have financial strains, but i know for a fact she could pay well more than that each month! They havent moved house, still in same place as when all this started. Husband on good job, as is she.

Now i know i should be greatful that the money is being paid, even if it is very little every month. I just cant understand why she cant just transfer the money back into her own name? I would like to think that if the shoe was on the other foot, i would be making it a top priority to clear off any money owed to a friend!

So, basically im left wondering what to do next? Ive sent a few more private mails over face book in last few months but no reply. I sent another last night but she has now deleted or blocked me on fb so i can no longer go down that path. I have no email or phone number. I have one number still on my phone which i think is her home number, but couldnt be sure. I may also have her husbands number, but again as it was from years ago, i dont know if it is still his.

Right now, id be willing to take all this to a small claims court. Im not asking for compensation, i just want the debt out of my name. But obviously, im worried that i could get into major trouble because of the fact that i 'alllowed' someone else to take out a credit card in my name and then use it. I spoke with citizens advice aswell a few months back, but she was a little unsure if going ahead would be the right thing cos of the fact that i didnt just hand her over the money, but it was done through a credit card. She wanted to speak with a lawyer but never did get back to me.

So has anyone got any advice/recomendations/help! for me?! I have learned a very tough lesson from all of this and i have been very silly, i was only trying to help a good friend out. Never once did i expect it to all turn out this way!

OP posts:
eurochick · 22/06/2011 10:50

As the friendship is already down the pan I think contacting the husband would be a good idea. And yes, cancel the card!

SarkySpanner · 22/06/2011 10:51

I would write THEM BOTH a letter stating how much is outstanding on the CC and reminding them that the agreement was that this would be repaid by xxx date.
Say that you want to meet with them both to discuss the repayment of this money.

Then phone their house at a time that you think the husband is likely to be in and ask to arrange this meeting.

Pagwatch · 22/06/2011 10:51

I am not bashing. Honest I get it.
But ( at the risk of bashing allegations Grin) the notion that we can figure out how people will react is naive. The adage never a borrower or a lender be is not because you might be dense about peoples morals but because people have an astonishing capacity to rationalize why they don't need to pay back.
They will invent slights or create distance or pick fights. Anything to make themselves feel justified in not repaying a loan.
My sister and her dh got caught like this by their best friends of 15 years. Shocked the hell out of all of us back then, but it happens so often and there is always a pretext to avoid the loan.

It isn't about bashing honestly. Just you can never think 'i trust her, she will pay it back' . Even otherwise fantastic friends or family can turn when large amounts of money are involved. Shockingly common.

Honeydragon · 22/06/2011 11:04

You inferred she has online access, if she has this and is making the min payment she will know if you have paid it off and may stop payment.
Legally you haven't a leg to stand on unless you go down the fraud route...which you can't.

However....if she is turning nasty just as you would have to prove she agreed to pay you back. Your friend would have to have proof that you were complicit in allowing her this card. If it is all her spending than you could prove you were not in the same local by looking at your bank statement spending at that time. I'm not suggesting you do this in reality but if she is trying to blackmail you it might be worth pointing this out.

If the CAB have not encouraged her to pay you back they have acted well out of their advisory remit too. They are meant to encourage returns to friends and family.

electra · 22/06/2011 11:04

I didn't mean to sound unkind GroovyRach - she is the one with disgusting morals not you and you are obviously a lovely friend.

Pagwatch has said what sums up my thoughts about it wrt how people behave when they are lent money. Someone I know was lent £1k by his girlfriend and he never had any intention of paying it back either before or after they split. And he tries to blame her for why he won't pay it back. It even happens within families.

electra · 22/06/2011 11:07

I also think that you should write a letter to her husband too. Do whatever you can to make her take responsibility as she has completely abandoned your agreement. Agree with Honeydragon's advice too.

TheRhubarb · 22/06/2011 11:15

I'd give her a chance before telling her dh, after all once her dh knows what she got to lose? And would he really insist that she pay it all back knowing that this will impact on his family too?

I would make it clear that this is an option for you and I would inform her that you've kept copies of the online chats which act as proof that you have loaned her the money (I'm wondering whether, if this would be seen legally as a loan from you to her that you could therefore claim in the small claims court?). You want her to pay the money back, not necessarily to destroy her marriage so give her the chance to do that. Right now you do have a lot to play for.

electra · 22/06/2011 11:25

Actually I think that one of the signs of a good friend is someone who does not whine about their money problems to anyone other than, perhaps, their husband. I never tell anyone if I'm having financial problems, and if anyone has ever offered to lend me money I always said no.

TheRhubarb · 22/06/2011 11:47

I've a very good friend who has offered to lend me money in the past but I have said no. If you get money involved then friendships are spoiled and it would be rude to take advantage of someone's good nature in this way. I would perhaps give someone money if I could afford to, not lend it to them as there's just too much that can go wrong.

Good luck with this one OP, let us know what you decided to do and update us.

Collaborate · 22/06/2011 12:50

Golly. Hasn't this thread snowballed!

I'm not so sure it's fraud on either side. OP - as you were aware of what was happening all the time you are liable for the debt as against the card company, as you're aware.

I don't see how some posters have said you can't take her to court. You have proof in emails and FB messages of the fact that she has acknowledged this debt to be hers. There is a paper trail leading back to her for all of the purchases and balance transfers. You don't need the agreement to be in writing to be able to sue.

I'd send her a letter before action. The threat of a county court action, followed by a judgment against her that you can enforce by getting a charging order against her home or by sending the baliffs round to seize her goods might be the kick up the rear that she needs.

Honeydragon · 22/06/2011 13:00

... taking the friend to court won't help her credit card or credit file. She may claim for a loan, but the credit card company will hold her liable. She has effectively authorised this.

The credit card company will only support against fraud when they have been frauded, this doesn't apply to the ops scenario.

Collaborate · 22/06/2011 13:07

But doing absolutely nothing positive to recover the money (OPs passive response so far, whilst understandable, has shown that her former friend is just taking the piss) means she might as well write it off.

And of course it will help her credit rating. The friend will either pay up (not wanting to be sued) or OP will get judgement which she can then enforce.

I can't understand why people are advising OP can't recover this. Of course she can. There's ample evidence to back her up. There was an intention to create legal relations.

TheRhubarb · 22/06/2011 13:08

True but she may be able to go down the small claims court if her paperwork proves that she used the card as a loan to help her friend out.

It's not a route I would take though because if she loses the case then she is liable for the court costs, but I would use it as a frightener for her friend. The CAB should have offered to contact her and tell her this. They did that for me when a company owed me wages, it was only £50 but I was a teenager and needed the money. The CAB phoned the firm, told them that they were advising me to take the matter to the SCC and the company backed down and paid me what they owed me. That was after months of them giving me excuse after excuse.

Honeydragon · 22/06/2011 13:11

yy but the judgement could rule that the friend pays £5 per month too. The ops still stuck with the responsibility to clear the card asap, and the interest will keep rising.

LIZS · 22/06/2011 13:14

Ask for the interest to be frozen and you need to tell her she cannot spend on it.

Kendodd · 22/06/2011 13:19

Haven't read the whole thread so this may have already been suggested. Does her husband know about the affair? If not could you threaten to tell him if she doesn't move the debt to her own card within two weeks?

Collaborate · 22/06/2011 13:22

If OP get's the interest frozen then it's a blight on her credit card.

The letter before action should specify the terms of the original agreement, the breach, and the steps she should take to remedy the breach. It should then say what OP will do in the event that she sails to do as asked.

We have a legal system in this country to help people like OP recover money owing to them. It's the best we've got. People shouldn't shy away from it. the court costs will be minimal - it will be in the small claims court.

EricNorthmansMistress · 22/06/2011 13:24

She still has the card? Shock

Cancel the card. Can you get a 0% interest on balance transfers card? Or if your card has a lower rate of APR than hers, transfer it to yours. Don't tell her. Take the £40 a month and see if you can jiggle it so the debt gets paid off more quickly.

At least she's paying. It may be that she physically can't get any credit in her name - my credit rating is poor, though I'm not in much debt (to banks anyway) and I can't get a loan. The only way I got one was through credit union - could you send her details of that? I expect she's desperate and can't get a loan in her name, and doesn't want her DH to find out.

Collaborate · 22/06/2011 13:24

meant to say blight on her credit rating.

TheRhubarb · 22/06/2011 13:25

Agree collaborate. A letter is the way to go. Print out everything you have and be prepared to use it. I think that everyone in the UK still has the right ot half an hour's free legal advice so you can pop along to a solicitor with your evidence just to see where you stand.

But if you write down in the letter the steps you will take to recover the money and include the fact that you are going to be honest with your own family about this debt and suggest that she is honest with hers, it may just make the difference and she'll suddenly find the money to pay it off.

Collaborate · 22/06/2011 13:25

Kendodd - that is blackmail and could land OP in trouble with the police.

TeamLemon · 22/06/2011 15:10

How about this?
Get a replacement card for the friends account.
Open a new cheaper 0% card account.
Transfer her balance to the cheap card.
Do your day to day shopping on the original account.
Use her payment (which I presume is direct to the card company) and then top it up to cover your spending.
Make sure you pay the equivilent of what she is paying into the new cheap account.

This way, she keeps on paying, the interest is not building up on her debt, and you will avoid fees/interest on the original account if you ensure it is paid in full each month.

Kendodd · 22/06/2011 16:33

"Kendodd - that is blackmail and could land OP in trouble with the police."

Yes you're right, OP, wait until she has paid you back or you have written off the money then tell him.

GroovyRach · 22/06/2011 16:56

oh my goodness, just read back through all of your messages! some very good advice has been given which i definitly will go down the route of..

to address some of the points-

  • no i dont believe the husband knows about the affair, he certainly didnt when we were friends. l wouldnt know for sure if he did now, but in my opinion of what i know him to be like, if he knew that his wife had done this (the money part) then he would be bending over backwards to have it clear. yes i know its not always easy to judge a person (!) but as i said, he is a very family, hard working, straight laced man. he would have to much pride to be in debt to a person.

  • it would be my intention to take this to a small claims court. when i spoke with citizens advice, it was brought up. she said fee's would be minimum and i would have to pay for them but she was unsure if we should go down that route as at the end of that day, technically what i done was illegal (by giving her the card) and she didnt want me to go down that route if it was gona get me in trouble (the last thing i want!)

i think as i still know her address, i may send her a letter now. i have no other options left. no phone number, email address or facebook. i can print off easily the conversation's that we have, that wont be an issue. as i said, im not lookng to destory this woman and her family, i simply just want the debt out of my name so i can move forward with my life. im not a person who has ever had many money problems. yes i have my own credit card but i am always very careful with it and never spend over my means.

i may even go back and speak with citizens advice, explain the situation again.

thank you all for your help!

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 22/06/2011 17:06

Kendodd

Yes you're right, OP, wait until she has paid you back or you have written off the money then tell him.

If you can't get away with blackmail go for revenge? Grin