Need advice re contact

[stoppinchingthedummy]

Hi all i apologise if this is a little confusing ,i will do my absolute best to let this make sense without too many details being revealed ...ok

My sister split from her partner of 6 years - he has a daughter who my sister has cared for,for the past 6 years since they got her out of care. Ok so they have split due to his drug taking and being unpredicatable and basically putting her through crap.

Ok so 3 weeks ago he left and came back a day later and "snached" his daughter( i know technically she hasnt been snatched cos he is her dad) and they are living with his relatives. Ok so now a court case is on as my sister fights for this child and has been told for 2 months the child will reside with her fathers family and my sister will have access once a week while the police,courts and ss find out the whole history!!

Right so now my sister has been told by her barrister no contact with the ex or his family only to meet on her access day at a specific time and drop off at the same time every week. She has just had a phonecall from one of the family members who has the child ,saying that he has been texting her (my sis) and as she hasnt replied he will be using this as evidence in court that she cant be bothered about her access day!!! My sister is now highly upset as she is very very excited about seeing the child (who she has always been mum to) and is now worried this will go against her having her back permanatly

my question for someone who knows is can she get into trouble for not answering them since she was told by her barrister no contact?

Any replies recieved i will be greatful for. :)

stoppinchingthedummy I think the bottom line is the child's biological relatives and wider family need to get a viable care plan worked out and consented to by the child's father and preferably also by her biological mother. It seems quite possible and or likely that an interim supervision order or interim care order has been issued by the court. Applications to vary or discharge such orders can be made as specified in section 39 of the Children Act 1989. I don't think there is any need to wait for two months to elapse before doing that, if a viable family plan can be decided by the broad family for accommodating and caring for the child, with the consent of the biological parents. Either of the parents (via their solicitors), or the child (via her CAFCASS guardian and solicitor), or your sister (via section 39(3) and her solicitor), can apply to vary or discharge the existing court order to suit any new proposed family plan, preferably asap. A potential problem being that in "public law" proceedings, eg child care, it is possible that all of the child's and family's lawyers will be covertly assisting the other side the Local Authority, for reasons I can explain later, if appropriate and or necessary. "Private law" proceedings re children are eg re divorce or separation of partners. Section 39 :- www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/section/39

If you really want to help posters on here JH, you need to make your posts more accessible to those who are asking for help.

Someone with no knowledge of the system and the language used is just going to be confused by your writing.

I am sure that you know that parents with LDs are particularly vunerable to intervention from social services. I am therefore suprised at the way you word your advice.

I am struggling to follow it to be honest. I am educated to secondary level and have an average IQ. I sincerely hope this is not the style you use when you are supporting parents who dont have these advantages.

Families within the system stuggle and often give up because they simply do not understand what is going on around them. Your writing is on a par with the worst sort of SS jargon heavy correspondence.

Just saying.

Nah, just say it mrs devere. He's a crank allowed by MN to continually rejoin and post this dangerous advice. Wonder how many more parents will take action fatal to their chances of keeping their kids just because of one of these outrageous posts.

Any suggestions for my new name?

Im greatful for your replies but im struggling to understand some of what is being written - its all quite heavy- Im in total dispair on what to do - the childs biological father has in no way got her interests at heart - he is just thinking about him - social services can not see this - he has made her contact her biological mum despite there being a NO CONTACT order for the past 5 years - we are in no doubt that this is to get drugs from her- its stressing me out no end because im completly helpless - i can not have her here because social services are "content" with where she is after one visit but i feel that i cant let my sister give up on her and obviously she doesnt want to give up on her because she loves her so much (I sound very selfish here i know and its not in any way about me but i feel like i NEED to help this child but cant)

Thank you Maryz :)

If Maryz, or anyone else, can point to anything specific I have said which they believe to be wrong I invite them to do so. In which case I will attempt to explain what I meant and or correct any (alleged) "errors". Otherwise, if you stoppinchingthedummy wish to invite any further comments from me or anyone else I suggest you do so.

It's your crank conspiracy theory ideas that a parent's solicitor will be working against them (in collusion with the LA) that I find so offensive. Oh, that and the utter conviction that SWs are just kiddie smartness who lie their way through the care/court proceedings, and so parents ought not cooperate with them. As if every parent going through such proceedings has nothing wrong with their parenting. As if baby Peter never existed.

I think you are wrapped up in you self appointed role as expert and crusader.
The way you write shows me that you have no idea about the sort of families that need the most help.
You enjoy sounding like a lawyer even though you profess to be there for the very families who would be confused and put off by your posting.
You make out that families are pretty helpless in the process and therefore are likely to put people off doing anything. You will make families GIVE UP.
Because you want to sound clever and knowledgable.

YOu dont really care about the families and children do you?

Thank God I didnt get involved with you when I was trying to keep my DS out of care. I stuck with those who didnt have a personal, egotistical agenda. I kept away from dangerous empire builders.

I am not a baby-snatching sw, a posh woman who wants to adopt some poor chav's baby because I cant have my own, I am not a meddling HV who thinks a mother cant keep her child because she cant read or write. I dont fit any of those offensive sterotypes.

I am working class, I kept a child out of care and he is safe and with his family.

I do not believe that you have the best interests of families at heart.
Is that clear enough for you?

I meant kiddie snatchers. Damn iPhone auto correct.

stoppinchingthedummy My main advice is that the broad family and friends of the child should get their heads together and devise their own "care plan" for the child, by means of which the child's physical and emotional and educational welfare is attended to and delivered. In my opinion the best way of achieving this is by the family and friends discussing the situation and agreeing on what appears to be a viable plan. In your first posting of Thu 10-Mar-11 17:54:58 you say "Right so now my sister has been told by her barrister no contact with the ex or his family only to meet on her access day at a specific time and drop off at the same time every week." That may or may not be good legal advice, for reasons best known to the barrister and or your sister's solicitor, from whom her barrister takes his or her instructions, but I would say it is bad strategic advice! In my opinion your sister should be talking to her ex and his family re a viable care plan for the child. In your posting of Sun 13-Mar-11 19:00:42 you say "my sisters ex has rang her today saying he needs her to take the step daughter to school and he cant care for her and he needs her" (presumably to help care for the child etc). I think your sister should take the child to school, as and when she can. Other times anyone else available from the family and friends could do it. Then your sister gets to see the child on a regular basis and can be fully involved in deciding and implementing the "family's care plan" for the child, as opposed to "social service's care plan" for the child, which may well be something entirely different, eg into the care of the Local Authority as a "looked after child" followed by forced adoption!

Paragraphs?

Hi again all - i have taken all advice on board and fed some of it back to my sister

Whatthattheguy- she cant take her to school etc the child is over 50 miles away - she has contact once a week and has done two of them - its so emotionally draining for all involved and im almost sure that by the end of the 6 weeks the family in charge of the child (bio dad,uncle and his g/f) will have dug a very big hole for themselves to get out of - this will be difficult for them as they are compulsive liars (good at it too since they have convinced social workers)

I have looked at the link posted- thank you and when my sister is feeling a bit stronger i will mention it to her.

Thanks again.

Hi ,just an update to let those of you who gave me some fabulous advice that my sister got her "daughter" back ..it will be a long road for her now to adopt her legally but she is back home where she belongs :D thanks all .