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Original poster

If you have 3 children - did you find life with two serenely blissful and easy?

51 replies

bintofbohemia · 08/07/2010 08:34

Or did you find it challenging and do it anyway?

We're talking about it but am a bit scared as life with two children aged nearly 2 and nearly 4 somedays can be...tricky.

But have just stopped breastfeeding and the hormones are kicking in and we've always said we want 3-4. (That has been revised down to 3 in the last couple of years.) Just wondering whether to wait until it gets easier - or is that just masochism, should we just grasp the plaster and rip it off, IYSWIM and get all the sleeplessness out of the way now, rather than stagger it?

Thoughts appreciated because we're dithering...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Adair · 08/07/2010 09:46

Hey, I am pregnant with our third. dd will be 4.9 and just started school. Ds will be 2.5 when baby is born.

Dd was my super-easy one. But I found being pregnant with her and a toddler hard. Tbh being pregnant is hard now with the two of them.

I wouldn't say life is a doddle, but we have certainly settled into it.Just like with dd when we had her, after a year or so, things were 'normal'. Though she was the tricky sleeper, ds is ok.

Dd was and is fantastic with her baby brother though (was 2.3), am preparing that ds might not be quite as considerate etc. Though he does love babies, so maybe.

Hoping having 3 will be alright - too late now .

(PS we had totally decided that 2 was great we didn't need any more. Then I had a pregnancy 'scare' and we were gutted when it wasn't to be. So we figured, oh, so we do want another. And got pregnant first month we were trying - a bit quick! Not much thought, lots of instinct )

ErnestTheBavarian · 08/07/2010 09:49

was not too difficult having 2, having a 3rd, and 4th didn't seem to make much difference but suddenly 'only' having 2 (if 1 at friend's house) feels like luxury

CoinOperatedGirl · 08/07/2010 09:51

I found having 2 very hard for the first year at least, dd was 3.1 when ds1 was born, I also had horrendous pnd. Dd hated her brother for the first year, although he was a great eater and sleeper, it was all very stressfull.

Ds1 was 3 when ds2(8 months) was born and I'm enjoying it so much more. There have been hard bits but it's so much easier without the pnd, dd and ds1 get on much better now ds2 is here and they both love the baby. Obviously I can't understand why I found 2 hard now .

foreverastudent · 08/07/2010 10:05

Mine are 7.10 and 2.6 now and am broody for no.3. I wouldn't want another until youngest is at nursery - I'd want a new baby to have some 1-to-1 time with me and not have to share me 24/7.

cupofcoffee · 08/07/2010 12:03

I have 3 and wouldn't say i found life with 2 'easy'. For me I found the biggest shock to the system was going from 0 to 1 because that was when I had to change my lifestyle the most. Going from 1 to 2 was the easiest because we were already in the habbit of young child/baby type activities. Having 2 I found that I could talk to the older one (aged 3 at the time) to keep him occupied/distracted at times when I had my hands full with the baby.
Going from 2 to 3 I have found a little harder than when I had the 2nd (not as much of a life change as the first though). I think the main difference is that now when i have my hands full dealing with the baby sometimes the older 2 will fight and I then have to interupt whatever I am doing for baby to break up the fight!

Original poster

bintofbohemia · 08/07/2010 14:43

Thanks for all the feedback!

Does anyone feel that their age is a factor in deciding? I'm 34 this year and I feel 94 most days, so I'm thiking sooner rather than later is wise.

DS1 was a great sleeper from 4m but insanely high maintenance and intense during the day.

DS2 is easy going and happy in the day but won't bloody sleep at night.

Surely we're due an easy one?

OP posts:

Original poster

bintofbohemia · 08/07/2010 19:34

coinoperatedgirl - if you found two hard, were you apprehensive about going for a third? And did you manage to avoid PND the third time? Am worried about that - it really was no fun.

OP posts:

cupofcoffee · 09/07/2010 10:33

Age was a part of the consideration for me. I am same age as you and know I have time left but didn't want to leave it too long because you never really know for sure how your future fertility will be. Also I thought that as time went by and dc1 & 2 got older I would be less likely to want to go back to the baby phase.

Fennel · 09/07/2010 10:37

1- easy. dd1 was the easiest baby ever.
2 in 18 month. harder.
3 in 4 years. dd3 was another easy baby but it was hard graft, tiring, the laundry., the mess, the yelling...

now 3 primary age children is a relative doddle, I don't think it's harder than 2 primary age ones.

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 09/07/2010 10:40

I also had three under three. I found going from one to two hardest, although tbh I only had eleven months with just two before the third one came along.

Go for it, the difference is minimal and you do get three times the joy.

Hattie05 · 09/07/2010 10:41

Yes but i think life will becoming serenely blissful and easy again one day when they've grown up a bit.

I had two very contented babies, followed by dd3 who had colic for 3mths and she was such a shock for me i felt like i was on the brink of depression. Now she's 8mths she's a darling but i do still look back at when we just had the two or just the one and think gosh what a peaceful life it was! But i wouldn't have it any other way!

In fact so much so that no. 4 is now on the way! albeit a wonderful suprise but we do look forward to our large family.

MistyB · 10/07/2010 17:30

I wouldn't (and would possibly say couldn't as precreation urge to have number 3 was no less than to have number 1!) have it any other way as I've always wanted three.

Number one was a complete shock to the system.
Number two was hard work but less of a shock.
Number three was a huge shock as I expected it to be easy!?!

15 months in, things are much easier but will always be BUSY!!

A random stranger (a mum of three grown up ones) said, "two seems civilised, three is constant chaos!". and I have to agree. However, I am a chaos type of person and if I had not had a third, I would have started my own business and filled our lives with other chaotic things.

I like chaos!!

MaamRuby · 10/07/2010 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummyrex · 10/07/2010 17:45

my theory is that you can easily cope with one less than the number of children you actually have (how ever many you have - including only one)

domesticsluttery · 10/07/2010 17:48

We have 3 DC, they are 4, 6 and nearly 8.

They were all difficult in their own ways. DS1 was the hardest birth but the best sleeper. DS2 was the easiest birth and the easiest feeder but the worst sleeper. DD was the worst feeder.

Life with one was tricky... life with two was trickier... life with three is downright chaos at times! But I wouldn't change it for the world

vicbar · 10/07/2010 23:31

I found no 3 the easiest in every way. Easy pregnancy, easy feeder easy sleeper but a very determined little girl now.
Im currently 38 wks with no4 and DC1 is 5.10 so Ive had the 1st 3 in under 3 years and I would have had no 4 sooner but life got in the way.
Tbh I am lucky as in they are all very good eaters and sleepers (like mummy) and I think I can cope with anything as long as Im not tired or hungry.
Ive always wanted 4 children and DH didnt need any persuading which I think makes it all a bit easier as we always expected to have 4.

tanmu82 · 11/07/2010 19:38

I am pregnant with number 3 and am so much more relaxed this time around. There's barely 15 months between DS and DD, who are now 7 (in a couple weeks) and 5 1/2. Since they are both at school, capable of doing things like getting dressed, brushing their teeth, playing together and entertaining themselves etc, I feel like this next one (another girl) is going to slot in quite nicely.

They are both looking forward to the new arrival and will be old enough to help out and get involved a bit. Because of the age difference though, baby number 3 is going to have to fit into our schedule - ie, school runs, activities and so on, so I'm hoping this will make for an easier time of it......

DH didn't want a 3rd at first, but changed his mind out of the blue and I wasted no time getting started! A baby is a blessing and if you are considering it, then chances are you're more likely to regret not going for it, than you would another beautiful addition......

smallorange · 11/07/2010 19:48

I found two hard...then it got easier after the first year. Had dd3 and had the hardest year of my life. There is a 2.5 year gap between each of them.

So much depends on the sort of baby you have. Dd3 was a nightmare to BF suffered colic, has not slept through in her first year. She is a volatile character, cheeky and very willful. She is more of a handful than the other two put together.

Friends with three have all had very different experiences, depending on the baby. What remains the same is the unholy amount of housework that goes with it.

(I love DD3 to bits though, wouldn't be without her)

ATinofBiscuits · 11/07/2010 19:52

To reply to original post: Yup 2 is easier.

With two, it was easier regarding arguments discussions on what to do etc. I find that the boy in my three, is an abrasive so and so unless he gets his own way (which he rarely does)

Everything is so much cheaper the world is geared up for 2 adults and 2 children.

Jemz · 20/07/2010 20:46

i have a 4.2 girl who was like an angel, so we had a boy, now 2.9 who is more challenging (only recently started talking a bit, quite angry, goes through stages of sleepless nights and allergic to cows milk products). but i have this aching broodiness inside for a 3rd. my husband is 42 (im a fair bit younger) adn if we do have a 3rd i want it to be soonish so they dont have a grandad for a dad (i dont have anything against other ppl doing this but is not for us). think he may need a little convincing, but dont want to always be thinking 'what if'. and no.1 would be at school and no.2 would be at nursery a couple of times a week (time to catch up on sleep and shopping)
but....what about when they all want to go on school trips abroad at the same time when they're bigger, just getting them out the house in the morning when they're little....
but then again, theres that feeling inside!!

archstanton · 20/07/2010 21:18

For me, going from 1 to 2 was the hardest. Going from 2 to 3 was less of a shock as DD2 just slotted in.
Jemz, in my NCT group the youngest mum was 37 and 2 of them are 42. One was a first time mum at 41 and has had 2 back to back.

Poledra · 20/07/2010 21:27

For me, 0 to 1 was the hardest. I have 3 girls, 6.5, 4.5 and just 2. DD3 was a happy little baby, and DD1 (even at 4.5) was so desperate to be helpful that it was easier than having 2 (someone to run and fetch more wipes/clean clothes/new nappy while you hold little feet up out of the poo explosion!).

We co-slept with DD3 from the start, which made life simpler as I was able to latch her on without waking up really, then go back to sleep while she filled her tummy. She has been the most difficult to get to sleep through the night, probably as she resented being turfed out of our bed! Things have improved lately as she has moved out of the cot and into a double bed with DD2, so we usually find them curled up together like puppies (even in this hot sticky weather, yeuch).

As far as your age goes, well, I had DD1 at 33, so you're just a stripling really

NellyTheElephant · 24/07/2010 14:39

I found the transition from 2 to 3 surprisingly and unexpectedly hard. I have exactly 2 yr age gaps between each of mine.

DD1 was definitely the biggest shock to the system.

DD2 was hard work of course, but it all went pretty smoothly, I had been so worried about how hard it was going to be having two and in the event it was all pretty straightforward initially. I started to find it REALLY hard going when DD2 was around 15 months and the girls seemed to be fighting non stop. Then I got pregnant with DS and found the pregnancy combined with coping with DDs utterly exhausting in a way i hadn't experienced with previous pregnancies.

Initially I found having 3 was overwhelmingly hard.

I do think age gaps have a lot to do with it. E.g. when I had DD2, DD1 was still having long daytime naps, so if I got DD2 down too I had a chance to catch up on some sleep or just have a bit of a break. When DS arrived neither DD1 nor DD2 had daytime naps so it was relentless. Also neither of them were at school (although DD1 did go to nursery some mornings) so I had all 3 at home driving me insane!! With a slightly larger gap so that the older ones are at school / nursery i think it would have been a bit easier.

It was just the beginning bit that was so hard for me though. By 6 months we were on a roll and never looked back. I LOVE having 3 and so do they. There's no way I could do it again though. DH and I had always thought we'd have 4.... but we've revised our plans and are sticking to 3!!

naturalbaby · 30/07/2010 20:10

i'm joining the 3 under 3 club and ds2 has only just started sleeping through at 11months. he was such an easy baby for the first few months so am hoping to get the same deal next time round.
forget the supermarket, at least with 2 they're sitting in a trolley and can't run off anywhere - i'm not chasing after a toddler with 2 babies in a full trolley! just got to work out where to put them in a tiny 2 bed house?!?

sunnydelight · 03/08/2010 09:34

I LOVE having three, but it was really easy going from 2-3 because there is pretty much a 5 year gap between all of mine. For me that was the only way it would work - I don't think I would even have coped very well with two if they had been close in age - I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to small kids though

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