How do I continue to work with 4 dc's? What do others do? Sorry long post

[accessorizequeen]

I just wondered what other people's solutions were as most of the people I know are teachers etc/have only 1 or 2 children so seem to manage ok.

I am returning to work 2 days a week shortly after having my dt's. My dc's are 6, 3 and 15 months. Having worked out my leave entitlement etc, I will have just enough holiday to cover all school hols for this year with 4 weeks of that unpaid parental leave. But once the dt's are 5 I won't get any unpaid leave and if anyone gets sick other than me I'm stuck. Not to mention I was hoping we could have a holiday outside term time so we could afford one! With nursery costs & cm to pick up ds1 after school I'll get about £300 a month so it is worth it as we're trying to save for a new house. Although money-wise dp earns so much that this is a drop in the ocean and I don't have to work for the money really.

I do have a very helpful mum but she works p/t and already has my 3yo one day a week. She'll take my 6yo as well during holidays. DP's mum will take the older 2 for a few days at a time (has just done over christmas) but lives an hour away. But both are 60+ and finding it more and more tiring to look after my active children. If I paid for holidays clubs for ds1, it's £20 a day!

In the long term I have to either give up work entirely or find something term time. I don't want to be a teacher (tried it already) or a teacher's assistant/secretary etc as the job I have is much more interesting. Am I just not facing facts here, I'm finding it hard to give up idea of a career because I was hoping to do masters in librarianship long-term and still want to do something outside of kids. Never intended to have 4 children and feeling hampered/frustrated/resentful to a point about the limitations this places on me. Am currently on ADs as not coping with any of it really. I think I am v.lucky in many respects but really struggling with my place in the world & esp managing with 4 such young children. It does not come naturally!

any insight would be really helpful as I just think if working 2 days a week is not easily manageable then how on earth do I ever get a proper job again?

I work (when not on maternity leave) but I am a nurse and mainly do "out of hours work", ie, weekends, evenings and nights PT and DH works FT office hours so DH and I do childcare between us.

Our DCs are 1, 2 and 3 and DC4 due Feb. It would not pay us to put them in childcare and we do not have any family help.

Maybe a job with these hours would suit or a job where you could work "on bank"eg as an axilary nurse so you could work as and when available.

Well I know a FT academic who has 4 children. The oldest is a teenager and the youngest is 2yrs old. However her 4th was a "surprise" so she has a 6-7 year gap between dc3 and dc4. Also her dh works 2.5 days a week (and has done for about 14 years) so he does the majority of the childcare during the week. She does the school pick-up once a week as she has over the years made sure that she doesn't work in the office on one afternoon a week.

They use a nursery 2.5 days a week for the baby and afterschool clubs 2 day a week

She is a professor and I would say she is VERY involved with her children. I think it is very hard to do with both people working FT though

Thanks again all, this has prompted a really interesting list of what people do! I still don't have a clear idea of what I should do, I'm only thinking of my own business because it seems a good option. Much rather work for someone else as it's what I've known my whole life & I'm not a risk taker. Nor do I have much confidence, working for an organisation gives me some reassurance at least.
I have thought about the health-related professions but I've just never wanted to work in any of them, except for a brief dabble in psychology at university. I am not suited to nursing or being any kind of physical therapy. What I know about is information and technology, I've worked in that area for nearly 15 years. Have no idea what to retrain as but fairly clear that I don't want to sit on my own at home for several hours a day on a computer which rules a lot of things out.

So much of this lark seems to depends on incidentals - how old your children are, what your OH does, whether your mum is around/helpful etc. I live in a place where there aren't many great jobs full stop so even if I retrained as a librarian I doubt there will be many jobs esp ones that aren't full time (or not in term time anyway).

I keep thinking about it and it's so valuable to get others' input I don't feel so hopeless about it anymore but appreciate that I may have to accept that I'm not going to get a career again if I want my kids to be happy. 2 of them have problems that I already feel guilty about going back to work 2 days (6yo soils daily, 3yo has speech problems and possibly behind in other ways).

You need to see you working as of benefit to the whole family and not just in financial terms. Happy mum equals happy wife and happy family. Also u need to just approach it with a 'we will muddle thru somehow' attitude. U have to reset your expectations and standards with a big family anyway. Nothing is ever simple or straightforward with so many people in the mix

I have five and have always worked. No family support locally either Two days is doable. Holidays are a nightmare but with us both taking bits of leave,the odd visit from a GP, a bit of paid care you muddle through

If working is important to your sense of self worth don't be defeated. It does get easier.

thanks handmedownqueen, I think i was starting to think well it's not going to work (am a bit of a perfectionist) so throw in the towel but have realised lately that being SAHM just does not suit me esp with two demanding babies + preschooler! This is the longest I've had off for maternity leave (20 months) and feel lost without another focus. Will have to try and deal with 'muddling through', not a thing that comes easy I must say...