Are 4 kids really easier than 3?

[LewishamMumNow]

I have read and heard in several places that having 3 kids is the "most" stressful, and those with four (or more) are more chilled. I struggle to understand why, unless it's because you "give up" a bit. I've 3 very young children (all singletons and under 3 1/2), and I'm undecided on having a 4th. I'm not looking for views on my personal situation, but just genuinely don't understand how another one would be less stress! It's another one that needs their hair washing, their favourite story read, their water bottle filled, their nappy changed, etc. How is that easier? Okay, these things don't last for ever, but the major reason I'm concerned about a fourth is how much it would cost as they got older. Relatively simple treats like pizza takeaways or cinema trips will be a fortune with paying for 3 , let alone 4, "big" kids, and of course basics such as school shoes and food will cost so much. And then there's holidays, university fees (hopefully), driving lessons.....How can 4 be less stress than 3????? I really would welcome views on this.

I think my mum probably found 4 easier than 3. BUT.. my mum had 3 under 3 then a four year gap. I was the oldest and I LOVED the baby. I would feed the baby, play with the baby, read to the baby as I’d just learned to read, help put the baby to sleep. My mum also worked 15 hours a week.

My lovely friend is a wonderful mum and also has four kids 7 and under. She doesn’t work.

I personally have two and three would put me to my limit. I also work full time and always worked full time even when I lived with their dad, as I was the main earner. I couldn’t imagine having 4 kids myself unless I could afford help at home/a stay at home dad.

I have 4 and my first 2 were girls then big age gap 10+ years and had 2 boys. I would never have 4 close together. Still was hard having 2 teenagers and 2 toddler's but now all older it's not too bad and luckily they all get on. My friend had 3 girls and wanted a 4th and ended up with twin girls, her hubby had snip after 4/5

I imagine there comes a point where having more kids doesn’t create extra work but I imagine that’s like 10 kids then what another 1 to make it 11 kinda thing…

I can’t imagine 4 being easier than 3 though.

I have four kids.

Three would be less stressful and less expensive.

I have 4. 3 was much, much easier.

I have 4 and wouldn't say it was any easier or harder than 3. I do say 4 is far easier than 1 though, having an only child for 5years was very tough!
I have big age gaps though so that probably makes a difference (20, 15, 12 and 8).

I can't believe 4 is easier than one.

Splitting your attention 4 ways? Everything costing 4 times as much. Ferrying to 4 different clubs or on different timetables. I could go on.

I know people will come back with but they have others to play with but that doesn't always happen and i can't imagine that weighs out all the rest of things.

We have 4 and found 3-4 our easiest jump! I'm a SAHM if that makes a difference

Happy to answer any questions around having 4 @LewishamMumNow 🙂

I have four too. My 4th was and is very much loved, but there is something about the 4th that takes you from individuals to group. All of the big families say having 4 is the same as having 10. Sue Radford said having 16 was easier than 3 🤔. I'm not against big families at all, I would have loved eight more but my DH said no way. I'm so glad now we didn't have more, it's so easy to have/keep them when they are young but it really hits you when they are above 10ish. They really need your time to navigate emotions, GCSE's, relationships, not to mention money for basics like food and school uniform. Shoes alone can be £60+ each. It's been very expensive, and mine are not wanters. 2 are in university now and that is crippling.
I follow a lot of the large families on social media and they all say it gets easier the more you have. That makes me cross now, because it's easier for them as parents because the dc look after each other (because they know mum and dad don't have time) but it puts more work on the dc and they get less and less resources/space.
Travelling with 4 dc (especially when they are teens) is very expensive. Most places are geared towards a maximum of 3dc, and the 6th person has to sleep on a sofa bed usually. Fine when they are young kids, but not fun as a 15 year old.

And for the poster who had 4 under 6 in childcare, you must be an extremely high earner to have been able to afford that!

I have heard this a lot and it gets me down as makes me feel bad for struggling, 4 has pretty much broken me but I’m a lone parent so different to most but no 4 has been way way harder than 3 like harder than I could ever explain!

My slightly ridiculous reason for having 3 children max (I've only got 2 currently) would be having to change to a 7 seater car! It also limits you when going on holiday etc.

My sister use to say 4 was easier than 1 as they can “play together” when in reality that is a very small part of it. If I had one I would be basically getting my life and independence back by now but instead have to spread myself 4 ways, 2 different school runs each day, I don’t know how people honestly think it’s easier 😂

Following with interest because I have never understood the logic given it is a whole extra child.

They probably mean the transition from 3 to 4 is easier than the transition from 2 to 3. And yes, lower standards tbh

It wasn't me who said that, but I had a nanny when we had 4 under 7...was the most cost effective solution.

I had 4, 17 months between first 2 (boy and girl) then over 3 years till another boy, was going to stop there but decided to have a 4th (boy) and felt 4 was no more difficult. We wanted to get 7 seater car as 3 in the back with car seats/boosters was too cramped. On holidays we already needed at least 3 bedrooms, dd usually opted to share with middle brother. I was a sahm till youngest started school, then became a teaching assistant using my salary to pay for school trips/holidays etc. I think it helped that both dh and I were pretty laid back parents and they got on well together, most of the time.

Honestly I think different people/families can cope with different amounts of children. We have 5 dc, most of my friends only have 1 or 2 children and they can’t believe that I can somehow manage with 5 without my hair falling out.

We still go abroad, and enjoy life but yes it is expensive. I also don’t think 4 was easier than 3 it’s just different. One plus about 3 is that you can drive a reguslt car but I wouldn’t change have dc 4 or 5 for the ease

I have 4 children and I don’t have a 7 seater (DH does). I have a Renault Captur and they all fit. I just can’t take any other passengers

I'll go against the grain here and say that, expense aside, there's not a huge amount of difference between 3 and 4. I guess it partly depends on age gaps etc. I have 4 boys though - maybe it'd be different if there was a mix. Hard to tell! I'm knackered, but very lucky to have them.

I agree with @AppropriateAdult .

I have 4, andit's definitely harder than 3. How could it not be??? But I think there are quite a few people who have a 3rd while still being focussed on career etc. That's obviously tough. I reckon people mostly only add a 4th if get are either happy to be totally family focussed at times or have rock-solid support (we have a part time nanny and local family support, for instance). If I hadbeen stressed with 3 I wouldn't have considered a 4th.

(Oh, and yes, I am stressed now! DTwins causing mayhem.....)