Wanting a 4th but unsure if it'll work financially

[fizzyblush]

Hi guys
I currently have 3 babies 9 yo, 6 yo, 7 month old
I work in a school as a learning assistant and am entering the 'unpaid ' part of maternity . My partner earns about £3200 a month take home. We rent and it's £1200 a month. My take home isn't much at all at £1100 a month . I still am undecided about going back as it'll
Cost a lot to put our youngest in childcare.

Thing is I sort of feel like I want another baby ? But closer in age to our 3rd as I feel like the gap between the older two and the baby is quite big. My oh is logical saying he's already stretched financially which I completely get . We sort of live month to month . Would a 4th make a huge difference financially? I defo would stop at 4 I hope ! Bearing in mind I probably won't be able to go back to my job anyway as childcare will be about the same as I earn! Am I being really irresponsible ...

I am from a big family, it was fun but totally lacking in good quality time with individual parents.

Completely get what everyone has said . X

You say you’re already living month to month. Having another child will make that situation even worse.

In my experience not really a huge impact if you are giving up work anyway.

I became a sahm after maternity ended with our 2nd as I was pregnant with 3rd. Our 4/5th were unplanned but financially the biggest impact was having to buy a new car. Had our 6th in August and very little has changed financially. Lots of stuff we have used for multiple children, holidays are hard to plan due to dh's job so we got a dog instead.

If you want to make it work, you can. If he is adamant that he doesn't want to go for it then probably best to go with that though, I think you both need to be onboard with it if you are going to have another.

We earn more and wouldn't dream of a 4th. You need to think about the children you have rather than the non-existent ones.

I feel guilty about having three because of the environmental impact of extra people on the planet.
Ideally I would have loved five, could easily afford five and have a big enough house for them all, but know it wouldn't be right regardless of how much recycling I do.

I agree about the finance side of things. I'm not saying we are broke, we make it work but things are tight ish on one wage which isn't minimum but isn't up there with the big £££ salaries .

I have a teaching degree but haven't used it as of yet due to passing when I was 21 and having my 1st son when I was 22 ( life got pretty busy and I couldn't even imagine doing my nqt with a newborn ). Since then, I've had three children and one still born angel baby too. I've carried on working in schools but on a less demanding scale doing TA work etc .

I suppose once all children are at school I will look into completing my NQT year finally ... then I will be able to add a teaching salary to our household income . But until then I feel like staying off with them is more beneficial than paying childcare and running around like a headless chicken with school runs etc and nursery . For the sake of about 100 pounds profit from my TA wage .

I guess what I mean is it's probably now or never to add a 4th and final baby to the family . And I guess it's about pros and cons .
The whole bad for the environment thing I personally think is a silly comment , having 4 children won't make an impact to the environment negatively .

Not in a million years would I have another if I were you.

If it's now or never and your both in agreement then that's your answer. It does get easier financially as they get older but that's coming from someone with equity who has seen big increases in property value. I think you need to get out of private renting in the longer term.

sorry, but in your financial situation having 4th child would be irresponsible.

I'm not against having a 4th, we have 7.
But DH is a high earner so we can afford it - and still it's eye-wateringly expensive because they do need more stuff as they grow up.
Until you had to feed ever-hungry teenage boys who are tall, strong and burn calories like an Australian bushfire (partially because of working out) you just don't realise how costly that all can be!
Our monthly Tesco bill is over £1200 and it doesn't always cover parties, birthday meals, extra treats and takeaways (although it does cover more than food tbh). The youngest 4 have packed lunches at school, youngest is in y3 so no more free lunches.

I hate to say it but think it's best to stick to what you have.

And I really must add that if you decide to go for a 4th you could end up with twins or triplets....

Would you need to change cars too?

Secondary school age upwards is so expensive and emotionally they demand more. Do they do activities:hobbies? Do you want to be able to afford that comfortably?

What if you can't hack teaching full time and that well paid job never happens? Will your DH step up and do 50% of everything so you can work more hours?

Sorry but I do agree with other posters.

I understand how emotional it can be and how hard it is, longing for a child.

But you already have three, and you are living month-to-month financially. Think about your children's futures. Even when they get into adulthood, they will probably continue to need financial support - moving into their first place, going to uni - most parents will help if they can. It sounds like three will already be a struggle for you. Any inheritance you leave will be split four ways instead of three.

That's thinking very long term but you have to. You are bringing people into the world who will (hopefully) be functioning adults in the future - they won't be cute children forever. You have to think about their whole lives.

So I think it's a little irresponsible and unfair on the children you already have if you know you can't afford it. You'll be making them split what they already have four ways rather than three.

You have been blessed to have 3 healthy children. Concentrate on giving them the happiest life you can.

I would have stopped at 2 to be honest so yeah I think a fourth would be a stupid idea

I would have another baby

Because you know what you can't have other people dictate your family size to you

Just thinking about space in a rental property
How old are you now? you could start teaching as a teacher not TA and then have two more children close in age if you want a large family

I'm pregnant with my third and very thrilled

A gp told me the other day to have an abortion for any subsequent pregnancies which I found highly offensive

Don't worry about the environmental warriors there are heaps of couples not having babies at all in other countries like Italy

You'll never have enough time money or space so have a baby anyway

We own a house and an apartment have a lovely car etc etc and still feel like we don't have space or time for another baby but I'm pregnant and I'm thrilled

Go for it

Both DH and I separately suffered significant unpredictable ill health after our DC were born and at a young age. Fortunately we already had a mortgaged home etc but relying on the future of both working full time is a risk.

If I have to give up work because I don't recover then financially it's going to be awful back to tight food budgets in the supermarket and the DC having to increase their board contribution

Sure you can never predict the future but personally I would I hate the insecurity of renting plus affording a decent sized 3-4 bed house and the issues of who shares with who as they get older. 3 sharing when they were little was easy peasy and lovely. Fortunately we were able to move and they no longer had to share.

You'll never have enough time, money or space so have a baby anyway

I can't decide which cognitive bias or fallacy you are using here but that is spectacularly bad advice.

Out of interest, how much do you think a combined income would have to be to comfortably manage 3 children when mortgage payments are £1300? Not planning on privately educating. We're in London. Just interested in people's experiences. Thanks.

@Heepers

Out of interest, how much do you think a combined income would have to be to comfortably manage 3 children when mortgage payments are £1300? Not planning on privately educating. We're in London. Just interested in people's experiences. Thanks.

It's all individual isnt it? Mortgages tend go down over time. Ours was maybe £700-£900 when DC was 1 years old. Its £350 now he is 17. Lending criteria and everything has changed. We was on around 4k a month back then and it wasnt tight to cover at all. Getting the mortgage deposit was the crippling part even back then.

It's more about what the bank think is affordable. I could pay a 1300 mortgage on 3000 take home with 4 kids easily but I'm not sure if the bank would agree. luckily I only had 2 DC when we bought. We wouldnt be eligible now

Thanks @incessantnamechanger. I know it's a bit of a pointless question but I worry about money and whether we could reasonably afford a third.

Thanks for your thoughts.

We own a house and an apartment have a lovely car etc etc and still feel like we don't have space or time for another baby but I'm pregnant and I'm thrilled

Er, the OP doesn't own two houses, lovely car blah blah.

Don't do it. 3 is quite enough, esp in your circumstances OP.

I'm going against the majority here.

You already have 3 of your own and you also work at a school, I am guessing you are kind and patient Mum and love children. You already know what to expect. I assume raising children comes naturally to you and you don't struggle like some Mums?

3 can be awkward. There is often a better dynamic with 4, especially if there is a large gap.

How important are nice cars and holidays to you? Holidays and cars for larger families become very expensive, are you prepared to go without?

You sound like you have a lot of love to give , there is nothing wrong with a house full of love and children, why not go for it.

The whole bad for the environment thing I personally think is a silly comment , having 4 children won't make an impact to the environment negatively

Surely nobody is so stupid to believe adding another person to the population will make no negative difference. Its estimated that that a child born into the developed world leaves a 58.6 metric tonne carbon footprint annually. Even if that's wrong by 100% it's still a huge carbon footprint. You might dismiss environmental concerns because you don't care or your drive to have another child might be so strong its overwhelming any concerns (no criticism, it did with me) but to pretend it won't make a difference is nonsense.

The UK birth rate is falling, not surprising really. I wouldn’t let people make you feel guilty for having children when we are well below replacement level in this country. I have four and it is great but hard work. However if your husband isn’t keen I wouldn’t do it.