How do you afford it?

[Mommabear20]

DH and I have 2 kids and now DH is insisting we're done having kids as he doesn't want to be stretched financially. I understand where he's coming from and agree that we shouldn't have more kids than we can comfortably afford, but I'd love a large family. I would ideally like 5 kids, so my question is, if you have 5+ kids, what is your (rough) monthly income? And do you feel like your financially stretched, comfortable or more than comfortable? Thanks 😊

Well, we’ve only got 3 and that was stretched enough-especially now it’s come to the costs of university! We earn about £75k between us.

What is your household income now?

We have five, household income is circa £68K or 4K per month post deductions.

we live in an inherited property in the north which keeps the costs down somewhat.
we run an 11 reg mpv and have the use of a company car too.

children are spaced out so that there will never be two at uni at the same time.
we have no childcare costs due to extended family nearby.

Rarely do we feel financially stretched, we arent exactly frugal either.

Everyone I know who has a large family has help.

Either paid help because they are rich enough from two well paid careers ( probably plus family help ).

Or family help, when a female relative/s gives up her own career / interests to help out.

Or they are on benefits and the kids don’t have a lot.

I’m sure it’s technically possible for dads or male relatives to help out. It’s just that it never seems to happen.

IME it’s always very risky for the woman as she will probably have to give up work and therefore will be trapped if the marriage / relationship is unhappy.

Thank you for your responses, sounds like we could just manage it but it would be a stretch. Maybe he's right, and we should stop at 2. 😢

We’ve got 3, a joint income of approx £60k and we’re stretched enough

But we don’t have family help and pay for childcare for all 3 on the form of nursery / wrap around

2 for us, 54k income. We'll probably have one more.

Depends on your outgoings and where you live op.

@Mommabear20

Thank you for your responses, sounds like we could just manage it but it would be a stretch. Maybe he's right, and we should stop at 2. 😢

There’s a lot of options between 2 and 5!

What’s your household income now? House size?

We have 4 (will be 5 in about 8 weeks). We earn about £85k before tax when I’m not on mat leave. We live in Scotland and have quite a lot of family support though so don’t use paid childcare.

It's all relative though. So I don't think this will help. I've read countless threads on here where a couple is struggling with two kids and a £100k+ income. And people with 5kids fine on £30k. How much is your mortgage? Would you need to move to accommodate? Does your current lifestyle involve lots of holidays abroad? What would be your childcare situation? Why is it 2 or 5?

More than 2 is always going to be awkward. Everything is geared towards 2 kids, holiday deals, ablility to get enough car seats in a car, going on rides at a theme park, standard 3 bed houses, etc

Having 3 or more (we have 3) means
Being more conscious about what car you buy so it fits everyone in safely
Having less choice of houses as you ideally want 4 bed and unless you are loaded 3 beds are more averagely prices and abundant
Having to take turns to go on rides as you can’t leave one child on thier own,
3 sets of uniform, it’s not always possibly to hand down due to different genders, wear and tear and (like current school) they change the uniform!
Days out and holidays cost a bomb, can’t get a cheap travelodge room as only allowed 4 in a room, cheap holiday deals always house 4 people in a room/apartment so you have to do your own holiday and often more expensive.
3 sets of school dinners and school trips, 3 lots of activities and birthday parties and Christmas presents etc etc
It soon all adds up.

If you think it would be a stretch to add a third now then dont - the costs really rocket in the teen years.

We stuck at 2 (I wanted 3 or 4) and now they are teens I realise dh was right, we wouldnt have been able to afford it (sadly we were too old when we started to space them out over 20 years which would have been another way).

I think you can be more frugal without feeling like you're missing out on life though... Aside from the obvious house/car/child care situations. If they can be overcome, then there are options -

Spacing children out definitely helps with costs - age of needing childcare, clubs, socialising, driving lessons etc.

How you holiday - would you be happy piling in the car and driving to France and renting a big house? Or do you have your hearts set on two weeks AI in Gran Canaria every single year?

When you have weekends and days out, do you HAVE to go out for lunch, cakes, coffee, ice creams etc, or could you pop to the bakery for a cake and the Co op for a multi pack of ice creams?

Once you've bought the cot/baby furniture/jumperoo/pushchair etc, you can keep them and use them again for the next baby. Clothes can sometimes be saved and passed down, particularly baby clothes when they're growing so fast.

When you cook and shop, do you plan meals, do you have to have an entire chicken breast each, or could you chop less up and bulk it out with vegetables etc. Can you all have packed lunches instead of cafeteria/school meals? Do you meal plan to reduce waste?

All this things and loads more, soon adds up. Children are expensive, but every day life doesn't have to be if you change the way you think. We have four children and happily live like this, whilst still affording a nice life (to us - I don't wear Ralph Lauren admittedly), but the children don't go without, they get residential school trips, after school clubs, Clarks shoes, nice clothes and a holiday. And they have a selection of live in play mates to enjoy every single day.

I'm one of five. Unless you have endless resource and are a full time SAHM whose financial situation is so secure that you will never work, or want for anything, and can afford all the domestic help you will need, don't do it.

Growing up in a household of five children, there was never enough space, love, attention, time, money, peace, other resources.

I has no privacy until I left home at 18
One bathroom/loo between 7
Endless fighting, resentment, bitterness, competition for everything.
Guests were not practical or welcome.
It was horrible

Space the kids out. I was one of three and my mom always preferred to grow her own fruits and veg in order to save on our monthly food shopping bills. Also she used to print off discount vouchers for tourist attractions in this country too.

In terms of things like stationery stuff, she liked to buy that cheaply from a local bookshop or online at Christmas time. We shared rooms to cut down on heating bills during the winter months in addition.

Books were always either ordered online or came from a library close by on top of that.

Do you work OP/would you continue to work or would the responsibility to support the family financially fall on your husband alone?

We have 6 kids (15 - 8wk) and a dog, our icome is below £50k. Dh is military and works away, I'm a sahm. House is overcrowded atm but once dh retires from his job we will get a bigger house as there's no point stretching finances when we can manage, my dad was the eldest of 9 and they lived in a little back to back. Only the teen is bothered about having to share a room. We did give up the option of holidays to get our dog but then dh's job makes booking things difficult anyway, we do day trips still. We bulk buy and try not to outsource jobs (eg dh repairs the cars, I cut hair and many more). Bulk buying, bargain hunting, lots of equipment/clothing can be reused by younger. Take care of things so they last too, our sofa is older than our eldest child lol. Always try to save some money each month and have a financial cushion.

I think the emotional labour of having multiple children shouldn’t be ignored. How are you at listening to someone about friendship issues while cooking dinner & testing someone else on their tables & potty training a toddler?

My life feels like it revolves around the washing machine cycles too. If you don't like laundry then lots of kids is not for you.

@IS0D0RA

Everyone I know who has a large family has help.

Either paid help because they are rich enough from two well paid careers ( probably plus family help ).

Or family help, when a female relative/s gives up her own career / interests to help out.

Or they are on benefits and the kids don’t have a lot.

I’m sure it’s technically possible for dads or male relatives to help out. It’s just that it never seems to happen.

IME it’s always very risky for the woman as she will probably have to give up work and therefore will be trapped if the marriage / relationship is unhappy.

I agree to this post. I have 4 children, no family nearly, no help from anyone and husband works abroad so everything just became to hard and I have to give up work for 7 years and look after my children while my husband worked and we are lucky enough his income is higher enough to pay for everything! I just went back to work 3months ago and I can only do night shift because my youngest is 7years and I can’t afford childcare before school and after school and things are now more expensive and that’s the joy of having large family and my oldest is off to university next year and more cost.

Thank you all for your responses, definitely a lot to consider!

I know a family with 9 children in my village. They are all close in age, but they had 5 close together, five year gap, then had last four in quick succession 😬 Last 4 children are 5yo 4yo, 2yo and newborn. The older ones are 16, 13, 12, 11 and 10. Each to their own.

I have four and know that's my limit.

NC as definitely outing.

We have 5 DCs with an income of approx £45k. We have struggled lots but it's easier now they are older and I can work more hours. I think our totally unplanned strategy was to spread them out a bit, there is 14 years between the eldest and the youngest. Haven't needed a babysitter for years 😂

We've never claimed benefits and only used nursery/pre-school when they got their government funding. I was lucky that my mum could occasionally help out, but when the eldest were little, I worked evenings and weekends and we just lived a very basic life!

Occasionally have WTF moments, but they are all gorgeous humans who do seem to genuinely love each other, so wouldn't have it any other way ❤️

You have to do what's best for you. We never really worried if we could afford it, if we were poor one month then no treats were had! We both have a good work ethic and have been really lucky to have never been unemployed. My DH would do almost anything to ensure there is always food on the table and bills to pay.

Good luck with your decision

I have 4, I always thought I would have 6 but actually I think 4 for me is the limit.
I have no help with them at all, I don't have any babysitters or anything.
I work around their school days and my DH brings in the main income.

I want to be able to spread myself out enough time wise with them so they all feel loved and I can keep on top of everything they need/want and be able to be emotionally available for all of them.

There is alot to keep on top of, the washing is crazy the amount of cleaning and clearing up is alot.
They are expensive, we have a decent income and a large house, the shopping bill is ridiculous let alone clothing, clubs, days out, holidays etc...

That being said I absolutely love being their Mum and they mean everything to me.

I think it also depends what you want for your kids, so I don’t want to have no treats and for my teen to have to share a room, so I only have two. Neither of those things are wrong or bad, but I knew what I wanted to provide for my dc. It’s very much a case of knowing what you want and being realistic about the money you have.