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Original poster

Has anyone had a 'mothers help'?

26 replies

Stuckforthefourthtime · 24/12/2018 08:41

Have any of you had a mother's help or other carer come for an afternoon or two during the week? If so, what did they do and was it worth it?

I have 4 small DCs including a newborn. Between school runs for our older 2 and then being home all day with the younger 2, I struggle to keep the house in a good state and also to give enough individual attention.
DH used to work from home and help a lot, but has just started a new job and is away 7-7 during the week, most of our family has moved overseas, and my mum who used to be around a lot now needs care herself.
I have a dream of a nice older lady - or maybe a teenager full of energy - who could come around and play Duplo with the younger ones while listen to the DS1 reading, or help with the endless washing, or stir a pot if the baby needs a feed k in the middle of dinner prep etc
Is this a thing? Or any other advice appreciated!

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Original poster

Stuckforthefourthtime · 24/12/2018 08:42

All the typos clearly a sign I need a hand!

OP posts:

BirthdayKake · 24/12/2018 08:46

It definitely isn't a thing where I live (arse end of Lincolnshire), BUT, I'd had my house decorated by a female decorater by pregnant with number four. She had five teenage/grown up kids and was lovely. We started chatting loads and as she used to be a cleaner she agreed to work as a "mother's help". I was in exactly the same situation as you - four children including a newborn and a husband who worked long hours or away.

She came over 4-6 twice a week and it was invaluable!

I'm expecting #5 in the summer. I've moved and lost touch with my friend, but I don't have a useless husband this time either so hoping it somehow works out!!

BirthdayKake · 24/12/2018 08:47

Ugh, also apologise for the typos!

Phillipa12 · 24/12/2018 09:07

I used to be a nanny/mothers help. Admittidly i did work 4 days a week, mum went to work part time so was around half the time as eldest had special needs. We worked incredibly well of each other, if a job needed doing it was done and it didnt matter who did it, what my boss wanted was help with the children and help running a busy household. Im now a mum with 3 boys and if i could afford a mothers help i would certainly have one.

mynaughtylittlesister · 24/12/2018 09:14

What about looking into something like Homestart? A volunteer would come and visit and help support you and your family. Admittedly they are not cleaners etc.... but will help out practically. I had one when my children were much younger. 18 years later and we are still friends now.

CherryPavlova · 24/12/2018 09:16

I had one when we were in Suffolk. She was an absolute treasure.
She cleaned, did laundry, tidied up, kept an eye on the children, did errands everything really. She looked after the older children when I was in labour and brought them to the hospital to meet their sibling. She help with cooking, supervised tradesmen, listened to reading, took them for walks or to the park. Just everything really and the children adored her and her older teenage children.
We remain friends still. She worked a contracted 12 hours and then additional hours by mutual agreement.

Fannyfanakerpants · 24/12/2018 09:21

They definetly exsist. I remember my mum having them occasionally when we were little. You could contact an agency and do it properly, but you'd probably get lucky with an advert on fb/newsagent windows etc if you want someone local who just wants a few extra hours work.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 24/12/2018 09:26

Of course it exists, write an add and put it about, check people that apply have DBS certificates and public liability insurance though. I'd take this job, it's not a huge stretch for the community care I currently do self employed. If it would help you then go for it!

PoshPenny · 24/12/2018 10:03

I'd go for it! I have 13 months between my 2 and when they were babies, I had my own business and worked from home, it was very tough going that first year with both of them (the younger one was not an easy baby). DH not around very much. Very limited to the point of not worth having family support no not bitter at all. I saw an advert at the baby clinic looking for a family placement for a student nanny and through my fog of exhaustion realised it could be a lifeline, so I applied and this wonderful young girl started to come every other week to do anything and everything baby and toddler related. Frankly, she saved us. I don't come from a background where you pay someone to help with your kids so it was all new to me, but I'd recommend it to anyone now. Especially for that teatime bath and bed daily marathon which I always found the hardest part of the day.

Original poster

Stuckforthefourthtime · 25/12/2018 08:56

Like lots of you I don't come from a background where this is normal - but in our culture most people have grandparents living with you, aunties and uncles everywhere and always a spare pair of hands (and also someone to tell you that you're doing it wrong, but swings and roundabouts I guess!)

Do you think I could find someone on childcare.co.uk or will they not want to do wider household jobs? Or if not, where would I look for people with a dbs?

Thank you and merry Christmas!!

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Amaaboutthis · 25/12/2018 08:59

Totally a thing and very common here. People use it for exactly what you describe or with older children who need someone around the house after school if they are at work but don’t need a nanny.

Advertise on Gumtree, childcare.co.uk and even in the local newsagents

WontShareMyAuPair · 25/12/2018 09:02

You could look on childcareco.uk or approach a local college and ask if any of their childcare students would like a job (good experience on their CV, earns some money too) , or even just ask around town to see if anyone knows someone who would like the job.

Ifailed · 25/12/2018 09:08

presumably this person is also helping the father - nothing mentioned on here is beyond the ability of a man?

Tempjob · 25/12/2018 09:09

You could get a nanny for perhaps a day a week but it may be easier and cheaper to look into other options. How about a cleaner for two hours, twice a week? Or how about using a Childminder eg for the two younger children all day, which will give you some time with the older children after school.

I've used all of the above, but what was the easiest and most beneficial was when we got a nanny to come all day on Saturdays to look after the children. Me and hubby got a lie in and went out for lunch and then had a snooze... Luxury.

HellsBellsAndBatteredBananas · 25/12/2018 09:22

I would honestly suggest putting an advert on FB or local sites and ask for a college student that is doing childcare. They will be DBS checked, have hands on experience caring for kids in a college creche and are desperate for more experience and references. I had a lovely young lady that used to come around to mine for a few hours twice a week. For one 2-3 hour period on Saturday she would tidy the kids bedrooms and put away their clothes, then take them to the park and the other 2-3 hour period she would play with the kids, take them out and keep them busy while I caught up on my own chores and house work. She was brilliant, very flexible and helpful.

On a side note I also hired a photography student that was a friend of hers to do pictures of my kids at a family function and the results were so good that we have hired the same person several times for family functions. I love that It benefits not just me but young people that are eager to gain real life experience.

hollyhaphazard · 25/12/2018 09:28

We have always found ours on the local Facebook groups. Usually a local mum with all her kids in school.

SweetheartNeckline · 25/12/2018 10:15

What about looking into something like Homestart?

Oh that's so lovely that Homestart worked so well for you!

Thesedays, Homestart tend to 2-hour visits weekly for around 12 weeks. For funding reasons, there needs to be a "plan" (might be help establishing a routine or support starting to attend a weekly toddler group with your volunteer). There is huge demand and a big focus on mental health support -again for funding reasons - so I'm not sure it's quite what the OP is looking for. You can self refer however for an assessment. Blame cuts to other support services!

jessstan2 · 25/12/2018 10:25

Yup! She was a great help, qualified nanny but was prepared to do other things. When my sister had a baby she did both of us and we employed, between us, a nanny/housekeeper because we didn't want her to be overwhelmed. She was my sister's youngest sister in law. During the course of her work, she met a really nice widowed man with one child and married him! Loved his little son and then had one of her own. They're a lovely family, 20 years or more on. But I digress.....

I had a a housekeeper, shared with sis, who also did some childcare. She was a gem and became good friend.

My grown up offspring adored/adore both.

fourstars · 25/12/2018 10:42

I've been both a mothers help and had one.

I was actually a trained nanny but when the Mum is a stay at home Mum I'd refer to myself as a mothers helper.

I do shopping, take the kids out, cook, homework etc.

I had a mothers helper and she was utterly fucking useless lol! I paid her £13 an hour to argue with my four year old!

Auntiepatricia · 25/12/2018 10:49

I’ve a nanny during the week because I work full time but at the weekend I’ve a mothers help every Sunday 9-1pm. It’s been great. I also have 4 kids, eldest is 5. My DH works 24/7 (no exaggeration). I was finding myself in tears every weekend while sick and pregnant with #4 so started this to have a break to help me cope. Very quickly it became a date day with one of the kids each week which has worked out well. No rest for me but it’s seriously easy and a pleasure to take one out. My mother’s help keeps the other three at home, feeds them, maybe a bit of painting and often preps veg for a roast and leaves kitchen etc tidy. Dishwasher emptied etc.

Dalesgirl16 · 25/12/2018 11:15

Please can I know how a mothers help differs from a nanny? I'm due my second baby in April and under more difficult circumstances this time round. I need to find someone to help me but don't know what the difference is between the two. My two year old has recently become scared of everyone so I don't know how it will work but do need help.

WerewolfNumber1 · 25/12/2018 11:30

A nanny can look after the children alone (sole charge), so if you want to go out for a break, or go have a nap or whatever then you can.

A mother’s help is an extra pair of hands. They might mind the children alone while you have a shower and get dressed, but you wouldn’t really leave them alone for long periods. Generally you pay a mother’s help less than a nanny for this reason.

Dalesgirl16 · 25/12/2018 19:10

Thanks. Nanny it is!

Yearofthemum · 25/12/2018 19:49

It's important to find a flexible nanny if you want her to be willing to do what you do. It should be possible .

Original poster

Stuckforthefourthtime · 25/12/2018 19:58

Agree @yearofthemum, we've had nannies before when I was working full time, and they were fab but I would never have expected them to do family household work, and that is definitely part of what I want now. Hopefully it could really suit someone who has a family or is studying but wants to earn extra for a few hours a week

@dalesgirl16 - it's not a cheap option but if you want help around the time of the birth there are some fantastic maternity nurses/nannies. My friend had one after a very difficult birth, and the nurse was amazing - entertained the older siblings while she was breastfeeding, and helped her to rest and get the new baby in a gentle routine. 2 year olds can be tricky, but the right person will be able to find a way to connect.

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