Tell me about having four children

[BrutusMcDogface]

Hi all! I'm currently pregnant with our surprise number four, and have been through all the emotions!

Today I am mainly terrified. Had a day out at soft play and just kept thinking how much harder it will be in times to come when there are four of them.

Please help! Tell me it'll all be ok and rub my back sympathetically! Or, tell me it's bloody hard work and give me some tips to help us all cope!

Thank you!

[MercuryRising]

Hi 24carrot I had my 12 week scan on Monday and being a mum of 4 now feels like it will be a reality. My eldest two are 11 and 9 so a slightly larger age gap than you. They are both very excited about having a new brother or sister. Ds2 is only 2 so has no understanding yet, although I hope he loves having a playmate closer to his age.

Have you spoken to your dh about the possibility of number 4 yet?

[Streetangel1]

Hi, I’m new to this but precisely joined for the discussion above.
I have 3 children 7, 3 and 18months.
I am also pregnant with baby no.4 10 weeks.
Anxiety is killing me I find it terribly hard with the 3 and have no idea how I will manage with another, I feel so lonely I USED to have friends no longer the case.
I’m in a bad place I feel DH is insensitive doesn’t understand I maybe depressed I don’t know.
Don’t get me wrong I love my babies to bits but feel like fail as a mother to them as I am only able to provide the minimum clean clothes, baths, food etc I don’t go out anywhere with them and have no time to play or give them the attention they deserve and need.
Also breastfeeding my 18mo he wakes up a million times a night still to soothe feed himself back to sleep.
I need cuddles and words of wisdom what do I do.
It was lovely seeing all your responses to the original post I feel there is hope.

[BirthdayKake]

I've got four Street and have suffered from anxiety and depression. Antidepressants are fab x

[wfrances]

i have 4 lovely dc , all practically grown up now.
23, 21, 19 and 14 - eldest is now married , so only 3 at home now
ive had chronic health problems since my second childs birth, but they are all very independent ,mature and caring.
even when they were young they seemed to understand i had limits and never played up .
luckily they all slept , i have heard horror stories and maybe i wouldnt have had so many if they didnt sleep.

[Streetangel1]

Hello lovely, thank you for your response.
I’ve never considered antidepressants as such much I strongly feel I should go and speak with a doctor. I may do that as I feel I have ran out of option and am literally begging for help x

[Streetangel1]

Wfrances you I would call a true super hero.
Health problem and 4 kids and somehow you have managed to get through it.
I see light at the end of the tunnel x

[BrutusMcDogface]

Street - sounds like you definitely need to see your doctor. Take care

As for me- 34 weeks now, and just started maternity leave!!

[BrutusMcDogface]

street - what happened with your friends? Lost touch because of being so busy? Or anxiety/depression stopped you going to see them? I understand. is there any way you could get in touch with them again?

[tremendous]

Brutus, I just found the thread. I've got 4 eldest is nearly 10 youngest 3. I'm currently sunning myself in the garden. House is a state but I'm outside so can't see it!! Good luck with your imminent arrival. 4 is amazing. I'm off to read the tips thread as I think I could do with some!

[saladfingers]

I have 4, aged 19, 11, 10 & 9. Last 3 very close together, 39 months between 2 and 4. It was chaotic when the youngest 3 were all under 5 but has improved... Slightly. The house has never recovered but I'm m living with it. Practical tip for soft play and other trips out is dress them in the same colour, eg orange/yellow tshirt. Makes it easier to keep track of them when they scatter!

[BrutusMcDogface]

Hi again!

Number 4 is here and gorgeous, but I am so, so tired!! How is everyone else?

[BrutusMcDogface]

Good tip, salad! I've done this in the past

[ballseditupagain]

Oh congratulations Brutus welcome to the chaotic club.

[CombinationOfWords]

Congratulations!!
I've got 3 but I just stalk this section because I love the idea of a large family and pine for another but I don't think I've got the stamina for it!!
I'm sure it will fly by and you'll have sleep again soon (one day!)

[Ooforfoxsakeridesagain]

I have four - oldest was 5 when youngest was born.

I do admit, I look back now and think ‘how the fuck did I do that?’ But I think what was key was being kind to myself and not trying too hard.

The biggest help was having a cleaner. Even if it’s two hours every fortnight, if you can, do. I have always budgeted for the help. Supermarket deliveries is the other biggie.

Fast forward a few years and oldest has just got his GCSE results. It’s just occurred to me that I’ve got six solid years of ‘big’ exams.

It’s all entirely do-able, exhausting, lovely. Mine are at the point where I can leave them to it and have some life. I’m a single parent now, and it’s still hard work, but as they are turning into young adults, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is having a large family.

[Spinningteapots]

Large families are great when in a supportive and loving relationship. But I have seen the other side. DP had 5 with the ex and that was fine with the physical and financial support of each other. But raising 4 or 5 kids on your own with no support after a break up can drain you of everything. Its hard enough being a single parent to two. Kids consume physical, mental and financial resourses. The more you have the more they consume. As long as you have these and plenty of support from others all is good.

[SweetheartNeckline]

Hi, just dropping in as I've followed this thread for a while. Glad you're enjoying your new arrival Brutus. I am expecting number 4 in March and on the whole can't wait. My eldest will be 7 when baby arrives, so slightly more of a gap than some of you have had, although still lots of young children! I wanted DC4 to be starting school when DC1 starts secondary - I don't know why, I guess I want to be able to return to work at some point, and not be torn too much by vastly different needs. Although, a family member who had 16 and 18 year old DC at home and fostered 2 preschoolers said parenting different age groups uses different parts of the brain, so is easier in some way! I guess it's all swings and roundabouts and like teapots said I'm hoping the fact that we're relatively comfortable financially (definitely considering a cleaner / laundry service / posh ready meals for the first few weeks) and overall a good team will help us get through any tough spots.

[Ooforfoxsakeridesagain]

It is hard being a single parent to four, and with no support it can be challenging logistically and gets more complicated. I think as they get older the demands change, and meeting their needs is different. I have to be there more emotionally these days.

What’s hard is not having anyone to share the decisions with, or having anyone else’s input on what time they should be in/if they can go to a party/picking them up at midnight. Having to keep your fingers crossed, hoping you’ve done enough to raise decent people and that they will look out for each other.

[Keepingupwiththejonesys]

Was just going to post a thread about this. I have 3 ages 5, 3 and 18months. I really want one more and don't want a big age gap. Is the financial aspect between 3&4 very different? I think I'll manage, things will be crazy but I do believe I'd be fine. Its more costs that worry me

[timeisnotaline]

Anecdotally, everyone I know from a large family says they would have preferred a smaller one,
I haven’t worked through the thread but i have lots of anecdata contradicting this. I’m one of 6 and would happily have a large family. For practical reasons we will stop at 3 or 4. My brother has 3. My dh is one of 5 and also wants a large family. He has 2 brothers with 3 each, the less children is just because it’s more expensive now! I have friends who both want a large family, she is one of 5 and he is one of 8. They have 4. Just to add to your anecdata , I could add another 10 examples.

[Ooforfoxsakeridesagain]

As teens yes. I was a SAHM when they were small so didn’t have childcare to pay for and we all kind of hurtled along together - days out with a picnic, clothes certainly got their wear. I don’t remember thinking about the cost increasing.

Now they are teens I’m constantly paying for hobbies it seems. I don’t mind, they have stuck with the same hobbies since they were small (football/music/dance) but you start factoring in exams, travelling, lessons, equipment, kit and petrol then it’s noticeable. I was always of the ‘cross that bridge when I get to it’ mindset.

I am facing a spate of GCSEs/A levels/Uni/job’s now. I would do anything to go back to pushing them around the supermarket in a double buggy, one perched on top and carrying another on my shoulders. such happy days!

[Keepingupwiththejonesys]

I know someone who is one of 9, he hates it but to be quite honest his parents are naff. My mum is one of nine and loved it. Said although they didn't have a lot of money she never went without and all her siblings other than one have gone on to have children. Most of them having around 3-4. I'm one of 4 and my husband is one of 5, we both wanted at least 3 children

[Keepingupwiththejonesys]

That's something that I do think about. Financially we would be OK with one more. With my youngest being quite young still I still have all the big things like pram, cot etc. We will have to budget but will still manage an English holiday (camping or pontins type thing) each year. Once they're teens though I know costs will rocket.

[Sarahandduck18]

How are you getting on with number 4 op?