Tell me about having four children

[BrutusMcDogface]

Hi all! I'm currently pregnant with our surprise number four, and have been through all the emotions!

Today I am mainly terrified. Had a day out at soft play and just kept thinking how much harder it will be in times to come when there are four of them.

Please help! Tell me it'll all be ok and rub my back sympathetically! Or, tell me it's bloody hard work and give me some tips to help us all cope!

Thank you!

We thought similar ewe after 3 DSs. DC4 is my DD

I have five, and since they came one at a time, each additional child wasn’t too hard. I’ve never had more than two at home, except in school holidays.

I’ve always put older children to work as soon as they were capable, so they would move laundry from washer to dryer, load the dishwasher, fetch nappies from a fairly young age. Thankfully, I am not into high standards.

I can’t remember school runs being difficult -maybe I have lost those memories. I am one of those people who is early for everything, so we always made it to school on time.

The other thing I have found is that the younger children instinctively know their place in the pecking order.

I had four in just seven years so got a lot of help from the older ones. There was always someone to fetch things or to amuse the baby.
It’s good for kids to grow up in a bigger family and we had cousins nearby too. They learnt to get along, to cope with jealousy and different temperaments, to share and look after each other.
I learnt to be tidy, organised and to have a routine.

4dc here aged 16, 14, 11 and 8. 2 girls, 2 boys. All very much planned (although I’d have chosen a smaller gap between 3 and 4). We had a Galaxy and currently have an Espace but are looking at getting a converted van as we need more luggage space for camping etc.

I’ve just asked dc 2 and 3 if they like being part of a ‘big’ family. Dc 3 says “yes, she does but sometimes it gets loud and her older brother stinks. DC2 says “yeah, it’s quite hectic and you get no privacy on the toilet.”

We are fortunate to have a 5 bed house although dc3 and 4 choose to share at weekends/school holidays. Chores are expected and shared but like a PP, I have low standards!

Holidays are limited - we try and go away every other year but we live in a UK holiday destination so it’s not the hardship it may first appear. This year will be the first time we all go skiing together which is very exciting!

I love having 4dc especially now they are hitting the stage of being good fun and company to be with.

Just reading the previous post saying that people from big families wish they were from a smaller family & vice versa - my husband is one of 8 & loved it. He's still close to all but one sibling. We have 6 - all planned - (probably stopping at 6...but never say never! 😉) & I was chatting to my eldest 2 (aged 9 & 10) earlier...the conversation started about the possibility of getting a 4th dog; they were all 'No more pets, Mum!!' BUT both of them said they think we should have one more baby. I was surprised at this - as I've told them our little no.6 is the baby & will always be the baby! But they both said they love being part of a big family & "There's room for one more, Mum!" 🤣

I have four, boys aged 4, 2, 1 and 10wk, leaving the house feels like a military operation, key is get as much ready as u can night before, my eldest is starting school this year so that will be a new experience..

Just asked introverted DC3 if she felt there were too many people around (apart from our four kids there always seem to be other people in our house). She said it was fine because she had her own room and could shut people out whenever she wanted to.

My kids were three to a room though when they were little and the two girls shared until the elder was 9. But even when they had their own rooms they liked weekend sleepovers with each other.

Eldest DS(23) was turfed out of his room for one night over Christmas to accommodate a relative and bunked in with DS2 (11). He ended up staying there a few more nights because DS2 was so thrilled with the arrangement.

We’ve four children, 11, 9, 7 all boys and 3 yr old little girl. 9 year old has SEN too. I find it bloody hard work and chaotic, but the good times make up for the morning and bathtime stress (most days!!). Only tip I can offer is routine, routine, routine if you want any chance of some adult chill out time in the evening. I get all bags and uniforms ready the night before, as well as lunches.

To be completely honest I found it easier when our little girl was still in her pram/pushchair. I only had 2 children to look after, my then 8 year old was very mature so I knew he was safe and wouldn’t wander off at the park etc. Now I’ve our 9, 7 and 3 year old all to watch like a hawk and it’s bloody hard work!

Enjoy, and accept all offers of help. I regret not doing so as my family/friends aren’t that way inclined.

My thread made it to the front page for the first time ever! Woop!

I'm so glad there are lots of you/us around to chat to! Sis in law is actually horrified at our news!

I think a lot of the time its either thinly veiled jealousy or a genuine 'HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT - I CAN HARDLY COPE WITH 2?!!' reaction. I had some negative reactions with no.4 but by no.6 most people were 'Well, why wouldn't you?!' Plus I used to jokingly tell them they were only allowed an opinion on it if they started paying some of our bills!

I think with sil it's definitely the latter! She had her first baby last year and misses sleep!

I have 5DC they're now 21,19,16,14 and 10.

Firstly Congratulations

When I had 4DC I had become a single parent a few days before I found out that I was pregnant with my 4th DC and I was fine,it was actually really good,I managed alot better than I would ever have thought I would.
I worked part time and went to college once my youngest was 18 months old.

Best tips I can give is try not to panic don't be to hard on yourself and try to not sweat the small stuff that and get organized the more organized you are the more chance you have of getting out of the house and getting to places on time.

The getting organized for me started when I was pregnant with my 4th,towards the end of the pregnancy I did lots and lots of cooking,so I batch cooked meals to go into the freezer that with a few roast dinners and easy pasta dishes that I'd make when they were needed would last for 3 months after my 4th was born.

Every school day once the DC were in bed I'd iron everyone's clothes for the next day and lay them out ready with they're underwear(including mine and the baby's clothes)I'd make sure that the DC school bags,P.E bags,the baby's bag were all ready the night before.

Every day they got in from school I'd make sure that coats were hung up and shoes put away so we didn't have a mad rush in the morning looking for a missing shoe or coat.

Taking them out I had a double buggy because there was only 20 months between DS now 16 and DD now 14.

I took them on holiday in the UK on my own for 10 days,we had days out to parks,museums,legoland,farms and zoos,it took a bit of planning but it was always worth it.

Honestly once you get into a routine you will be fine.

24, 20, 17 and 15. Now with just the youngest three at home. Early days were inevitably a bit crazy but wouldn't have had it any other way. They have all grown up to be very independent - largely out of necessity as they've had to learn to do things for themselves. The sibling relationship between them all is very close - to keep the eldest on board they have their own FB chat group which we are not allowed to join (I suspect there's a lot of moaning about us that goes on there ). Other than what has already been said, I would suggest ... pick your battles, don't sweat the small stuff. Don't try to do too much. Take lots of pictures - these will be a source of great amusement when they're older! Also fun to look back on: write down the funny things they say in a notebook, as you'll be so busy you'll forget. As for cars ...we got through various MPVs, the last being a Chrysler Voyager which broke down and left us stranded, so we traded down to something smaller as by that time the eldest had gone to uni and was driving herself anyway, and second eldest was learning To sum up ... yes, it's been chaotic - but nobody could ever claim it was dull!

I've four aged 5-11. Steps and stairs, I'd one in school, one in nursery and one at home when youngest arrived. I love having a gang in the house, and they are close.

Things I struggle with (shared care with ex, so we each have all four 75:25)
Very little one on one time
Hard to teach one to ride a bike while another is falling off a scooter
Taking four to swimming lessons is hell
The logistics of getting kids to activities requires advanced levels of planning, especially night activities
We never overnight at Granny's - too many of us. Ditto with visiting friends - we are a horde
Sometimes 11yo minds 9 and 7 for ten minutes if I have to get emergency milk/bread
Can only use older, experienced babysitters rather than a local teen
The cost!
Fear of losing one or more on holidays or on public transport
Childcare - finding someone who will do school runs for four, and costs

Wouldn't change it for anything, except a Lottery win

I had 6 in 8 years.
What I do remember is that having number 4 changed a lot of things. It changed the car we could use, it changed holidays ( because of numbers). It changed my energy levels. With three I was still going out to the local with my no ex) H. After the 4th, I was too busy and tired.
4 tipped things over the edge.
It is bloody hard work, but you will be ok.

I have 4 aged 11 up to 16. I always had a VW Sharan until recently and found it was ideal as the height made it easy to lean in and get everyone buckled up. I think its pretty much the same as a Ford Galaxy. I changed to a Zafira recently and I like it but think I would have struggled with multiple car seats in it.

I always sent everyone to bed at the same time when they were little-the eldest used to read in bed for a while to make it fair. I think that was the main thing that kept me sane. In a way having them close in age has been good as the middle two are only a year apart and have often done the same activities. And they used to all like the same movies and days out so it was easier to plan treats. I agree with a PP though that swimming lessons for 4 are a nightmare.

Swimming lessons - from what I could see, it was always a major hassle especially if you had several children to deal with ... so we didn't bother. At least not with the conventional week-in, week-out ones. We got the job done with a combination of school holiday intensive crash (splash?) courses, school lessons and our own efforts. They all swim to a reasonable standard and the eldest ended up working as a lifeguard and is now very into water sports.

I'm militant about bed time. 2 yr old goes up at 6.45, into bed for 7. Go grab 3 yr old and she's in for 7.15. Then the 4 yr old goes at 7.30. Hopefully all are in and quiet by 7.30/8. I think I'll keep this up as long as possible.

Congratulations OP

There was a thread a few years ago on this board with loads of tips for having a larger family, I started using loads of them when I was pg with DC3, the thread will be years old now as DC4 starts school in September!

My life savers have been Ocado, Marie kondo, a very good sling (Ergo, Tula that sort of style), pushchairs that can be pushed one handed (all others had to be binned off), accepting offers of help and having an open house where friends are happy to come in and make tea and coffee.

One tip I remember from the old thread was assigning each child a colour, things like towels and toothbrushes are in that colour, when you find something on the floor you know who it belongs too.

To keep myself sane I keep up with my cut and colour appointments and always had a weeks worth of outfits lined up so that I wasn't making us late looking for a top. I also still do the school run dress thing (I Know this isn't S&B but I like my clothes and get a bit down if I feel like I can't make the effort). I trained my DC up to have breakfast all together round the table so I could do hair and make up while they were all in one place...now it's easier as they all sleep well so I just get up early and do it instead.

all that said, in the very early years there were days when I was a mess and my measure of sucess was: All fed, none dead.

One tip I remember from the old thread was assigning each child a colour, things like towels and toothbrushes are in that colour, when you find something on the floor you know who it belongs too.

Yes this!! We’ve fallen into this sort of accidentally but it works. DS1 is green, DS2 is red, DS3 is blue and DD is pink (I will sacrifice myself now). No arguments over plates, cups, tops, toothbrushes, coats, shoes etc. Marvellous.

Ooooh I wonder where that thread would be now? Does anyone have an idea what the title might have been, so I can search for it?

Need all the help I can get!

Ironically, all kids go up to bed together at the moment but I'm seriously considering staggering it. Was a nightmare last night!! When my inlaws have them overnight, they stagger bedtimes and it works for them.

I staggered bed times when I had 4 and I was on my own with them and it worked for us.

The bed times are still staggered with 5 DC and I have my DH to help now and it still works for us.

I wish I had started staggering bedtimes earlier, it worked sending them at the same time when they were smaller, now it causes arguments. Although this only works now because the older ones have been told to keep quiet once bedtimes start, I think I had to do 2 at a time because I was on my own a lot at bedtime.

I can't find the thread anywhere, I used to be able to. It was called something like 'larger families give us your can't live without tips'. You can tell it's and old thread it would be 'hacks' now rather than tips.

If you find that old thread Brutus Please can you post the link? Thanks. I'm liking the idea of colour coordinating things.... I might start using that.
I've also been wondering what to do about swimming lessons..... I cannot bear the thought of taking them all to weekly lessons after school, so was considering a private lessons for the oldest two or three....but an intensive course one holiday might be they forward.
I'm also going to consider staging bed time...... Does anyone else have any good advice about that? At the moment they all go together, as I'm knackered by bed time and just want the job done, but I can see that it would give you individuals time with each of them which they wouldn't otherwise get. Mmmmm, things to ponder! Thanks all.