Tell me about having four children

[BrutusMcDogface]

Hi all! I'm currently pregnant with our surprise number four, and have been through all the emotions!

Today I am mainly terrified. Had a day out at soft play and just kept thinking how much harder it will be in times to come when there are four of them.

Please help! Tell me it'll all be ok and rub my back sympathetically! Or, tell me it's bloody hard work and give me some tips to help us all cope!

Thank you!

[isittheholidaysyet]

Definately make friends with other large families.
Me looking after someone else's 4 kids, is the same stress as someone with one child looking after a single extra child.
However if you asked the family with one child to look after 4 extras, they would run a mile.

Having 12 at dinner, is really not that difficult when you are used to 6 as a norm.
But when the norm is 2 adults and a kid, having 9 to dinner seems a gargantuan task.

[PuddleOfInk]

Brutus

All the reasons you'd expect I suppose - lack of financial stability, house constantly noisy and chaotic, less individual attention

My mum is fabulous, but at the end of the day only one person with a busy job.

I expect personality comes into it as well - I'm quiet and sensitive and found the fact there were always so many people around very difficult.

But I am grateful for my siblings now I'm older, though in many ways it's STILL sometimes difficult. At Christmas the noise is non stop, especially now we have DC of our own. And I find when you have lots of siblings you carve out a "role" for yourself that it's quite difficult to get out out - ie, the sensible eldest one (that would be me!), the stroppy one, the ditzy one, the baby.

[PuddleOfInk]

Anecdotally, everyone I know from a large family says they would have preferred a smaller one, and everyone I know from a small family says they would have preferred a larger one. Can't bloody win!

Hence why I, the eldest of four, am seriously struggling to decide whether or not to have one more DC, let alone three more .

[BrutusMcDogface]

Oh I hope my children enjoy having 3 siblings. The ones I already have are very close.

On another note, yes, have at least one more!

[PuddleOfInk]

brutus

sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I was always super close to my siblings growing up, and I still am. I just found the constant people everywhere hard, and I still do.

It's all complicated isn't it - I daresay if I leave my son an only in 20 years time he'll be complaining about it!

[Needmorehands]

Tinkly - I'm one of 3 and my Godmum had 4, and we still reminisce about the Christmas we spent with 7 kids under 10! I love the idea of turning the kids loose in a feral pack to collect their own muddy sunscreen :D

[Afreshcuppateaplease]

I think as long as all the dc in the family can get their own bit of space, some one on one time with parents and are treated as an individual it shouldnt really be an issue

[madcatwoman61]

I have 4 - just under 5 years between eldest and youngest, so sigh of relief when eldest started school! They went to the village school 5 minutes walk away which helped. They are now 34, 32, 30 and 29. 14 months between the youngest 2 - double pushchair and a fair amount of planning the night before anything. Actually it was worse when they were all teenagers and I was a single parent. We had a 7-seater Peugeot which was great. They live all over now but are still very close knit. One more just fitted in to the existing chaos really, and I suppose they all had to be a bit more independent really. All BF for varying lengths of time.

[PuddleOfInk]

I think as long as all the dc in the family can get their own bit of space, some one on one time with parents and are treated as an individual

Sure, but easier said than done right? Unless you have a 5 bedroom house.

I think sharing with a sibling is lovely really, it's more about the fact your identity gets so embedded in the fact you're one of a group.

I'm explaining this very badly I know!!!

[Afreshcuppateaplease]

I do have a five bedroomed house....

....although i dont think its a necessity

Some children love to share a room. My eldest two did until earlier this year and they do not reflect on this negatively

[HelenaJustina]

Honestly, it’ll be fine! My eldest was 5.5 when DC4 was born so all quite close together.

I’m an ‘organised’ Mum, from my experience there are broadly two types of Mums who have big families, organised or laidback! My personality is to be highly organised as I find that less stressful.

There are times when it is hard work but times when it all comes together, it gets easier as they get older. Everyone has to pull their weight in our house which is no bad thing to learn to do early.

[PuddleOfInk]

Everyone has to pull their weight in our house which is no bad thing to learn to do early.

I agree with that, and I certainly think children in big families tend to do more in that regard which is a good thing.

I know MN looks negatively at older siblings having to help out with younger ones, but I always did this and enjoyed it. And it was a great benefit when I had DS as I knew how to do a lot of things already!

[RandomMess]

I have tried to ensure that my DC are treated as individuals emphasised their different interests and not let them get stuck in roles/personalities they had when young.

It does help that only the middle two went to the same secondary school and they are so unlike many teachers didn't realise they are sisters!

[897654321abcvrufhfgg]

I had a surprise number 4 too who arrived 11m after number 3!!! He is the light of our love bed and completes our family perfectly. Organisation and little and often with housework is the key.

[Megs4x3]

Mine are all adults now, but I loved having 4. I was a single parent since being pregnant with the first one and had no transport until the youngest was at school. I fostered for part of the time and the house was heaving with teenagers to-ing and fro-ing for several years. It was hard, but I wouldn't be without any of them. I'm sure it all will be ok in the end. :-)

[fluffyrobin]

I love being a mum of 4.

If you bring up your dc to be kind and thoughtful; turn household needs into a team effort; get everyone cooking; making their own bed/sandwiches/being responsible for their own PE kit/suitcase packing and cleaning up at the earliest possible age (in my dc's case it was from aged 3) then you can enjoy motherhood.

Keeping a sense of humour is the most important thing, which is why selfish, spoilt entitlement would need to be nipped in the bud very early on.

I have friends who have less dc but seethe with resentment at their dc for not wanting to help out and can never find anything so blame their mother. What a horribly stressful environment!

As long as your parenting is geared towards raising responsible, kind and thoughtful and capable members of society then family life will be a joy instead of a chaotic struggle.

[CazM2012]

We had our 4th almost a year ago now, just under 5 years between all 4, today I’m going to be honest and say I spent 10 minutes in the bathroom crying with tiredness but that was from DC3 so cant really say the 4th one broke me. But overall we wanted 4, and love having 4! I’m very organised and when it’s term time we have a very strict routine, which is relaxed more holiday time.

[BrutusMcDogface]

I'm so pleased with all the responses, thank you!! After a stressful school run this afternoon I'm having a "aaaaagggghhhh!!" Moment but it's nice to come home to some positive messages!

I particularly love that your number 4 is the "light of your love bed", 89765...

[MelanieSmooter]

I’ve got 4. 11, 10, 6 & 4. It’s great! I’m naturally very organised so it all seems to fit fine. I work 9-3 term time only so I can pick up every day and DH takes to breakfast club on his way to work. Agree with preparing as much as possible the night before - lunches made, uniform out, work outfit picked etc. My most amazing recent discovery is the delay timer on my washing machine. I put a load on every evening once they’re in PJs set to start around 1pm so it’s done when we get home but hasn’t sat in the machine for ages. Stick it in the drier once I get in and fold once I’ve put the next load on if that makes sense? I clean at the weekends and cook every evening - sometimes it’s just a pizza but we eat!

[demirose87]

Mine are 9, 4, 23 months and 15 weeks. It takes a lot more organisation and preparation than when I had three but I think that's because the youngest three are so young. I don't actually find it that difficult but that may be because I was a single mum to three before I met my partner and had my fourth, so I have more support I didn't have
previously.
The only thing I find hard is that I never have a minute to myself, constantly on the go until bedtime.

[MelanieSmooter]

Sure, but easier said than done right? Unless you have a 5 bedroom house.

We actually do too The DC all have their own rooms and we make a point, both DH and I, of having 1:1 time with each child twice a month. It doesn’t have to be much, sometimes DH will take just one (sometimes two) to the cinema. Sometimes we just let one stay up later than the others to play cards/board games etc. I think they’re happy when they’re not having a hormonal strop

[ewemum]

Shouldn't have read this thread. Dc3 is 7 months and I think daily about having no. 4. DH says no though as convinced we would have DD4 and he would be overrun. Back to work soon, so maybe my feelings will change.

[Afreshcuppateaplease]

ewemum tell him hes already overrun! That ship has sailed

[RandomMess]

@ewemum 4 x DDs is awesome!!!

[Ohforfoxsakereturns]

Totally agree with the pp who said once outnumbered its easier to be more relaxed.

I like to be the first up, to have 30 mins to have a coffee and get some jobs done. Everything is planned ahead. I have a gap of 5 years between the oldest and youngest. A double buggy and a sling in the early days. Another organised one here, but now they are into their teens I struggle to keep up and stay on top on where they are meant to be and what they are doing. I’m now a single parent, which I hadn’t factored in at the time, but it’s fine.

I won’t pretend it’s not hard work, it is, but it’s lovely to have four children.

It’s also lovely to have a cleaner. She saves my sanity weekly.