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Original poster

Would you employ help with 4dc after school?

49 replies

Mumof3cheeky · 06/08/2017 10:19

Just wondering if anyone has ever decided to pay for someone to help out after school to drop and pick dc and just denerally help if dp was working away?
We are considering no4 but as dp is away a lot of the week days I'm thinking of asking for help once dc4 is here or does that sound crazy if I'm a SAHM and 3 d at school all day??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OwnLittleIsland · 07/08/2017 08:15

amazing not ana

bellaandby · 07/08/2017 10:02

I have a toddler, she's 2.

Toddler is in nursery full time (until 4 when DD 13 picks her up)
DD 13 pretty much looks after herself she has after school clubs on Tuesday and Thursday and on those days DD2 stays in nursery for an extra 45 mins
DS and DD are primary aged, they go to my friend in the morning for 30 mins and she drops hers and mine at school. They have after school clubs two days so the other theee days I start early and she gets them from school and has them for about 30 mins. Their dad picks them up from school on Tuesday and wed morning is his as that's the day he has them.

Sunday is family day, house is cleaned top to bottom in the morning for the rest of the week. Roast in the afternoon and all uniforms washed for the week whilst we eat and usually play board games. Little bits of housework is done throughout the week by everyone, even the 2 year old has to help.

Food shop gets done Monday after work. All the kids help and help put away. Homework is done in the kitchen whilst I cook. Everyone washes their own dishes and puts them away, I clean the cooking stuff.

That's the bare bones of it and 80% of the time it works, 20% it's chaos!

NataliaOsipova · 07/08/2017 10:07

If you can afford it, why not? The pick up and "who is doing which after school thing where?" is tricky when you have two kids, as one is invariably sitting around waiting for the other. But it's just about manageable with two of them. If I had a third, I'd definitely do as you suggest - more for them, them they aren't spending extra hours sitting in the car, than for me.

Original poster

Mumof3cheeky · 07/08/2017 10:14

I don't mean to sound cheeky Bellaby but I don't see how you situation is like mine with a 7,5,3 well they would be 8,6,4 and a newborn. I'm sorry if this offends you but it looks like you have childcare sorted it might be free but it's definitely looks like people are helping you out even if it is your 13 year old

OP posts:

bellaandby · 07/08/2017 10:51

Not sure what the face is for. Everyone in the house helps out, she picks her up and walks her home, I'm in the door 10 mins later.

I've never said people shouldn't have help, I'm sure it would make life easier. There's no need for PA comments

RelaxMax · 07/08/2017 11:03

I think the face was because you were saying you wouldn't hire help and didn't see what they would do, when the reality is you have a lot of help from your teenage DD, your friend and your ex.

If the OP doesn't have that kind of free help available it makes total sense to hire some help.

bellaandby · 07/08/2017 12:55

The OP is married isn't she? She has a whole other adult!

Original poster

Mumof3cheeky · 07/08/2017 13:33

Yes the face was for exactly that reason bellaandby! Obviously not read the thread through that said my dp works away most of the week and yes your post implied that you do everything involving school pick up after school clubs with 4 kids and you don't see what an extra person would do. An extra person would do exactly what your friend or 13 year old does!

OP posts:

angelgirls · 07/08/2017 13:48

No I'm a single parent of 4 between ages of 2-14, bern single for 10 years and get no support or financial help!

I do drop to clubs etc 7 days a week

angelgirls · 07/08/2017 13:49

Sorry should say one thing I would pay for if I could afford it would be someone to clean my house once a week as I'm also a self employed cleaner and spend my time cleaning others

Ilikecakes · 07/08/2017 13:49

Watching with interest. DC4 due at the end of October and DH's new job will involve a huge amount of travelling for the next two years, so I'm thinking about some sort of live in help. Before any faces start up (!), we discussed at great length before he decided to take the job, and agreed together that it was in our family's long term financial interests for him to do so.

Does anyone know the exact difference between an au pair and a live in nanny? Is it that the nanny holds childcare qualifications and is there to assist with them, whereas the au pair's role is more informal, with them helping out with light work in home, doing pick up and drops offs, the odd night of babysitting etc? Obviously not done enough research yet to fully understand this!

RelaxMax · 07/08/2017 13:50

The OPs partner is busy at work! The amount of help belaandby is getting could easily be more help than a partner who does long hours/works away can offer.

Op, if you can afford it then yes absolutely hire help, why not make your life easier if you can!

RelaxMax · 07/08/2017 13:52

Au pairs are more like a helpful big sister doing occasional baby sitting and chores. Nannies are fully trained professionalls taking on full responsibility for the children while they work.

ElizabethShaw · 07/08/2017 13:58

A nanny is a professional childcarer and will probably want a 40-60 hour week, paid around £10 an hour (depending on location, experience, qualification) - they just provide childcare and duties related to care of the children, not housework, and will probably expect to work pretty independently.

An au pair is a foreign teen/young person on a cultural exchange who will help out with 25-30 hours a week babysitting and household chores in exchange for being treated as a family member and gets pocket money of around £80-£100 a week.

Ilikecakes · 07/08/2017 14:11

Thank you both, that's roughly what I expected. I think an au pair is probably the type of help I'm after - a few pick ups+drop offs a week, some help folding washing etc, maybe some help with doing the kids' dinner if I'm busy with new baby etc.

OP - if you can afford it, absolutely do it! Life is far too short to struggle excessively and if you don't have family members close by who can help, buy it in!

Crumbs1 · 07/08/2017 19:09

I was clear to my husband I wasn't reducing my work so I could be his cleaner/servant. He didn't have time to do all extra chores and as we had more we wanted to make sure they were our priority.
We've never had family support so had to work it out for ourselves and paid help made children a delight and allowed us to give individual attention. They were much loved parts of the family and we remain in close contact still. Our daughter's were our nannies bridesmaids and are godmothers to her children now. Our housekeeper still comes across most weeks with a home baked treat even though she's now in her late 70s.
If you can afford it why feel bad. It turns potential stress into pleasure.

Raver84 · 07/08/2017 19:21

I've 4. Aged 7 down to newborn. If you husband isn't around in the evening to help it may be with getting someone to help or cut back on clubs. My newborn cluster feeds from around 4pm. Going to activities would be awful at this time.

As a tip I found making dinner at lunchtime helps when kids are at school then I just re heat it for their supper I simply cannot cook a proper evening meal otherwise. When this fails there is pasta pasta and more pasta.

LostInMess · 08/08/2017 19:33

You should absolutely get someone if you
can, OP. I am a bit further on from you, DC 9, 7, 5 and nearly 2 and the last couple of years have been absolute mayhem. No relatives nearby, DH tends to leave at 5.30am, returning after 8pm.

I returned to part time term time only work when DC4 was 6 months old and had help for those hours but with hindsight should have had more. Our DC4 is a delight but was unplanned and I don't think that helped. We did manage to do everything but it was incredibly stressful and I am not sure that the benefits outweighed this. I'd have felt hugely guilty had we not.

I have massively beefed up my childcare arrangements from September so that we have additional help for some evenings. I am just about breaking even salary wise but I think that it is worth it for everyone's sanity in the long term. I am also signing up different children for various holiday clubs this month to try to have some one to one time (or even two to one time) and to try and dilute the more difficult sibling relationships - just a change of dynamics makes all the difference.

A very wise friend of mine, with 5 DC told me that she considered that 3 was the largest number that could be done alone. Others would disagree but not me! I do not anticipate that we will always need help but would absolutely recommend it at current ages and stages.

LostInMess · 08/08/2017 19:34

Ps - and much depends on your baby. DC4 was Velcro baby - he spent much time in a sling which was a godsend but it was still very hard at times. He is now a kamikaze climber which makes homework etc particularly challenging!

TwinningIt · 09/08/2017 07:52

Yes to help, but make sure you know what you want them to do first.

I have 4 - two at school and toddler twins at home with me. I have a student who comes after school on a couple of days where we have complicated club routines/late finishes. Also my dp works away during the week and don't have any family help.

Basically we split things so we are looking after 2 children each. I got help initially when I physically couldn't take two babies to older kids swimming lessons etc. I can now manage on my own (and don't have any help over the holidays) but it's so much better not to be run ragged constantly.

Original poster

Mumof3cheeky · 09/08/2017 08:44

Thank you so much for all your replies. It's good to know some of you think alike or similarly half lost their mind at this stage . Work wise definitely some sort of a help is the way forward for us if we decide to do but have to say the more I think about the more I have the guilty feeling we should not push our luck with a 4th. I'm pretty much overwhelmed by our boys and their fights although they are lovely individuals a 4th would make chances of spending time with them or seeing that unique personality on their own even more difficult. Just can't shake this feeling of "what if we just went for one more?!" Probably summer holiday in the thick of 24hrs with the kids isn't the prime time people decide to add to their family I suspect X

OP posts:

Afreshstartplease · 13/08/2017 08:16

I have four. (9, 8, 4 and 9 months) Until recently I was working full time as well as dp working full time, DC were in childcare until 5/6pm and I was struggling to get things done in the evenings. I've since reduced my working hours to 16 hours and now manage fine. I don't see why a sahm would need paid help unless perhaps DC had some additional needs, however if you want it that is your choice!

Monstersincq · 03/09/2017 06:42

Babies are easy

Hollow laugh

burninghigh · 04/09/2017 09:08

I've got 4. Deffo pay for help if you can afford it. We get very little family help and sometimes I'm run ragged just trying to keep them alive. A bit of paid for help will give you time to do the nice stuff. Or just go to the loo on your own.

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