Working or SAHMs with 3 kids

[ayesar]

I am contemplating having a third child. My kids are currently 3 and almost 5 and I think we will wait till next year to start TTC. I currently work part time and enjoy working a lot. My husband once told me that if we have 3 I probably would have to stay at home because it would be so much work. For me, staying home would be s deal breaker and I would stop at 2 if I couldn't work.

So I'm just wondering, for those who have 3 kids, did you continue working or quit and stay home? I feel like a lot of moms decide not to go back to work after the third.

Oh boy, I think my husband has been misunderstood here lol. He does help out around the house, not a lot, but he does his share. He is extremely hands on with the kids and does everything for them than I do. He has the better job which pays more so if any of us had to stay home it would have to be me. I don't think he was super serious about me staying home, it was just something he was exploring and testing waters with. I am really glad to hear that so many of you are working and managing fine.

My mom definitely wants me to only focus on my career as she believes a woman's career should be the most important. So she thinks my career will be affected negatively if I have a third child. She's right in the sense that I would be off for a one year mat leave.

Anyway, it's a lot to think about.

I'm on leave now, taking 25 weeks off but going back in May for a week of training. I am serious about my career and couldn't take a year off as that would be too long for me.

DH is the earner in our family and travels a lot. He left this morning at 6am leaving me on my own with the 3DC and will return on Thursday night. I'm not back at work but either way it's doable if you set yourself up right. You need proper support and to be organized regardless of your 'working' status. When you have 3 DC 5 and under its hard work! (Mine are 4, 3 and 3 weeks).

I have 6dcs and am on maternity leave at the moment I will be going back probably full time in october.

I find it hard. The days are long and I feel spread really thin, but I have been miserable at home not having adult company.

faints at the thought of 6 DC! I'd be running back to work too. Just bought shoes for my elder 2 and was thrilled it only cost $77!

I have 4 and will be returning to work once my mat leave is up. I work p/t evenings though to fit around dh so we don't have to pay for childcare.
Can I just say though, your mums opinion is irrelevant. It's up to you whether career is important or not, not anybody else no matter how close they are. I'm pretty sure most people's gravestones read "loving wife, mother" etc than "great employee"

I'm the opposite to you I became a SAHM after Dc1 was born and eventually went back to work when dc2 was aged 2 (I'd had 5yrs off) I've just had dc3 and unfortunately staying at home isn't an option financially. I've gone back to work part time. Older 2 are in FT school and dc3 is looked after by grandparents so I've no child care costs

I went back after my 3rd but not for long as there had been a lot of change in my industry and within my employer and it became a shit place to work. Childcare was a balancing act I will agree but more down to DS1 having started school when DS3 was tiny so another ball to juggle. We did switch to a nanny instead of nursery though and it was so much easier, cheaper and generally brilliant. Should have done it after DS2. I'm now a SAHM but we relocated after I finished work anyway so hard to say what I would be doing if we stayed where we were. I'm not sure it was the extra child that was the killer blow though.

I'm a sahm to 3 (11,7 and 5). Went p/t after dc1, then stopped after dc2. I now run a small business from home but am v keen on actually getting back into the workplace now they're all at school.

The hard thing is getting a job tho, and I'll never get a job in my old field again - in some ways I wish I'd never left work, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

And I had horrendous anxiety and PTSD after a still birth between dc1 and dc2 so was in no fit state to work anyway.

I work with 3 and it's fine. I work 2 school hour days and 1 longer. My youngest goes to nursery 3 days a week and my older 2 go to school (picked up by a nanny on my longer day- really lucky to have a flexible student who can do just 2 hours a week and more in school hols).

It's a massive juggle but I was off for 2.5 years sahm/extended mat leave and that seemed to be just as much of a juggle with school, friends, activities, sleep times etc. Therefore I figure I may as well work and get some time out and earn some money!

I work full time and like you, staying home is simply not an option for me (my mental health took a bartering when I was home.) I have three children - 8, almost 5, almost 2. It takes organization and an acceptance that "me time" takes a backseat, but it's infinitely doable. Best of luck!

I work 19hrs a wk, with 5 children, as a single parent. When you add to this 12.5hrs of school runs per wk, it seems impossible to fit it all in, but with organisation and determination you can.

Have 3 kids and went back to work once my youngest started school. Love it!! Im very lucky as i have a flexible job and we have a lot of childcare in placw

My advice is to be very organised and get a decent washing machine and dryer. It makes my life so much easier.

I have 2yo, 5yo and 7yo and wild 2 days a week. I have always worked since having dcs but this is the least and it is just enough for me. But I really enjoy my job. To be honest although I have avery busy job it s ok and although I'm knackered a lot it's not the job that does this ifyswim!

You should have a nanny and a cleaner, ideally.

I have been a SAHM since we had our first baby. DDs are now 14 weeks, 2.3 and 4.5. Personally I don't think we'd be as happy if I was working, but that's because I love being a SAHM, we don't need or want the money and DH is happy with the arrangement.

In terms of workload within the home, I haven't found the jump from 2 to 3 anywhere near as hard as from 1 to 2. Partly this is due to the personalities of the kids, and me being calmer, but mostly I thibk it's true that subsequent babies just fit in.

I went back to work because I would not have found it easy to re-enter my job market if I had left it. My last two were twins and the first few years of childcare meant that I wasn't earning any more than paying for nursery! However it was worth it in the long term.

I work periodically and this is when the house is at its worst !! Get a cleaner. I have three dc, definitely need to be more organised you really can't wing it with 3, although that could be the ages of mine,8,5 and 1

We have 3DC aged 3, 7 and 8. DH and I both work, for most of the time since DD1 was born we've both worked 4 days a week but DH has now increased his hours (he changed his job to reduce his commute so the increased work hours are balanced by the lack of commuting hours) and I'm about to (promotion) so we'll be working 4.5 days each. We have a wonderful cleaner and the older two go to an excellent after school club at the nursery the youngest goes to so most of the year we only have one pick up. DH works locally so does school drop off every morning and works flexitime so can attend assemblies/sports days etc. He's also going to take unpaid parental leave for some of the summer holidays and both of us have generous holiday allowances (6-7 weeks) which helps. We have no family locally so we have to manage it all between us and paid childcare. The long term plan is to get an au pair to take that 'grandparent' role of doing school pickups and taking kids to some activities. And they'll probably have to do the kid's washing as well .

It was an easy decision for us, DH and I both earn much more than the childcare costs, and frankly I would have gone mad at home, if I'd been in an earlier generation I probably wouldn't have married and definitely wouldn't have had kids.

As far as housework goes, as the kids get older it gets easier in a lot of ways, they can do more of the household tasks and it's much easier getting out of the house than when you have a small baby. DH does a lot around the house though, I wouldn't have had children with a man who I didn't think would be as committed to the family as me (he's busy tidying downstairs while I MN!). FWIW we know lots of families with 3 or more kids and only 1of those families has a SAHP (and that's the Dad). I tend to think parents with 3 or more kids tend to be pretty organised people and so can juggle work and family.

As far as your career goes then I think it depends very much on the industry you work in. I've been pushing for a promotion for the last 6 months or so and I found a) working 4 days made some options available that weren't available if I worked 3 days so when you're at that stage you need to think about what's the best option for you b) some managers will be glad you have 'completed' your family and are too old to be at risk of another pregnancy and c) others will judge that you are too old and haven't progressed fast enough over the previous few years that'll be all the pregnancy and maternity leave d) you will need to be assertive about your desire for moving on in your career because some people will have put you on the 'mummy track' and assume you aren't interested in progression. On the other hand some of the people I have spoken to have come up with ideas I hadn't considered so it's worth putting yourself out there and seeing what happens.

I had three children under the age of 3 and the child care costs would of been more than my wages, so I gave up work to stay at home with the children and have loved it, they are all now at school 6,7&8 and I now foster babies so that I'm busy but also at home 😃