Are we the only ones with useless grandparents?

[workingonitagain]

We have 3 ds and have 3 grandparents . Dp's mum&dad are divorced so they see them seperately. They are happy to come over but none of them actually makes any efforts to have fun with them. They are 1,3,5 and we are struggling with them too ( lots of physical fights). We are out a lot and they are doing lots of sports. I know it will eventually get easier but wanted to know if anyone is left to themselves when it comes to granparents or is perhaps because they are boys?

I understand where the long rant about parents responsibility is coming from, but there is a distinction where some grandparents just don’t seem interested in their grandchildren. My mum is like that. She visits very occasionally, but spends the time on her phone texting my youngest sister. I asked my 12 year old if he’d enjoyed seeing his gran, he said ‘she was on her phone all the time’.

She’s our only remaining grandparent. My husbands were very interested in the kids, too frail to be of much help, but they talked to the kids. The children have great memories of those grandparents, and that means a lot to me.

LiarsRcursedAndashamedForTheRe historic post 2015

Is it possible that dealing with physical fighting is overwhelming for the grandparents? The might not know how strict to be or be worried about being held responsible if someone gets hurt. If they’re frail they might even be frigtened of being hurt themselves.

It’s hard not getting a break from grandparents, especially when there’s such variation in how hands on they are. I often have to remind myself that our ‘useless’ grandparents have their own lives and no obligation to give me a break :)

We would have appreciated any involvement with the grandchildren, girls or boys.

Even taking them for a day out now and then, or driving them to an activity. I understand not all are good at entertainment, but there are so many other ways to engage with children..

Having zero help from family places a huge mental burden on parents as they feel that if they get sick nobody will be able to step in.

It was certainly the case that when my dd1 was born and Dh got very ill, not moving out of bed for months, I had a newborn and a Dh to look after on my own, with grandparents and relatives disappearing totally in case they had to lend a hand.

In most traditional societies families all chip in and I find it almost an aberration of modern society that this is no longer something that is expected.

Now my dh's mum is old and the children are teens/pre-teens, they have very little to say to her. They are kind and they do try when they visit, bur it's hard that they have virtually no.memories of them, apart from the odd visit for a cup of tea once a month.

I have an 8, 6, 4 and two year old so I understand how difficult it can be with the age gaps.

I have no family my side. My in-laws are not very welcome tbh. When I was struggling to bf my first born and switch ed to formula at 6 mths I got ," ugh. Cows milk is for cows". When I was successfully feeding number two I got "he looks like a starving African baby". At Xmas she was reading a book to my kids and point ed to a pig and said, " look, there is mummy". Lol. So no. I'm better off with not having them here much. Lol

I have friends with in-laws and parents who rely heavily on them. But it is mutual and the relationships are good. The parent s want to be a big part of their grandchildren s lives.

Pnd has gone up significantly the last fifty years. Families used live near by, next door even. Siblings, grannies and uncles all helped to raise children. Often now we do it in our small nuclear families. I do wonder whether that lack of "pack" support has caused an increase in PND and other mental health issues. We evolved and thrived as packs. Now we are alone.

Totally agree mumoffour

Traditionally grandparents were very involved with their children’s children. I wonder if we’ve driven them away with the my kid/my rules type attitude I know I had with my first DC. Geography plays a huge part. As does old fashioned favouritism and personalities. As a Mum of 4 ... there are two of my kids I’ll be a lot more inclined to spend time with than the others if I have a choice and I doubt 1 DC will let me help out etc .... it’s a tough one to navigate

In my experience this is nothing new. My grandparents were kind but disinterested, my parents ineffectual parents and unengaged grandparents.

This is such a sad post to read.....

All those GPs missing out on what can be such a special relationship.