The first one i brushed off, it was a shock but i'd conceive straight away after trying so thought its just a blip, i cried a lot but it didn't break my heart so to speak. The second hit me quite hard. It was new years eve, we were on our way to stay with family having had people staying all Christmas and everyone knew i was pregnant because i didn't drink. I felt a failure. We left it a few months, using contraceptive because i felt very bruised and run down. Conceived again straight away lost it very early at 6 weeks. One cycle later tested positive on due on date but bled two days later and bled so much i ended up severely anaemic and the doctor gave me tablets to stop the bleeding and iron tablets to help. It was a bit of a shock to then not have a cycle. We hadn't been active in the bedroom (or any other room) just the once. I was still anaemic and when the test was positive i felt there was no point taking it seriously. I had mild morning (all day sickness) then after a few weeks thought i'd better contact GP. Got sent straight for scan and i was 9 weeks pregnant.
It was an easy, healthy pregnancy but I didn't enjoy it. I was rather cynical and scared of getting attached. At the third scan, around 18 weeks, this apparently perfectly formed little being growing inside me petrified me and i just started to hope that maybe this one would go to term. I spent rather too much time googling statistics of surviving being born prematurely.
At 31 weeks i was at the consultants to book c- section dates, i'd had one emergency and one due to being overdue so they said i needed to go that way, i was seen by the registrar at the local hospital, we're rural, and rushed to the big hospital because something was up with mine and babies heart. It was called junior doctor misreading the bleeding instruments and they couldn't find anything wrong! The c-section at term was lovely. DD had perfect scores and just fitted in to our family. The DS's laid a place for her at the table on her first day home and were disappointed that she didn't need a knife and fork.
My mum had problems conceiving but when we chatted about things after DD was born she made an interesting observation that in her day you didn't confirm a pregnancy till 12/ 14 weeks so two of my miscarriages would have not even been known about and the other two would only have been suspicions. She's not a fan of early testing.
I think the worst thing about it all was that i felt i'd been permanently pregnant for nearly two years - all that not drinking at Christmas, Easter,Weddings and parties. It looks scary on your notes when they say pregnancy no. 7 too.
I should mention i was 37 when DD was born so age wasn't on my side either.