Bringing children to your infertility appoinments - Thoughts?

[mawinter]

I had an appointment with the clinic today, several people came and went while I was in the waiting room.

One women came with her triplets, two other women with their sons and one woman with so many children that, I had a hard time counting them all, as they were running around in and out of the waiting room The last woman also had her sister with her.

There were a few other couples in the waiting room during this time as well and I watched as a few people up and left before they were even called, never to return. One poor woman left in tears.

I was texting with DH at the time and said I could understood how some of the women and couples who left felt. He said "Well what are these people supposed to do with their children while they visit?". I said back that there is actually plenty of options and when you have an appointment someplace you usually have ample time to make other arrangements for childcare. He told me IAMBU. Am I?

I am not upset by it, but personally, I find it rude and would never do it myself and of course it got me wondering what others thoughts on this are.

First time round I saw a couple of people with children and I had mixed feelings. When it wasn't going so well for me I thought it was insensitive and when it was going better it gave me some hope. Now I am trying for DC2 and have no daytime childcare and require to be at the clinic sometimes 4 times per week I have no option. I do however make sure I have plenty to amuse my DS and try not to make a song and dance about it.

Any appointments that weren't cycle related were fairly easy to have DH look after DS.

Once in a treatment cycle, it's not always predictable with any degree of accuracy and in order to have all appointments child free, the patient would need to have very flexible child care cover. You just need your period to be late/early and all the dates change.

For me it became easier once DS was at nursery.

I had 11 embryo transfers and probably only had to take DS to 4 or 5 appointments.

Good wishes to everyone going through this.

Its a bit insensitive but..
I had primary infertility and saw some kids at the clinic. Not a huge issue.
Now 'secondary infertility' i took dd to some appts on attempt 1. And will take her to scans etc this time. Again SAHM GPs an hour or so away and 60-70 yrs old dont necessarily drive.
The reason im SAHM is i didnt like the nursery, havent been impressed by child minders ive seen.
. I wouldnt resent the other people at the clinic already having kids (unless they force you down the queue) as you dont know what it took to get there.
I thought it was difficult doing ivf while working, but as i dont drive its much harder trying to get a toddler to appts.
I like the idea of a child friendly room.
I realised from these boards a lot of the people at clinics probably already have kids (secondary infertility, second marriage etc, previous icsi)
Isnt ivf expensive enough without paying for additional childcare.. Some couples could do lots more rounds.. At £52 at nursery a day maybe 6 appts per ivf. (Not including lots of transfers, as i only ever had 2 eggs)
I think most people dont take them when there is a choice, how can you concentrate on paperwork
Also having to arrange childcare really adds to the stress, which you dont need at the time eg my Dps were ill and had to cancel so asked DPil and they both wanted to stay the night before my op which i didnt want. I just wanted to relax, ideally i wouldnt have had anyone.
This time my DF has cancer and may be having treatment so may not be able to be around DD
I save GP favours for when they are really needed.
Most people arent intending to upset

After having our son through fertility treatment, when it came to time to look into having a second, we had childcare for our first appointment. It fell through for our second appt and we had no choice but to take him (no family nearby either), but it wasn't too bad as it was a small waiting room near the consultant's office (as opposed to the main waiting area of the clinic for scans/bloods/surgery).

For the following appointments that fell at awkward times, I was able to go on my own, so my husband sat with my son in the hospital cafeteria.

I was always aware it could upset others going through treatment, so we always tried to plan with that in mind. However I think most people understand that childcare can fall through, or be too expensive, or not open at the correct time (my hospital regularly scheduled appointments for 7am onwards). Sometimes unfortunately you will get children at clinics. There's normally also a wall of baby pics! That used to upset me more in a way, though it was also nice to see the clinic's success rate in action.

Every clinic seems to have a wall of bloody baby photos! Grrr.

My nhs and private clinic both have signs up saying no children, I wouldn't expect anyone to bring them unless it was an absolute emergency, I think its pretty hard faced to do it by choice

I have only ever seen it once and that was during the injection teach for my second cycle, a couple were there with a 2 year old, I dont see why he couldn't wait outside with her

My nhs clinic has baby pics but in a book not on the wall, not seen any at the private clinic

I wouldnt expect husband to be outside for injection teaching... i havent done a single 1 yet myself, it hurts and i dont have steady hands for mixing it. Id rather wait outside myself.

When i was having appointments at the NHS infertility clinic, it also did baby scans and gynae appointments for all ages of women and problems. I don't think they should have the same waiting room for pregnant women and women who are =attending the infertility clinic.
When i last went the waiting room was full of pregnant women, some English, the majority foreigners and there were several children running around. An infertility clinic is no place for children.

Unfortunately sometimes you have no choice. I am lucky enough to have 4 children but needed a hysterectomy following the birth of my youngest ds. I had to attend what was labelled as a infertility clinic to see a consultant and have a specialised scan. I have a dd who is not mine by birth though she has been in my care since her birth, who cannot for any reason be separated from me at the moment.
I called and questioned bringing her and was assured it was fine. I really hope her being there didn't upset anyone, I tried to be as low key as possible but I really didn't have a choice.
It is the fault of clinics and hospitals who say that this is ok.
I did think and check though as I would hate to have caused any unnecessary pain. If you can avoid taking children I think you should but in my case it just wasn't possible with my youngest.

Naty it was for a frozen cycle (I'm guessing DD1 was a result of the fresh) so I'm guessing both knew how to administer the injections

I'm lucky I'm fine doing mine thank god, DP does them occasionally though but I prefer to do them, been down regging since May I'm currently losing the will to live....

We had forgotten how to snap off the lids of the water and shattered it over the kitchen in the 2 yrs between cycles

Is the down regging injections? Thats a looong time. Though i hate the nasal spray more every 4 hours i just feel anxious all the time that i will miss one (and OH cant even remember 1 vitamin a day.)

Why so long?

I realised i now have red 'spots' on my stomach from previous injections many months ago.

It's all guesswork though Lauren, they could've been badly let down; perhaps it was not the same partner who'd done the fresh cycle, perhaps it was different types of drugs and they were both recommended to be there.

I live two hours away from my clinic (allocated from when I had NHS treatment). If I get a 7am appointment that my husband is advised to attend, given that we have no family nearby, it is very difficult to find a solution that does not involve taking my son with me - how many people would take him at 5am? As I say we managed it every time but once when we were (fortunately) not in a waiting room with lots of people, but I feel badly enough about that. Over the years though I've seen a lot of children in the waiting room. I'm sure no one takes them there without thinking about alternatives first.

I know it is gutting as I've been there myself. The whole situation isn't ideal for anyone really!

HopefulHamster

No you're right of course, that's why I said above 'unless its an emergency' as of course it could of been, doubt it was different partner though as they were there for a fet so couldnt use embryos from prev partner, as it turns out I don't struggle seeing babies/bumps but I know some ladies really do

Naty I'm having a donor cycle this time due to pof at 29, on my 3rd cycle now 1st with donor eggs, I do find you miss your injections afterwards don't you?

I wouldn't persecute the women who have to bring their children. Highly unlikely they are doing it to make anyone feel bad, and surely it gives hope?

I just have to say, that you don't know peoples stories or backgrounds.

We had donor eggs from a known donor. On the day of egg retrieval, her DH sat with their baby (1yo) whilst they waited for her because the sitter had a sickness bug. Between me and the DH we took it in turns to take care of the baby, as only one of us was allowed in. We had no other option.

All I'm saying is that everyone has a story or reason. Up to that point, donor hadn't brought her child with her.

Saying that, my donor got asked to leave a presentation evening when we first started the process because she had her dd with her. She was breastfeeding at the time and was only there of info purposes but the clinic said it would be too difficult for some couples.

I agree on the off occasion childcare falls through and there's an emergency and an appt that can't be re arranged then fair enough

I personally don't think the donor should of taken a baby to the info evening, I don't think its fair to possibly distress all those people for the needs of one person, that's my personal opinion anyway, I don't think people should of been put in that position at a stressful time for them

Alrernative arrangements should of been made, a lady next to me at a donor seminar filmed bits on her phone as her DP couldn't make it

Breastfeeding to anyone reading I don't want to get into a debate about Breastfeeding with any militant feeders, I have no issue with Breastfeeding in public so please let's not turn it into a BF debate

If you are BF you will need your baby there with you.

Yes someone could wait outside and you could nip out, or you could not attend, I don't think one woman needing to BF a child should trump the feelings if multiple other couples

I only saw one child at a clinic in 5 years of Ivf. It gave me hope that the treatment could work! But yes, lots of kids is insensitive and inappropriate.

I personally don't struggle seeing children and babies, but I know a lot of ladies do

My clinic bans children aND NONE are allowed. Which I think is very fair tbh