Can anyone help me think through whether to do IVF?

[MuffTheMagicDragonButter]

I'm 43, and my blood test results indicate good ovarian reserves. DP's SA gives a good score for mobility and amount, and 15% MAR. I don't know precise numbers for any other tests.

The consultant tells me that the only thing that will boost our chance of conceiving is IVF, but he tells me that at my age one cycle gives a success rate of 10%.

I don't know what to do, I think we've just been hoping it will happen. We can afford IVF (only due to me inheriting some money, we're not wealthy, so we can't look at it as something we can keep doing), but I think of IVF as being hugely stressful and doomed to failure.

Anyone else been in this position? I think part of me is scared to start IVF as I'm raising my hopes when it's so unlikely to work.

Hi girls

That is exactly my dilemma aswell that when we do start the IVF I am well aware they say best of three....if that is the case do you pay the same amount each time?

It then feels like it might be pointless to just have one go at it..but then as you have said Colafrosties it worked first time for you. Out of interest what age were you please as I am 37, fiance 43?

xxxxx

The amount per cycle is roughly the same as you go on, but might vary a bit if they decide to use more/less drugs next time, or ICSI instead of IVF (for an additional charge), or offer you an endometrial scratch to help implantation, etc.

NICE recommends that we should get 3 cycles on the NHS (yeah right), as statistically you have roughly a 30% chance of success per cycle on average (although this varies considerably by age and by clinic), suggesting that after 3 cycles the average person will be pregnant.

Thanks for your advice Eurochick.

Yeah right as you say, I can't even get one as my fiance has kids already!

Thinking back thats what my specialist said about three and it costs 5k plus drugs. There is no way we would be able to afford three cycles.

Just keep hoping the rules will change with the NHS! xxx

At my age I'm nearer to the NHS giving me a zimmer frame than IVF.

Ha ha they would probably make you pay for that! :) x

We have paid about£ 5k for icsi including drugs but i was on the lowest dose so the cost of additional drugs can really put the price up

Was it successful naty1?

Nope (i am 34)
But i have a 2 yr old from a nhs funded cycle when i was 32.
I have pcos and they cant seem to get the drugs quite right.
So my current rate 50% which is about right for my age.

I've dithered whether to have ivf as I'm 40 ttc for 7rs on and off and found out last year that I 99% will never get preg naturally as have blocked tube

Some on here know my history. Ttc with my dh for 4yrs was on nhs ivf list and then he died :( year later met dp and he happy ttc.

Dp has 3 kids all in 20's so I lose my nhs ivf - so unfair :(

Anyway we saved madly and also help of credit card and we start ivf in 2mths time

Gulps

I know as I'm an older bird the odds of me getting preg are low and ivf will cost £5/6k but have to try and all I want is to be a mum

Friends get preg by accident and some even have abortions as 'forgot' their pill - how come they get preg and I / we don't :(

Anyway good luck with all x

Yes, very hard to stop trying once you start. I did four rounds of IVF last year (inc. one cancelled cycle). I am about to try again at a better clinic. I feel like if I quit now, then all the money I have spent is wasted. But if I do just one more cycle and get my baby, then all the money will be worth it. And of course the main reason I keep going - I want a baby!

I am 36 and already have a low AMH so I feel I need to go aggressive now before it's too late. You might have a different attitude though at 43 and have to do what feels right for you.

I thought that IVF over 40 using your own eggs had no higher rate of success than trying naturally in people of otherwise normal fertility? If it's free and offers significantly higher chance of success then fine, otherwise I would personally prefer natural as it is not clinical/intrusive. I conceived naturally at 43, birth at 44. We are discussing having another but just leaving it up to nature again, que sera sera. I realise we were lucky but I also feel like IVF is being overly touted these days. Why not give it a few months of strict healthy diet, charting ovulation and so on... i.e. give the natural method a proper try and then you will be better set up to conceive with IVF anyway.

That's interesting snowqu33n, I didn't know that.

I've been using OPKs and shagging at the right time.

We are probably confusing you all the more with all our personal stories and opinions Muff! Are you any more decided on what journey you will take?!?!

If you're asking the question then you probably really know the answer. It's an emotional point and there is no right or wrong and no-one can tell you what to do, but I do agree with the posts that say to think how you would feel in years time if you hadn't tried. Personally, I have been through the same thought process and decided against it. I couldn't bear the thought of giving in to my hormones and wanting so badly to conceive that I would fall apart if it didn't work. So I decided to thank my lucky stars for what I have - least of all a loving lovely husband - I have many friends stuck in loveless marriages because they married because they had met the potential father of their children rather than the love of their lives. I'm aware of my age and my body clock, but every day I am grateful for what I do have rather than stressing about what I don't. Good luck...

I'm in a slightly different position with my ivf experience. I had lots of unexplained miscarriages after DS(9) in my early 30 and then got sick from steroids I was given for them so we moved onto gestational surrogacy and did IVF twice for that. I was 32 at the time of having tests in the beginning of the process and my numbers came back bad as far as hormone levels and follicle count go they basically told me my numbers were like someone 10 y older. They gave us 15% change of each cycle working and said they weren't going to tell us not to do it but ... I came out in shock since having conceived but miscarried every time we tried for 10 times I though I was fertile but couldn't carry the pregnancy . We decided to give it 3 goes and then think about donor egg. By a miracle it only took 2 cycles and our lovely surrogate conceived both times but lost the first one very early on . Dd is 2 soon and fast a sleep next to me. I didn't find IVF as bad as I'd heard physically or mentally but I guess I was more positive about it and less anxious because it was going to go into a healthy woman who'd had several children of her own and no losses like me. Well long story short were now trying for one more and apparently am even less fertile since no luck what so ever for the last 4 cycles trying naturally but using opk. Next step I think will be IVF but on myself . Am feeling apprehensive due to my history but feel like I have to do all the different steps and we can't go for the surrogacy right now anyway. I hope you can make a decision that you can live with . With our second child I'd done anything after 10 mc to have a baby and now have the yearning again for just one more and clock is ticking . I don't want regrets of not trying in 10 y . Good luck :)!

Sorry, I know I look like I'm really dithering!

Some decisions have been made: no adoption, donor eggs or donor sperm.

I'd never wanted children until I met my DP, so this yearning for (another) baby isn't something I thought I'd really feel.

The indecisiveness is largely due to my DP's stance. As I've said, he's much less keen on the idea of IVF than me, I think for him that tips the balance as to whether he even would want a second child. It's causing difficulties in our relationship, this need to decide very soon, and the statistics for IVF are so against us he just feels it's a huge expense and upheaval for next to no chance.

It's also complicated a little by the distance we live from ARGC, who have the best results. We're in Northern Ireland, so the logistics of travelling for the appointments and treatment are challenging. As the stats are already so against us I feel we should go to the place that maximises that chance, but can't see how it would work.

My period is due in a few days (had forgotten Feb only has 28 days so was thinking I am nearly late, grr), I'm going to see what happens and then talk to DP again.

Its an impossible choice really unless you can see into the future.
I'm torn between a natural IVF or a full on IVF. I can afford one round of IVF or 2 natural rounds.
Good luck which ever way you go.

Which Glasgow clinic are you talking about Muff? If it's GCRM, I can PM you.

Yes please. GCRM now has a Belfast clinic, I gather they were originally a satellite operation but people still had to travel to Glasgow for the actual procedure, whereas now you can have all your treatment in the Belfast venue.

Just to add to a positive story, my 40something friend who did a hardcore regime at ARGC (and was on the 5am train up from the country to the London clinic for 7am blood tests a lot of the time) I mentioned upthread texted last night and her remaining embryo is still going strong. So strong that it's actually twins. They are going for their 12 week scan next week. Still a long way to go but they never thought they'd get this far.

Muff Going back to your question about whether those who only did one cycle would have done more, I think it's hard to answer. Before I started treatment it was a categorical No for me. I wanted to give it one shot and then move on if it didn't work. But then if DD hadn't worked out, I'd have had 8 frozen embryos to think about (still do actually and it's making my decision about what to do for a second quite hard!). The NHS would have given me 2 frozen cycles as part of my funding so I expect we probably would have done those and then stopped. It's hard and it's emotionally draining, but then so is TTC naturally when it's not happening.

Good luck with making a decision. Whatever you decide to do, I found Mumsnet threads very, very supportive and a good place to talk and vent when I didn't really want to talk to anyone in real life about it. Not even DH sometimes!