great article about the negative effects of lap dancing

[YoureGorgeous]

in todays times
for all those" ooh its empowering" freaks people thats me in the pic

I can't see the pic for some reason OP. Sure you are lovely looking though or else you'd be out on your ear

I don't really have a problem with the girls that need to do this. I understand the flaunt it while you've got it idea and good on them, as long as they are happy. I personally wouldn't find it "empowering" because men dribbling over anything they like doesn't do it for me. Men aren't always very picky so it could be me, the girl next to me with the "hint of cellulite" (as the article so politely differentiated her) or some girl with one eye that the punters probably haven't noticed because, let's face it, that's not what they are looking at. Young women today do seem to have a squiffy view on what "empowerment" means! Hardly what their grannies burnt their bras for, is it?

What I do worry about is that many uni students are turning to it as an extra source of income. They have lessons for it up and down the country for hen do's and pics in the paper of the local girls at the Uni who do it as a "hobby" (er, yeah right. Like they aren't learning it to make money from it, are people that naive?!). Also the girls shipped in from abroad to make money for the club owners and don't have as many rights as the UK girls.

Anyone else watch the programme about the 19yr old with a kid who was using it to fund her degree, ended up living with her professor (who very kindly installed a pole in her living room for her to practice) and was simply so angry and appalled at men? I nearly cried when she said "to be honest men are all just animals. I know, I've seen what they are capable of. And that could be your husband." Poor girl, to have lost any sense of a decent man by the tender age of 19 :( Oh and the professor dumped her after giving her a 2:2 rather than the 2:1 he had promised.

Sorry for the long and prob not v. coherent post, just read a few posts, not whole thread and it piqued my interest :)

Oh and I've been to Stringfellows and a few others Openminded.

I meant to say as well that a girl I know danced locally and now feels she must move away from the area to get a real job after Uni. She is scared stiff someone will recognise her and wherever she works her part time funding through Uni may be discovered. She knows it was her own choice but at the time felt it was "empowering" until she simply had enough of the impolite and often grabby clients. She says she knew that they never respected her or her body and that actually did more damage to her than good.

"If lapdancing clubs get closed down it will disproportionately negatively affect women. What you are doing is, therefore, by the legal definition, sexist!"

eh? How?

Im a man, when younger i went to literally 1 or 2 Lapdancing bars in foreign places and 1 pub in the uk similar to the one in the article the one in the uk was not off the beaten track and it was oppressive, seedy and even at 18 i felt it very threatening

its not glam, not big,not clever.

it is demeaning to all involved and not just the girls as a "punter" you sacrifice a little self respect everytime you go. i can only imagine what having some middle aged sweaty punters hands all over you to earn your living does to your self worth

only a fool would say that all the girls in all the bars are there free of choice and that it is empowering for them however it would be equally as foolish to say that no girl is there through free choice

having grown up a little (but not much)i can now see its not the activity its self that lends to to seedyness and corruption its the fact that we as a society allow it to be controlled by criminals and the morally corrupt by brushing it under the carpet and not controlling it properly we keep most of the sex industry at arms length and see it as something that must be ignored

who are we to hold a referendum and say that no woman should be allowed to do this for a living? who are we to say that no man is allowed to attend? its not something that appeals to me anymore but there are many that it does. in circumstances where they are genuine consenting adults its their choice and no one elses. it happens and it will always happen regardless of if its legal, illegal or a mixture of both. theres people who will always want it and there will be people who will always be prepared to supply it

is the best way to ensure it is not a haven for human trafficking, exploitation, funding for criminal gangs or funding for the vulnerable to feed habits to embrace it and ensure it is supplied in a correct legal and safe way...even if some people are offended by simply knowing it exists?

i would like to clarify that im not saying its currently all fine and hunckydorry but common sense would dictate there must be clubs where its done in a legitimate fashion.

i shall now stand back and await the inevitable man bashing....you can get that for the right price as well btw

I have never been to a lapdancing club but my DH has as part of a stag night. He didn't like it there. While the tittilTion aspect was OK he just found that the women there seemed dehumanised like robots. There was no sense that you could talk to them or do chit-chat at all. His unease was further compounded when the stag's BILs-to-be did not leave the club afterwards.

I think that lapdancing is seen as a clean and safe front for all manner of sex work.

BTW the stag in question would have been MUCH happier playing Lazerquest and eating pizza rather than spending it in a lapdancing bar.

I am so concerned. My 19 year old daughter, who is studying acting, has called me and said that she has started working on a lap dancing club. My daughter is an intelligent, witty, clever, feminist who previously was a staunch defender of women's rights. She was the first to stick to the No means no principle, and was very against the world that promoted women as sexual objects.

Now, because she is motivated by not borrowing money to study for her BA in Performing Arts (Acting, Singing and Dancing) she has started this work. She has explained it makes a lot of money and that she will be able to pay off her student fees completely. That puts her into a position of no debt at the end of her studies and being acting, she knows that generating an income won't be that easy.

We have a good relationship and I've reacted by saying I don't like it and why it isn't good for her mental health and self respect, but that I want to continue an open communication with her because she needs my support right now. She said ok. She has said she doesn't like it but it's worth the money. She can handle it. I should trust her. She is safe.

I am not re assured.

I have come here to Mums net because I'm looking for advice. I am going out of my mind with worry, but can't discuss this with anyone I know. My husband doesn't like it either but seems to have checked out on the subject. I've asked him to talk to her but he hasn't done so..he says oh yes I will but hasn't.

Is there anyone else who has had this situation? What the hell do I do?

HELP.

I can't give you any advice on your problem, but I can point you in the right direction on the site. You won't get too many responses here as this is a zombie thread.
I would suggest you might want to repost the above in either Feminism chat as you say DD was feminist or in Relationships. You should get some good responses in those places.

We have a good relationship and I've reacted by saying I don't like it and why it isn't good for her mental health and self respect, but that I want to continue an open communication with her because she needs my support right now. She said ok. She has said she doesn't like it but it's worth the money. She can handle it. I should trust her. She is safe.

Well, you could try to use the argument that it makes men feel justified in treating women as objects. Even if she doesn't have to deal with the worst consequences of that, she promotes the attitude.

But likely, she will only stop doing it when she realizes she can't deal with it anymore. Since you have made it clear that she has your support, I think she'll tell you when that happens. So ... I have no advice to give, you handle this quite well.

BTW the stag in question would have been MUCH happier playing Lazerquest and eating pizza rather than spending it in a lapdancing bar.

Why did he go to that bar, then?
Did literally all of his friends know him so badly that they insisted on dragging him there?