Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

News

Woman tweets about miscarriage.

115 replies

NickNemo · 04/11/2009 18:29

Link here

Apologies if this topic is already being discussed.

I am a bit at this. Is this taking twitter addiction too far? IMO, its such an incredibly personal thing and to tweet about miscarriage is like rubbing it into the faces of women who cannot have a baby. Especially as she's saying she's happy about it too!

OP posts:

Report

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 15:30

Well I don't think the woman in question is like that! Her posts about her terminations don't suggest anything of the sort.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 15:32

Duelling - If you look back I am non judging her at all for her feelings. I had a miscarriage and at that stage of my life it was no big deal, - mainly because at the time I had other more pressing things to worry about. I have no idea what the due date was etc etc. At a different stage of my life it would have affected me differently.

I am simply saying that her AS will have contributed to her not understanding that she might get a negative response to her tweet. Especially in America, which does tend to dish out christian morals quite freely.

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 15:44

can you link me to the posts about her terminations? I would be interested to read them.

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 15:46

Oh found it, am reading now....

BellaBonJovi · 05/11/2009 15:49

This has to be a wind-up/publicity stunt/ troll surely?

I don't believe any of it (at least what she said on Twitter).

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 15:50

OK - so her first pregnancy she didn't know she was pregnant as she was still having bleeding every month. We know that can happen right?

she says

"I felt absolutely sick that I was going to kill a baby. And, now that I know more about being a mother, I understand that hormones had already kicked in to make me want to keep the baby. We left. No abortion."

and

"People think abortion is such an easy choice?they say, ?Don?t use abortion as birth control.? Any woman who has had one will tell you how that is such crazy talk. Because an abortion is terrible. You never stop thinking about the baby you killed. You never stop thinking about the guy you were with when you killed the baby you made with him. You never stop wondering.

So the second time I got pregnant, I thought of killing myself. My career was soaring. I was 30 and I felt like I had everything going for me ? great job, great boyfriend, and finally, for the first time ever, I had enough money to support myself. I hated that I put myself in the position of either losing all that or killing a baby."

and

"I got two abortions to preserve my career. To keep my options open. To keep my aspirations within reach.

I bought into the idea that kids undermine your ability to build an amazing career.

And here I am, with the amazing career.

But also, here I am with two kids. So I know a bit about having kids and a career. And I want to tell you something: You don?t need to get an abortion to have a big career. Women who want big careers want them because something deep inside you drives you to change the world, lead a revolution, break new barriers.

It doesn?t matter whether you have kids now or later, because they will always make your career more difficult. There is no time in your life when you are so stable in your work that kids won?t create an earthquake underneath that confidence."

or am I reading the wrong thing?

Becasue she sounds like someone who knew what a difficult thing she was doing to me.

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 15:52

I think you are all giving her too much of a hard time because of your own feelings about abortion and perceptions of career women.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 15:54

Sorry my post about her terminations which came after your post was actually in response to the one saying she was like the person the poster knew who had three abortions before she was 20. I was saying she wasn't like that.

BunnyLebowski · 05/11/2009 15:57

Nice use of the biscuit DF

Actually I'm not judging her for being glad to have had a miscarriage or for planning an abortion. I'm pro choice.

What I think is appalling is broadcasting it on her social networking site. To me that's inappropriate and incredibly self-indulgent (as I think most blogs are) and nobody needs to read about it. Same goes for your 'waiting to miscarry' post imo I'm afraid.

It's the 'look at me look at me' mentality that this woman clearly owns I object to.

BellaBonJovi · 05/11/2009 15:58

DF - are you suggesting none of the other posters on here are career women, and they are all anti-abortion?

Of course people will get upset by this - it's a hugely emotive subject and many of us have had terminations/MC or are TTC. Or just have dc and all the maternal emotions that go along with that.

This is publicity stunt which has caused much anguish to many readers.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 16:03

I'm not judging her at all. I don't think she saud anything wrong. Just think tweeting about it was bound to cause a response of this sort - but that she may not have predicted that because of her AS.

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 16:19

"What I think is appalling is broadcasting it on her social networking site. To me that's inappropriate and incredibly self-indulgent (as I think most blogs are) and nobody needs to read about it. Same goes for your 'waiting to miscarry' post imo I'm afraid"

Ah well, I suppose any kind of writing about yourself or your opinion in a public place could be seen as incredibly self-indulgent

I suppose blogs are not the same as private diaries. Writing my blog during my miscarriage actually helped me to keep sane, though I have to say I kept a lot of what I wrote private so maybe not the same as this woman.

"DF - are you suggesting none of the other posters on here are career women, and they are all anti-abortion?"

no but I do think the vitriol towards her is a bit over the top to be honest. If it's not because of personal anti-abortion views or misconceptions about career women then maybe it comes from teh spin put on the article linked to and the way they have described her as writing about her 'joy'.

I can't see why someone would get personally upset after reading another woman's tweet abou her own miscarriage. Upset about their own situation but upset about the woman in question - I think that's a bit odd personally.

If people are upset by the tweet then why then follow it up by reading her blog etc?

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 16:24

to be frank if I found myself pregnant now I would be horrified (that's why dh has had the snip - it wasn't done on a whim) and in such a situation a miscarriage would be a relief. I'm not sure I quite understand the vitriol from some towards her relief either.

HeSaysSheSays · 05/11/2009 16:26

DF, for me, reading her blog actually helped my view of her...or at least shook my conviction of how her tweet was meant.

I am actually coming round a bit now - having read the words from a different POV I can see how it could just as easily be a rant about abortion more than a boast about her MC IYSWIM, how you take it does depend on how you read it.

The fact that someone who had such awful ecperience of abortion allowed herself to be in this position again...another matter for another thread I feel.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 16:30

Well it's hard to judge that knowing she has AS tbh. Lack of self care skills being a big feature.

HeSaysSheSays · 05/11/2009 16:31

I agree, like I said, a different matter alltogether.

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 16:59

I apologise in advance for going on about this but I kind of have a bee in my bonnet about this.

here is the same woman blogging about miscarrying a baby she very much wanted to have.

I just think that it is possible for a woman to choose to have an abortion at one time and then to desparately want to have a successful pregnancy at another time and that it's also not right for others (or indeed the woman herself) to throw blame or judgement about regarding those two different things/wants/decisions. We have long lives, we make decisions based upon what is best for us and our loved ones, what we decide to do one year may be completely different to what we decide to do the next and there's no point beating ourselves up (or being beaten up by other people) over things which happened in the past.

As someone who has had an abortion but is now struggling to have a baby I would be really disappointed if people were judging me over that past termination. Also I don't waste time thinking of what might have been in a past life with a different partner and a different set of circumstances.

When I miscarried I miscarried a much wanted baby. When I had a termination it was partly because I didn't want/couldn't cope with a baby at that time. I viewed it differently and this woman, being pissed off with having to jump through hoops for an abortion, is in my opinion allowed to feel some kind of relief about the fact she miscarried.

this blog of hers is also worth reading together with the comments left.

BellaBonJovi · 05/11/2009 17:09

From my reading of this thread, DF, what upsets people - and quite rightly so, IMO, is to publicly post the details of your miscarriage in such a way as to imply you are happy about it.

I am as certain as I can be that this was meant to shock and meant to get as much publicity as it has, in order to make a point about the availability of abortion in Wisconsin or wherever.

Or she's just deranged.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 17:17

I don't agree bella. If you don't want a baby to the extent that you book a termination then of course a miscarriage is going to be a relief. Add in asperger's and you lose a social filter and so it gets broadcast.

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 17:19

She didn't just post saying she was happy about the miscarriage - that's the spin the newspaper article put on it - rather that she was happy that it meant she could avoid a long wait for an abortion and indeed avoid an abortion alltogether.

The way I read it (and from reading her blog) is that anyone who has chosen to have an abortion might actually feel some kind of relief if they started to miscarry before having to have the abortion. At the very least it means a woman may well not need any surgical procedure, that they loss of the foetus happens 'naturally' rather than being forced IYSWIM? Particularly if they have had abortions before. Seems like she would have been very relieved not to have that wait and not to have that procedure.

tweeting about it - maybe not such a good move. Am not sure where this idea came from that it was for publicity though.

I do agree that it was her frustration about the abortion laws in Wisconsin that led her to post what she did on twitter and maybe doing so does seem a bit crass.

Personally I believeI should be allowed to twitter about all my bodily functions if I want to. At the same time I do appreciate that other people are entitled to find it a bit icky.

Anyway - apologies again. I will go and Blog like a maniac about this to get it out of my system

BellaBonJovi · 05/11/2009 17:21

I don't think you need to apolgise, DF.

Leave us a few hobnobs though, okay?

saintlydamemrsturnip · 05/11/2009 17:41

I agree DF.

wahwah · 05/11/2009 18:38

I am a bit stunned at the vileness on this thread.
Why the fuck can't she say what she said? If I was waiting for a termination then I would be happier to miscarry. So what if she tweeted it. I've tweeted far less interesting stuff.

People here need to get over themselves.

rasputin · 05/11/2009 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo · 05/11/2009 22:16

teo different babies. It really is possible for a person to be completely sane and sorted and to make one decision to terminate at one time in their life and another decision to go ahead with a pregnancy at another time in her life. Really it is.

I don't think there is any need to somehow make excuses for what are perfectly rational, if difficult, decisions.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.