not sure what to think of this

[2shoes]

poor couple
but i do hope it is never allowed over here

I hope this will become legal too.Have seen too much suffering to object to it

I hope that when I get old and should I ever be in a situation where I will be a drain on my family and/or there will be no quality of life I could be brave enough to agree to something like this ...

Can't really understand the unease - isn't just another step to the whole living will, DNR instructions ...

I don't know. I have a terrible fear that if it becomes common for elderly people to do this to save their children's inheritance, then someone like my MIL who is still capable of having a good quality of life and has all her marbles, would feel it was her duty to do it too. We are having enough trouble already persuading her to spend the assets she has on nursing costs rather than trying to soldier on without help in order to save our inheritance. We don't want the bloody inheritance if it's to be bought at that price. I'd rather spend my own assets to buy her another 10 years of good quality of life. She is worth more to us alive and well cared for than any assets ever could be. But try to drive that into the head of a pig-headed 82-year-old!

I think people underestimate the will to live that exists in most of us and how bad things have to be to consider something like this.When I was on dialysis there were so many much older people 80 plus who endured the dialysis every other day with no real chance of a transplant yet all with an incredible will to keep going and in a lot of cases have a good if altered life.It really has to be bad to consider this and it should be an option rather than some haphazard diy attempt with pills etc and an unsuccessful outcome which may leave the person in worse physical shape.better to say goodbye with joy and dignity and above all choice

Well, it is very hard, because when you see people suffering you do so want it to stop.

And noddy has a good point too. Still, I do wonder if the will to live isn't cultural to some extent. In Ancient Rome it was generally held that people ought to commit suicide when they ended up in a situation where they could no longer live with dignity: if they were ill and infirm, if they were a burden on others, if they lost a battle or if they fell out of favour with the emperor. There are well recorded instances of people who didn't want to die, or who were frightened of suicide, but who were pressurised into it by family members (see the famous Arria Paetus story). But most stories concern people who took it for granted that they would follow the cultural norm and commit suicide when it was expected.

So what I'm saying is, this enormous will to live may be partly culturally decided: we know we are expected to live at all costs. If that expectation changed, then pressures might change too.

One thing it did mean in Ancient Rome was that people who clung on to life were despised. And that there was enormous social pressure for the infirm to take the dignified way out. SO someone who followed their enormous will to live might have rather an unhappy life.

Just a thought.

Herbietea - that is so very very sad about your Nan - I agree with everything you (and your son) say in your post.

I hope you can try and remember all the nice times when she was happy and well as I try to do with my own Gran. X

I think all of the money you accumulate should go on your nursing care in old age - we come into this world naked with nothing and I don't see why we should expect to go out being able to leave a ton of cash and property to our children.

I think that if we tackled pain management properly then people wouldn't be so afraid of dying in agony.

I think if we had amazing hospice care and support then people again would not be so afraid of death.

If we actually had proper discussions about death and dying and made our care for the end of our lives fantastic fewer people would want to do this.

Too many see old age and infirmity as an embarassment and something to be avoided. We are too proud and want to maintain so much control

If only we looked after our elderly the same way we do our tiny babies - with dignity and respect and a child-centred/person-centred ethos.

The problem is, pallitative care is just not good enough. While we would like to think that, come the worse, 'just pump me full of morphine and let me drift away through the last months', the reality is there is no adequate way of dealing with the pain. Morphine makes you incredibly constipated, one of the reasons it's use is restricted. You can cause as many problems as you solve with pain relief.

My sister was only 27 when she died. She kept going to the bitter end, but spent the last two months asking to be put out of her misery. She knew there was no hope. All she had was unendurable pain. What good would have prolonging her life done? If she had been allowed to take her own life when she was ready to do so, she would have had a good death. She would have been spared the pain and we would have been spared the memory of two months of helplesness watching he suffer needlessly.

You had better make sure you spend it all before you need any nursing or personal care, FAQ, because you won't be allowed to spend ANY of it then. Social services will have all of it, and you will have to sell your home. You will be allowed a maximum of £10 per week to spend on things like birthday cards, stamps, newspaper etc. You won't be allowed enough to buy gifts.

It is worth knowing that if you are self funding (in terms of care home fees) you pay around £2000 per month more than the state pays for those who are not self funding, so the savings, and the proceeds from your home get eaten up very quickly.

Most nursing homes are pretty grim - the staff are paid minimum wage - only the most expensive ones are reasonable - £900 per week in London. (IME)

It is so depressing, I would rather avoid any of it if at all possible - I would rather go with dignity while I still had my faculties TBH.

So sorry to read about your sister slug. I too lost a sibling under similar circumstances

slug
I was dsadly relieved that my poor old dad went quickly.