"Children 'damaged' by materialism" (BBC). Probably, but what can be done about it?

[Bluebutterfly]

The problem is that in our consumerist culture it is almost impossible to get away from this problem, is it not? What do MNers think?

The greatest threat to our children's childhood and mental health are parents who allow themselves to be reduced to a powerless state of anxiety and paranoia by these ENDLESS SURVEYS.

yes agree with 100 a survery of 1,255 hardly the majority of the population is it.

I've just finished Not Buying It too - found it very interesting.

GooseyLoosey - my parents weren't overly materialistic, but we were "the poor people" in a very affluent area, so I think they got a lot of stick as well as us kids (though I don't ever remember being picked on for my clothes). I think my attitudes are not so much from my parents as a reaction to the attitudes of my peers tbh.

I think the fact that "shopping" is portrayed as a hobby and a legitimate leisure activity says a lot about how materialistic we are as a society - it's inextricably linked to feelings of wellbeing and happiness. Rather than, say, reading, or exercising, or singing, etc.

Respectfully, goseyloosey, I disagree.

I think the anti-consumerist 'movement' is driven my various groups of people, but not specifically the older generation. I also think there are many good reasons not to consume in excess (obviously a very subjective term, but anyway...)

Environmental reasons: The more we consume, the more we make plastic, the more coal we use, the more we burn, the more trees we cut down, the more chemicals we use, the more we throw away, the more goes into landfill...etc

Social justice reasons: Much of our consumption is at the expense of workers in developing countries, who's cheap labour enbable us to buy three vests for £1, or whatever.

Closer to home, materialism undermines social values where people are valued for their character, rather that their possessions.

Financially: The more we consume the less we have to spend generously and help others.

Relational reasons: The more we spend, the longer our work hours, the less time we have to devote to relationships.

Greed: The more you have, the more you want, which feeds all of the above.

More controversially (but no less importantly imo): Humans are designed to love and serve God and others, not money, and you can't do both.

Rampant consumerism is a very recent phenomenon. When I was at school in the 70s, there just weren't any designer labels, mobiles, computers, etc. We shopped for our clothes at jumble sales, in the main, and no one sneered about our choice of clothing/gadgetry.

It's much harder for parents to fight the tide, these days.

It's maybe not representative 100x, but maybe that's beside the point? Just because the majority of the population spend a lot of time and money on new things doesn't necessarily mean it has a positive effect on children in the long term?

No it's not. It just isn't Desi, I really disagree.

Why is everyone so passive about everything? I hate this helplessness in the face of society and surveys. It drives me mad.

We make up society, we govern our lives, we influence our children. We are responsible, for everything.

I try to limit the 'stuff' we have,b ut we do have a tv, and a nicely decorated house, and lots of toys. I regularly cull them and send them to charity - only keeping the really good ones with educational value or imagination. And I rarely keep (and never buy) ones that are just noisy and do nothing else. I don't go 'shopping' often with the kids - far too stressful in my view!

In fact, one day i had a shopping trip arragned wtih my mum and said to DD1 that we were going shopping. She responded with - but why? I'm sure Gran will has food in her house already. So at least I know shopping is not viewed by her as a leisure activity!!

I do worry though about how much they have, but think it is hard to resist hte urge to 'provide' for your children. I.e. we had not central heating when I was little, it did me no harm, but I wouldn't dream of having a freezing cold house (LOL the rest of my family think we do already though!)

100x, the survey is about what people 'fear' anyway. It's a random test of feeling. Just a talking point, really, to kick start a discussion. There's nothing 'authoritative' about it (as if these things ever are!)

I haven;t read the whole thread as I;m at work. I'll have a look later but i have to say I had zero sympathy for the woman on the news last night who was having a whinge while her daughter ate breakfast while watching tv! wtf??? and she had a tv in her room. take responsibility for your own kids ffs.

Hmm. My parents weren't very materialistic, and I am definitely not materialistic- we have a house we can hardly afford, but I love it, and it is next door to my dad, so we made the stretch. We have old cars (I never see the point in new cars- mine is a skip the whole time, and they just depreciate!)I'm not very interested in clothes and fashion- I spend most of my time walking dogs and running after kids! If I do buy clothes they are cheap and practical. I don't wear make-up or bother with my hair (I sound really attractive, don't I??!!) On the other hand, when it comes to my kids....I buy them far too much! If they ask for something I do usually refuse, cos I hate the whole pester thing. But left to my own devices I see things and think "Oh, they would love that!" And I like them to be nicely dressed (although don't buy them expensive clothes, they have a lot)They get to watch cbeebies and occas dh lets them watch Nick jr, where I am amazed at how quick they are to say "I want that!" on the stength of the adverts. My 4 yo already wants to wear nail polish and lipstick (??!!!) because apparently some kids come to nursery with them on (a teacher confirmed this!!) I am desperately trying to teach her that appearances are secondary, and have never praised her for being pretty etc, but I do worry about this attitude, and I can see myself and her having real battles down the line. Thankfully dd2 is a bit of a tomboy, and seems to be less easily influenced. Dh is a bit more materialistic than me- when we met I used to take the rip out of him for his designer clothes (which he can no longer afford- haha!)He would probably let the kids have the latest trainers etc so that they didn't feel left out at school, but I think the prices are a bit ridiculous. My plan when they reach that stage is to cough up the amount for a reasonable pair of trainers and if they want to earn the rest by doing chores etc, then they can put it to the pair they want, but I don't think I will give in to the "but everyone else has them!" arguement. Not looking forward to it though!

I agree hatwoman.

And that's what annoys me Sue is that these surveys are presented as news. They spoke in grave and sincere tones on the news last night about the amount of teenagers who own mobile phones. It's positively luddite.

I have a great dislike of the Daily Mail kick back too. The whole of society is going to hell in a handcart, we are all awful craven people, children are mentally unwell, mothers are all depressed, there are no values in society.

And parents buy into it, all the time. Open the windows, go for a walk, cheer up!

And not only is everyone depressed and utterly passive and miserable in the society which apparently they are not a part of or unable to change BUT now the anti-depressants they have been pedalling through GP's surgeries for the last ten years DON'T WORK.

There was a survey. It was on the news.

[head spins]

Ah yes, 100X. I agree that there's something we can all do. I'm just acknowledging that we face different pressures as parents then our own parents did.

I'm not materialistic anyway, so I can't personally envisage having any difficulties telling my son, NO. But I do realize that when he starts school, things will change. But yes, we should rise to the challenge .. all of us, and teach our kids that it's decidedly uncool to be chasing the latest must-have.

Peer pressure produces the 'must have' I think, much more so than advertising, certainly in older children.

And peer pressure was certainly around in my day [old crone emoticon].

fwiw, 100x, I completely agree that there's no need to be so passive about it. But that's a the consumerist mindset, isn't it?

Have rules about what they can have and stick to it

Point out where advertising is misleading

Don't let them watch tv with ads

Needmorecoffee I wouldnt be that bothered about peer pressure at 13, it is at primary level where I think you can head it off

I like some stuff though

adn dont think there is much wrong with wanting a nintendo ds if you are 8

I don't know if it is. I don't think consumerism is a terrible evil to be honest. It's just convenient to see it as such.

I think debt is, and misery and having a gaping hole in your life that you don't know how to fill - so you shop, or you drink, or you do drugs or you eat too much or you exercise obsessively or you clean your house too much or you take up God or you sleep around or you go and live in a commune or you never leave your house.

The human condition is complicated and complex, and always has been - and there are many different responses to it.

The Nintendo DS is just the rubix cube, or the wooden hoop or the train set or the Action Man with movable eyes of its day.

I have 4 dcs between 4 and 14 years old. Particularly because we are fairly financially comfortable we have always tried hard to encourage them to step back a bit from consumer culture and not to be sucked into the latest crazes, gadget-envy, designer label clothes etc. They aren't social outcasts in wierd clothes, but they know they aren't going to be bought wiis (?sp), Nike sports wear, desirable phones etc.

Seems to be working so far. None of them winge for the latest thing even though they know we could afford it.

Conversely it saddens me when I see for example a young mother maybe from the wrong side of the tracks pushing what i know to be a £500 pram containing a designer clad baby. What's that all about ? There must surely be a happy medium between salvaging a knackered Maclaren buggy from a tip, and pushing a really expensive item that's not really affordable for a particular family.

lol you curmudgeon

its much more revolutionary than a rubiks cube

I agree entirely with enid. My kids don't watch ads, and ds1 takes the line that 'everyone likes different things' which he trots out at school if someone says 'you don't have football cards' or whatever the latest thing is.

children don't need computer games or new clothes and gimmickey plastic tat. they just need the freedom to be able to go out and play with their mates.

I imagine alot of parents are scared to let them out so just buy crap to keep them in.

agree that if you are comfortable financially it is easier to avoid materialism

also middle class circles tend to eschew the whole thing anyway

I am practically a CHAV in some local mums circles because my dd1 has a ds