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Original poster

How could you do this to a child you have raised from the age of 4 months??

32 replies

Freckle · 14/12/2007 10:26

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article3048747.ece?EMC-Bltn=M3XYK4

Can you imagine what that poor little girl is going through, suddenly being abandoned by the only parents she has ever known at the age of 7??

It smacks of a whim on the part of the "parents" to adopt a local child, but the reality didn't match their vision, so they dump her. Truly awful.

OP posts:
mummymagic · 14/12/2007 10:30

Truly horrible.

bethoo · 14/12/2007 10:34

how bloody awful.
seems that after she had her own children they did not want the adopted one. she is gorgeous.

camillathechicken · 14/12/2007 10:39

you just cannot play fast and loose with a child's life like that....incredibly sad . i hope that this little girl finds the unconditional love and acceptance with another family.

am at a supermodel also doing the same thing.. i wonder if it is more common than we would like to believe

mishytoeandwine · 14/12/2007 10:40

Very and makes me that they can just "want to give her back"! Perhaps, she will be better off with another family who can love and nurture her and help her overcome her "bonding issues"! Poor little thing!

Original poster
Freckle · 14/12/2007 10:43

It is clearly total rubbish that she wasn't able to adapt to Western lifestyle. If she was raised within that culture from the age of 4 months, it will be all she has ever known.

And how bright - she speaks English, Cantonese and Dutch and they said she couldn't communicate with them.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 14/12/2007 10:47

If the child has the 'bonding problems' described in the piece, then she needs treating with patience, kindness and love.

This will devastate her, I'm sure.

Poor little mite.

Although better for her to be with a family that truly want her, and hoping that family is found soon.

PeachyHasAFiggyPudInTheOven · 14/12/2007 10:47

I couldn't leave a child I'd ahd care fo for five blood yminutes- every time my sister (ex nanny) took on a new family I'd murn her old charge for weeks!.

FIL was abandoned (literally- in public) by his Mum as a toddler. In the alst few weeks he ahs found out the name of his Mum etc and seems to be slowly coming to terms with it, but I just can't conceive how anyone could do that. DS1's SN and violence mean that boarding is a very viable option for him post 11 but I simply cannot even do that, kids are precious and should be cherished.

Oblomov · 14/12/2007 10:48

bethoo, they had an older son and a younger child.

Kathyate6mincepies · 14/12/2007 10:51

I am witholding judgement because all we have got to go on here is a single news report with most of the negative stuff about the family consisting of comments quoted from another discussion board, rather than proper reporting.

ChorusLineMistletoeAndWine · 14/12/2007 10:54

Peachy how awful for FIL

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 14/12/2007 10:57

it's wrong, wrong, wrong. . If this has been their biological child they couldn't have just given her away when she became difficult, so why should it be any different with an adopted child?

My dh's boss at his last company did this. she adopted an 18 month old little girl, then when she was two she was dx with some sn (don't know what) and within weeks this woman returned her to social services because "her behavior was upsetting to our biological child", .

ninedragons · 14/12/2007 11:01

I've been hoping there's some aspect to the story that hasn't come out yet. Some relations of my husband's adopted an older sibling pair, one of whom turned out to be a diagnosed psychopath (the local authority failed to mention that at any stage ) who (literally) tried to murder his sibling several times. They had to fight for quite a long time to get the authority to admit that this kid's psychiatric problems were far too serious for him to have been adopted out to an unsuspecting family. Eventually they relented and took him back, and the remaining child has blossomed.

So I know adoptions do go wrong, but this all seems very weird. The reasons they've given so far are just bizarre - she doesn't like their food? WTF has she been eating for seven years?

moljam · 14/12/2007 11:02

awful-poor little girl.

peachy at your fil.
and as you said children are precious and should be cherised.

SantasSmartArse · 14/12/2007 11:05

Does a very young child with no SN actually have "bonding problems"? I would have thought that a 4-month old baby would bond relatively easily with a family who loved her and treated her as their own. Sounds to me as the adults are the ones with the bonding issues, not that gorgeous little girl.

alexandre · 14/12/2007 11:08

It's not surprising she didn't bond with the family if she was looked after entirely by paid helpers which the article seems to imply. I wonder whether the family gave its biological children to the same carers?

jesuswhatnext · 14/12/2007 13:31

it sounds to like the poor little love is best off without these people - anyone who can treat a child like an unwanted puppy needs serious scrutany from social services re the treatment of all their children.

hopefully she will be taken by people who will care for properly

NAB3littlemonkeys · 14/12/2007 13:59

Medical advice my eye. And don't they think she is going to have a lot more problems now she has been rejected?

edam · 14/12/2007 14:38

Very sad story whatever the truth of it. But the thing that stood out for me was the stat that 10 per cent of UK adoptions fail. How unimaginably awful, to lose your parents and then to lose your new parents as well. How on earth does any child recover from that?

goingfor3christmaspuddings · 14/12/2007 14:45

Adoptions do fail but I bet that most of the 10% that fail do so within the first few months. To give up an adoptive child after 7 years because she doesn't fit in is very wrong.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 14/12/2007 14:47

There is a sad story here of which maybe sheds light on why some adoptions fail. Some of these kids must be so damaged by the time social services take permenant action...

www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=501569&in_page_ id=1879

WeFrizYouaMerryChristmas · 14/12/2007 14:50

and Truely awful.

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 14/12/2007 14:56

I'm sure there's all sorts of reasonable excuses yada yada yada. But the fact is, they're the only parents she's ever known and now she's been abandoned by them. That's going to leave a mark.

spokette · 14/12/2007 15:11

They adopted her at 4months old. As far as the child is concerned, they are her parents. They have deliberately abandoned her and the excuses are just a smoke screen for a deeper issue to do with the parents commitment to raising a child from another culture. I would not be surprised if they were ashamed or embarrassed by her appearance as she would stand out amongst their well heeled associates.

I bet they would not treat their biological children like that if they had perceived developmental problems.

They should never be allowed to adopt again.

spokette · 14/12/2007 15:14

Theowlwhowasafraid of the dark

In this case, the child was 4 months when she was adopted. She was more or less a blank canvass so if the adoptive parents have problems relating to her, the problem lies with them, not the child.

CrushWithEyeliner · 14/12/2007 15:18

I suppose it is best that she is not forced to live with these gutless people who are obviously just fed up with her. I just hope she finds a family who will cherish and love her who who she is.