Another working parent survey - load of rubbish or not?

[UnquietDad]

here

Interesting to see how this is squared with all those surveys claiming children are unhappier in nursery.

I am not at all surprised that mothers are happiest working as opposed to staying at home (with optimum happiness acheived from working part-time it would seem). Like anything difficult in life though - it is a competing interest - the mother's happiness set square against the happiness of her child.

More interestingly (I thought ) Mothers are happier once children hit school age. Father's happiness is uneffected by presence or absence of children (if my reading of the article is correct)

I read only this morning that fertility is in the increase ... also from a BBC source!

I am dreading going back to work ... then again, DP is desperately excited about becming a SAHD, so it sound from the survey we're in a bit of a minority ... the proof of the pudding, however, is in the ... housework!

The questions didn't ask if the children were happier just if the parents were.

happily for us, swedes, the wellbeing of myself and my children was not a competition: we all enjoyed our time apart/together thanks to nursery/flexible working hours.

Fertility and birth rate are different things.

These surveys are interesting but they only give you an idea of the average level of happiness across different groups. So any individual SAHM might be happier at home than she would at work. Surely a big part of happiness is being able to do what you would prefer to be doing - so if you'd rather be at home you will be happier doing that and if you'd rather be at work you'd be happier working.

It doesn't surprise me that women working part-time are happier - but then that's what I am doing so I tend to pay most attention to surveys that validate my decisions!

lazycow - no, you miss my point. Parents are happier at work than at home, but data showing children's alleged unhappiness in nursery is used as a stick to beat working parents with. So if parents are happy at work and children unhappy at nursery, what are people supposed to do?

I know swedes - but both articles said fertility when they meant birth rate.

I think these things have to be taken with a pinch of salt. I don't think you can factor grass-is-greener into the equation, nor can you objectively measure happiness because it's a multifactorial kind of thing.

My favourite part was also the bit about the mums being the happiest when kids go to school.

I know as a working parent I am going to be ecstatic when both of my kids are in school full time and I can greatly reduce the childcare bill.

taking yet another survey with customary pinch of salt.

I would guess the interpretation of data is supposed to fit some pre existing idea.

small children are hard demanding work even when you really want/ plan for them.

they place financial / time pressures on parents

relationships go through re adjusting times not always easily particularly given lack of sleep money etc.

the 'status' of women changes with motherhood on so many levels that it takes time to adjust.

with all that I would guess by the time kids go to school is when the dust is settling so everyone happier.

don't think that means sahm are miserable people who should just get a job to be happier

UD I didn't miss the point - I personally work PT and am much happier than I would be or was at home. DS has been with a CM (until he was 3 ) and is now at a lovely nursery and likes it fine but I know he would MUCH rather be at home with me.

I think the reality is that most young children would rather their parents were at home. I appreciate that may be contraversial and may WOHM parents may prefer not to accept that but I strongly suspect that is the case.

I rationalise my decision by saying it is better for our family as a whole that I work, which I believe it is. However I know full well that ds would be happier if I (or DH) was at home full time.

In answer you your last question - 'ensure the care is the best it can be so that your child is as happy as they can be given that they are not in their parent's care full- time and live with the guilt that they would be happier with you'

Also it is a very good point that millie makes. We all look for corroborating evidence to give ourselves permission to do what we wanted to do in the first place. Also for every happy SAHM I can point you to a miserable one, ditto working mums. There isn't a one size fits all answer and everybody should just do what feels is best for their family and financial circumstances. We over analyse it I think.

I agree we over analyse it. And tend then to apply our analysis to others, regardless of whether they share our circumstances or attitudes.

To be honest I can't relate at all to the WOHM/SAHM debate. I completely believe I am doing the best for me and mine with my current arrangement, and I expect other people have thought about it equally hard and made a rational decision based on their situation. So what is there to argue about? It's madness to tell someone that you know their lives better than they do.

What Gizmo said.

I bet you this turns into one of those SAHM/ WOHM threads. I just bet you.

"So if parents are happy at work and children unhappy at nursery, what are people supposed to do?"
Either go to work and feel guilty or stay at home and feel unhappy. I choose to stay at home for the moment - even though I was a very high earner. I am not unhappy but I can see myself becoming bored with it at some stage, at which point I will start a business from home (I have something in mind and I'm writing my business plan and researching). I will then get someone to help me with the children for however many hours I need each day.

Well, yes. It was a rhetorical question...

"So if parents are happy at work and children unhappy at nursery, what are people supposed to do?"

I think if you as a parent knew that your child was unhappy in nursery you would not be happy at work either. I think parents are only happy at work if they are happy with their childcare arrangements and know they raise happy children.

parents always believe their little ones just love nursery, cos thats what the parents want to believe

does anyone ask the kids, "would you rather be here or at home?"

I think as long as they do have a structured day of play they are happy. And it's a good preparation for school - learning how to pay with others, etc.

The above question is not necessarily the right one, or the only one. More accurately, "Would you rather a) have a day playing with your friends and not see mummy and daddy till the evening but also live where we do and have nice things, or b) be at home all day but be living somewhere not as nice and not have as many nice things because, with only one of us working, mummy and daddy would be skint? Hmmmm?"

UQD - Trouble is, I suspect the 'nice things' are in fact only nice to the adults. I am not sure they make that much difference to the child.

Of course, what I said there doesn't even take account of single parents who don't have much option.

"Nice things" is a bit misleading of me, anyway. People work to give their children quality of life.

Swedes, this conversation tells me you are probably going to enjoy the book.... !

p114 and enjoying v v much.

I find it so irritating this insinuation that working parents just don't know that their children are not as happy as they would be at home. Its very simplistic.