Have you heard this story about twins being separated at school?

[Moomin]

link here

Would be really interested to hear what other people think...

[SoupDragon]

SofiaAmes, it's only for 20 minutes every morning!!

[TwoIfBySea]

My dts are in separate classes and to be honest it wasn't my choice. The school ask the twins themselves while at nursery and it is encouraged but if they wanted they could be in the same class.

And of the three sets currently in P1 and P2 none of them are in the same class.

They need their own identities and they won't get that in a class where they are known as "the twins."

[Reallytired]

My mother and uncle are twins and their parents diliberately sent them to seperate schools, even at primary! I have no idea how on earth my granmother managed the logistics of having five year olds at seperate schools.

Personally I think the woman is being daft and unreasonable. She is just having a tantrum.

What happens when one twin needs a bath or the toilet. Do they cope with the seperation for more than 20 minutes?

[superalienstitch]

from the information given in the original link to the story, the woman sounds like a daft cow.
the kids are ten. not two. they are separate individuals with their own identities. not two dollies for her to play with.
most schools separate twins into different classes if they can, and only put them together if the reasons are very very extreme. like one child being bullied in a class. etc.
daft cow.

[SofiaAmes]

I really don't think this is about whether she is making the right choice or not. Or whether it's for 20 minutes or a whole school day. I think it's about the fact that her opinion about her own children is not given enough weight. Without a strong reason otherwise, it should be her choice as to whether her twins are together or not. Just because most others prefer to keep their twins apart doesn't make it the only correct choice. Most people let their children watch tv every day. I feel that it's not good for mine and only let them watch a few hours a week. If my children's school were to assign homework that involved screen time (it is done all the time), I would object to it. Just because I am in the minority doesn't make me wrong.

It's like when the ed psych decided to put my stepson on ridalin. My dh felt very strongly that this shouldn't take place and that his son had been misdiagnosed with ADHD and that they were missing other learning problems that he had by just solving the whole thing with a bit of medication. He was completely ignored and his ds is now on ridalin and a total lethargic zombie who still has undiagnosed learning disabilities (he is 14 and can barely read).

[totaleclipse]

I think its a good idea to seperate twins to some level through primary and junior school, as when they get to secondary school, there is a very slim chance they willbe in thesame classes, I have id twin girls (3.6) dt2 is very dependaent on dt1, pre school have decided with my approval to let them be (they have 12 months left at nursery) and when they start reception, we will plan what to do from then.

[ursaferrugineusa]

But it really is for the school to decide which children go in which classes, not the parents.
At the school I work at a couple of years ago, we had a parent who insisted that her child should not be split up from his best friend - and she had what seemed to be good and valid reasons. At the same time, the parents of the other child were insisting that they should be put in separate classes.
Some things really do have to be left to the school.

[anotherbadmother]

The mother should trust the schools experience in educating children, and at least trial a separation. If after a term the boys are unhappy the school should rethink it's policy in this instance.

I think the mother is being very narrow minded. She thinks she knows what's best, but she should consider the fact that on this occasion she might be wrong.

Presumably these boys are just starting secondary school? The first few weeks are crucial for making friends and getting established. She's not doing her sons any favours by keeping them out of school. Poor kids.

[superalienstitch]

no sa, in secondary school its not up to the parent to decide. its up to the school to decide what groups they are in.
if she insists the way she is, without solid grounds, it is just her throwing a tantrum.
re the drug you mentioned. that is completly different. its medical and as such the doctors have to have parental consent. unless the parent is unfit in some way.

[superalienstitch]

as for the tv watching you mention sofia. you are well within your right to object to it. but unless it is excessive in the schools opinion i doubt it will be stopped. and if youforbid your child from doing the homework, then i believe you are in the wrong. in my dc's school, there is a homeschool agreement that has to be signed by parents, and kids.

secondary school is a lot more like rea life. you cant just not do something because you dont feel like it. and it is meant to be a preparation for movinginto real life. kids have to learn how rl operates.

[Nightynight]

the issue here is really that the school imposed their policy against the parents wishes.
Here in Bavaria, this is the norm - as a parent, you have no say in your child's education, because the "professionals know best"

The system that results, is so crappy that it was actually slated by the UN last year. Lazy teachers flourish, because they have the final say on everything, so they can fix the system how they want, and they do. They are backed up by former teachers in the parliament.

As teachers, you should take the parents wishes into account, as much as is practical. That is the system under which everyone in the private sector operates. I wouldnt get far, telling my customers "I have a policy of X, and I dont have time to go into your individual wishes"

[oxocube]

but Nightynight, I think the issue here is quite a bit different to the situation you descrive in Bavaria. The head has been reasonable - he has consulted other teachers and an Ed Pych as well as relying on his considerable experience in education. The mother sounds barking. If its true that she went to the press as soon as she found the head disagreed with her, then she sounds completely unreasonable.

Also if the school backs down on this one, what kind of precenent would it set for any future differences of opinion. I would also disagree with the mother who says that because they are her children, she automatically knows whats best for them. She obviously loves them best, but thats not always the same thing as knowing whats best for them.

[Sidge]

Sounds like she wants her 15 minutes of fame, and is using her sons to do it.

I think she is totally unreasonable. Yes, if they were 5 and just starting school but not at 10! They need to develop their own personalities and lives, not be half of a couple for ever.

And no wonder they don't do anything apart, looks like she never gives them that opportunity. Totally controlling.

[RustyBear]

Nightynight - do you mean "As teachers, you should take the parents' wishes into account" or "As teachers, you should take the parent's wishes into account"
The first is possible and desirable (though sometimes difficult) if done by proper consultation. The second is usually impossible.

This is why apostrophes matter.

[potoroo]

Actually this is her second 15 min of fame.

She'd already pulled her boys out of their primary school because the school wouldn't let them ride to school.

[Moomin]

oh, I didn't know that. What was all that about?

[GodzillasBumcheek]

Can i just add...the reason i insist on my twin daughters functioning as individual people, separately, is not only because (although identical) they are of different abilities, but also...what would happen if one of them died? Would the other one simply give up because their twin had gone? Certainly not my dtds but with this woman's sons...who knows? And you can't say it would never happen, because it can and it does, unfortunately.

[MadamePlatypus]

I think the issue of whether twins in general should be in the same form at school pales into insignificance compared to the issue of how any child would cope with a mother who has so little faith in their ability to manage on their own. I am sure that many parents of twins discuss this issue - how many of them discuss it so publicly?

[kindersurprise]

I think that she is being ridiculous. Just read that they changed primary schools because they weren't allowed to ride their bikes to school.

It is unreasonable and selfish to inflict so much change to her childrens' lives because she does not agree with the school's policy. A change of school is a big thing for a child.

As to seperating them for 20 mins, FGS they are 10 years old! I find it rather creepy tbh, the way she dresses them the same at that age. . My DS is 3 and wouldn't wear the spotty shorts they were wearing (he is already a rather discerning dresser )

[GodzillasBingoWings]

Lol...dressing twins alike????? Nearly every set i see in my town are dressed alike - well into their lives!

[kindersurprise]

I find it cute when 3 year old twins are dressed alike, but there were twin OAPs in the town where I used to live, they came into our shop regularly. They still dressed identically, spooky really.

If I had twins, then I would like my children to develop their own personalities, have their own friends (if they wanted to obviously) and not always get lumped together as "the twins".

[sweetkitty]

I know someone who has twin DDs age 3 and another DD 20 months, she dresses all 3 identically and has asked they all go to nursery in the same class as she doesn't want them to be alone. Don't know what she's going to do when the DTs go to school and the other one has to wait a year. I have DDs the same ages (not twins) and DD2 isn't at the same developmental level as DD1 so shouldn't be in the same nursery class.

[LadyVictoriaOfCake]

bike story

[minorityrules]

My best friend is an identical twin, these are some the things he dislikes...
when younger they were dressed the same
getting one birthday present to share
getting one birthday card
being called the 'the twins'
not taking the time to work out who was who (difficult with people you don't see very often, but aunts, uncles and friends of family)

They were separated at primary school and both of them are very glad this happened. One of them is a typical boys boy, the other is much more sensitive, two very very different people and always have been

I think this woman are treating her sons like freaks and I doubt they will thank her for it

When it gets to secondary school, parents have very little say in day to day things like what class, what set etc

These boys need to find their own identities and separating them in school is a good start

[kindersurprise]

I am so surprised that anyone would think it was ok to give twins one birthday card or present.

I teach 4 children in a family, twins and 2 girls, born 2 years apart but on the same day (how about that for a coincidence!) I always send seperate cards, it wouldn't even occur to me to send one card for 2 children. That is just being mean.