Bottle feeding mum asked to leave breast feeding cafe

[Dawnybabe]

In my local paper, the Eastern Daily Press, of Norfolk, they ran a story about a mum who had, through a friend, been asked by a member of staff at a PCT run breast feeding cafe not to return because she had bottle fed her four month old son. Please tell me I'm not the only one absolutely incandescant with rage over this? Apparently she had a medical reason for bottle feeding as well. Aren't the staff being as bigoted as the general public who force the need for a breast feeding cafe in the first place? Surely the attitude should be that you are safe to feed there however you like without any prejudice? There is enough pressure and guilt forced on bottle feeding mums as it is without staff who should know better joining in the witch hunt.

my bfc told me that bf care did not end with bfing, some women need help with the trauma of not bfing and should get it. so that the next time they're more likely to give it a shot.

Yup - which is why I don't believe that a bfc would treat a woman who has expressed a genuine interest in breastfeeding at a support group with anything other than kindness and encouragement.

What is a Baby Café?
The Baby Café Charitable Trust is a small organisation which began its life as a charity in July 2005.

We co-ordinate a network of branded drop-in centres which support breastfeeding mothers, because we believe that every breastfeeding mum deserves free, top quality help and support.

A Baby Café drop-in centre is generally open once a week and set out with coffee tables, comfy sofas and play areas for accompanying toddlers. All pregnant or breastfeeding mums are welcome to drop in at any time during opening hours. No appointment is necessary and partners, supporters and health professionals are also welcome.

Help is available on all aspects of breastfeeding and its impact on daily life - from starting to stopping and all the variations in between.

In a relaxed, informal atmosphere you can

Tap into the wealth of literature available...
Get one-to-one help from specially trained health professionals...
Chat to other mums and discover you and your baby are quite normal...
And get a decent cup of coffee/tea/juice (no coffee in polystyrene cups here!).

A charity for breastfeeding mothers.

You want something different? You set it up.

Honestly, 'I was asked not to return to an autism support group because my ds doesn't have autism, but he is really naughty. I was really upset'
'I was asked not to return to an AA meeting because I don't have a drink problem. But my friend was there!'
'I was refused a massage at an NHS physiotherapy clinic - but I feel really stressed!'

This woman wasn't chucked out. She got her coffee had a nice chat, fed her baby and went home. And after all that, it was gently made clear to her that maybe this was not the right place for her to have her coffee. And she goes bleating off to the press about her 'rights'.

aloha, if you're fine with kicking someone out of a supportive and social pro-bfing environment for bringing out a bottle then there's not much else to say.
personally, though, i think your examples are a crock of shit. it's a bfing group for mums, if it was inappropriate of her friends to bring her there (and i kinda think it was but then bfing new mums are often not sensitive to the feelings of failed bfers) then they should have dealt with it better, but they didn't. it's a total own-goal on the part of the bfing cafe and they should have handled it better.
i would also take serious issue with any charitable organisation that would turn people away for not having quite the right problem, given that she wasn't using their precious resources. in fact quite the opposite, she was contributing to them presumably, by buying a cheap cup of coffee in a mug.

you don't know that she went bleating at all, you have no idea how that story got the press. she was kicked out of the support group, it doesn't much matter whether it was at the time or later. beign told you can't come back cos you ff is not handling the situation well.
as i say, my bfc runs the biggest bf support group in central scotland, handling the trickiest cases in the country, and she doesn't treat people this way. but what would she know?

Well, I think your posts are a 'crock of shit' too, but was too polite to mention it. But since all decorum has gone out of the window....
Nice to 'debate' with you.

btw, "No appointment is necessary and partners, supporters and health professionals are also welcome." and i take it that means supporters without a bottle?

I am surprised by this I must say. My local babycafe were fantastic with me and really encouraged me to continue coming even after I gave up. My bfc said she was proud that I had got so far and that the group was for everyone. I must admit, I didn't go back because I felt so ashamed at getting a bottle out in public, let alone in a babycafe. My positive experience with them hopefully might mean that I get it right next time because I will seek help earlier.

Anyway, only skim read so sorry if all this has been said before.

but she wasn't supporting anyone, or going there for any advice, or interested in bf in general
she went there to meet her mates after a baby massage class to get a cup of coffee
bizarre

And quite glad I didn't meet some of you during my breastfeeding doom and gloom because you might just about have finished me off.

Aitch, with you as always on this one.

i don't remember you being polite, aloha. you're the one who started off with the 'ers'...
and i said your examples are a crock of shit, not your posts. but thanks anyway.
now, where do you live so that when or if i fail to bf again because of my medical condition i can know to avoid the babycafe that you attend, lest i offend you by drinking coffee and encouraging and supporting other women in their wish to bf?

don't undesrtand what is happening on this thread at all.

if it is a pct run thing then people using the service must qualify, as in fill in forms and be assessed. do you expect to pop into hospital for cup of tea and chat with nurses and maybe a coffee with a surgeon?

it was her friend who told her and made her cry. it was not good that the people from the service did not speak with her directly about not returning, but not the end of the world.

it isn't a very good or clear news report and soem of you are surmising wildly.

how on earth do you know that her experience with not bfing wasn't supportive to her friends? how are we defining 'supporter', exactly?

my friends said to me (not at the bf support group cos like twofalls i only went a few times thanks to being mortified at bringing out a bottle) that they hadn't realised the faff in doing bottles so i know i was a living salutary lesson in that regard.

twofalls, good to see that there are at least two bfcs with a long-term view in this country...

i don't think the people should have spoken to her directly, or spoken to her friend, fishie. i think the bfcs should explicitly have made her welcome, as twofalls and i were. this clearly did not happen.

irrespective of rights I think it is sad to make boundaries between women due to their methods of feeding. Ultimately mothers have many concerns, wories and happy moments to share and all women should feel empowered enought o do it in whatever environemtn they choose. Whilst i don't agree with the sensationalist outcome of this particular situation I don't feel it is necessary to continue to cause such divides. I don't relly think this mothers prescence at this cafe would have been detremental to the other mothers and aslong as she was welcomed by her friend I'm not entirely sure of why this is an issue. had she been a partner or mother attending without a child would she have met such opposition? this lady clearly wasn't taking up any of the time of those on hand to help and unless space was a huge consideration in this, it should never have resulted in such debate.

i don't know what to say really aitch. plenty of posters have made the point here that this is a nhs service and as such as accountable for its users, not a social or support group which can happily welcome everyone. nothing to do with breast v bottle.

hear bloody hear, quadrophenia.

just for a bit of light relief, one of today's headlines at the norfolk news

'too early for alarm over pea prices'

I think perhaps it was a very slow news day for the norfolk news

mine was an nhs service, fishie. it was just run by a better bfc, that's all. probably becuase let's face it, they know that someone isn't really going to keep coming forever if they're an ffer, so better to let them go by their own choice. they really aren't doiing anyting other than being an arse on a seat if they're ffing, are they?

new mums sometimes want moral support wherever they are going, i would hate to think that I would have to exclude that moral supporty just because the person in question chose to bottlefeed. the mum in questions simply may have wanted her friend to accompany her, where is the debate in that?

please excuse the typos, i blame the wine

not that she chose, according to her...

Ultimately it shouldn't matter whether she chose or it was aconsequence of circumstances, it simply isn't right to divide women in this way, if she was giving her firend moral support (or even if not) why on earth shouldn't she be there.

arent you in scotland? is the service much better there perhaps? here in east london the social group is the main model of nhs support, plenty of encouragement but no practical help. all very nice but hopeless when people have problems. perhaps not surprising so many end up ff round here.