Children of murdered man to be split up.

[ChesterGreySideboard]

Michael Simpson murder: Grandparents agree custody deal in China www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-46715113

The man is English and married a Chinese woman, they lived in China with their two children until she murdered him. She is now in prison.
The children lived with their mother’s family but the father’s family have now been granted custody of the girl.

It’s a very odd situation and although I completely understand why the grandparents want the grandchildren is it right to take them away from everything they know?

Clicky link
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-46715113

The mother's family only want the boy because.... well, it's China. Because of that, i'd be desperately hoping they eventually get the boy brought to the UK as well. The chinese family only wanting to keep the one that's the "right" sex just doesn't sit well with me.

I think it’s desperately sad that the DC are to be split. But they were being raised by people whose child killed their father - wouldn’t you as the GP do everything in your power to be a part of their lives?

The fact that the Chinese grandparents were willing to ‘sell’ the granddaughter for £9000 shows how much value they would have placed on a girl child vs the boy.

I wonder what this would look like from the perspective of the Chinese grandparents? The children live in China. Their only living parent and two if their grandparents are in China.

I know nòthing about the murder case except what the BBC article says which is that at the time he was stabbed they were going through an acrimonious divorce.

The kids have been through an awful time already.

@Wizzwazzwas

And if the mother survives Chinese prison and gets released, then the children would be raised by the person who killed their dad. The boy is currently being raised by family who were happy to sell his sister. It's their heritage and their home, but at that age they could have both made a home here, safely away from the person who murdered their dad.

The chinese granparents wouldn't even allow the British grandparenrs access. Their behaviour was despicable. It's awful that the kids are being split up, but that little girl could very well have been treated as second class to her brother. And they'd never know anything about their British family. Maybe this way, the granparents will eventually all learn to work together and have visits etc.

Apparently the children don't know what has happened. They've never been told their father is dead and their mother in jail.
While I agree that separating the children is awful, I think the little girl may have a better life in the uk. There is no good solution.
The money, they say, is to ensure the Chinese gps will be able to afford to travel for meet ups.

The children have already been through enough without splitting them. It will just be yet another trauma for them.
I feel for the fathers parents, paying money to family of your sons murderer must be horrendous and knowing they are effectively selling them their grandchild is heartbreaking.

I gather that two years have already been spent, trying to negotiate.
There's no way they will part with the boy.
I fear there is no solution acceptable to both sides.

It’s so sad.
Assuming the Chinese GPs are not abusive I just wonder if it would be in the childrens best interests to stay together and be spared the trauma of losing a sibling. Would be awful for the British GPs but the children would have each other.

It's awful, I wonder what they have told the girl about it. It's shocking that they don't know what has happened to their parents. I hope she will get good emotional support here from Camhs but with funding as it is who knows

They're willing to sell her, and in a China she's less important to the family than a bboy. There's no way she's better off in China with her brother.
Hopefully the Maternal GP's will allow some access between the kids but he has a better chance of a good life than she would.

Poor poor kids

I worry about the girl coming here. How much English does she know?
If she’s spent the last two years with her Chinese family then the culture shock will be huge.

It's a terrible situation all round. I don't think it's quite as clear-cut as "the Chinese GPs were willing to sell her"; there was huge pressure put on all the participants to reach some sort of compromise solution, and the mother's parents were apparently devastated at having to part from the little girl. And obviously the anguish of the British GPs is completely understandable.

The kids would undoubtedly have a 'better' life in England, with a higher standard of living, more access to education, etc. Is that worth the trauma of separating close siblings? I don't know. I don't envy anyone in this story.

It is a real no win situation.
Yes these are the parents of the woman who murdered the father, but does that make them bad people?

The Chinese grandparents wanted to keep both children, I believe, but have been forced into a compromise by the courts and the situation. The children have never lived anywhere except China. They know their Chinese grandparents. I'm not sure uprooting them and bringing them to the UK is right (assuming the Chinese grandparents are loving adults, obvs).

It’s very hard to know the details of this story as we are only hearing one side of it.

But the whole “better life in the UK” part annoys me hugely. It’s such a “we’re better than anyone else” attitude. Life is different in the UK than China. That doesn’t necessarily make it better.

And I’m not at all sure that the best thing for the children who have lost both mother and father is to be separated and one of them flown half way around the world to live with older people she has hardly met in a culture she doesn’t know. This story doesn’t seem to be about what’s best for the children, but what the grandparents want.

I don't think there can be any right answer for the children, they've been through an awful trauma and whatever happens from here on in they are going to need a lot of careful support. The Chinese courts seem to have done what they can to placate both sets of grandparents, I wonder what the courts here would have done if the situation was reversed? I think the view there of children is very different to here, it almost seems like they are treating the children as an inheritance to be shared out.

It's interesting that this thread hasn't vilified the mother; if it was the father who had killed the mother then there would calls for all kinds of retribution on him and judgement.

This story doesn’t seem to be about what’s best for the children, but what the grandparents want.

X posted saying much the same! I agree.

I think withholding contact from their fathers side of the family was wrong and showed a disregard for the children and the gravity of what their daughter had done and the damage it would cause. So yes, I think that does make them bad people unless there are extenuating circumstances.

The Chinese grandparents didn't murder the father. The mother did. We don't know what the relationship between the father and the British grandparents was like before he was murdered, either. Would he have given contact? Plenty of children don't give contact to their parents when they have their own children, for all sorts of reasons. The children have always lived in China and are, for all intents and purposes, Chinese.

However, for the father's parents, this is the last connection with their son, and it must be very painful to know that their grandchildren are in a foreign country, with the parents of his killer. They must feel that they should take them into their care and provide them with a 'better' life.

I can't see how it is right to take the children to the UK, tbh., even though I sympathise hugely with the British grandparents. I think the courts should be ordering contact for the British parents and residence for the Chinese parents, with conditions about the terms in the event of the release of the mother.

From what I remember they lived in Hong Kong and the grandparents are in rural China so the culture shock is going to be huge wherever they move to.

I also agree it's more about what the grandparents want. It seems cruel to separate them and take them away from everything they've ever known. Their daughter murdered the kids father but as a PP said, that doesn't make them bad people. They are probably horrified by her actions as well.

But the whole “better life in the UK” part annoys me hugely. It’s such a “we’re better than anyone else” attitude. Life is different in the UK than China. That doesn’t necessarily make it better.

I quite agree. There seems to be an assumption that these are peasant farmers and the children will live in squalor. We don’t know anything about the family at all.

And yes moving from a city to the country will be a culture shock but not nearly as much as moving somewhere where you don’t speak the language or even recognise the food.

Is there any background info about the circumstances of the murder available anywhere? Husband being stabbed to death could cover quite a range of scenarios from cold blooded murder, to killing in self defence for example in the case of domestic violence.

I agree with what has been said previously about the best interests of the children. As far as we know the Chinese grandparents are entirely innocent and may well have wanted to care for both children (as apparently the British grandparents do). The children have been (perhaps as yet unknowingly) bereaved and lost a second parent to prison. This is quite significant trauma. They do not know the uk grandparents or Great Britain, and how they are to be separated and one brought to live here with people they do not know, with potentially more significant trauma not only for the one uprooted to live here, but the one left in China too.

The whole situation is just awful.

The press reporting is terrible and entirely from the perspective of the UK grandparents. The most important thing here should be what is best for the children.

Also some of the comments on this thread about China and Chinese people are appalling.

The children were not raised in a Chinese village. They went to an expat school in Shanghai or Hong Kong and so speak English.
From news accounts the father was raising them for two years during split from their mother.
I think if my son was murdered in cold blood (she attacked him at his home), I would want his children to be with me and in a lifestyle they know rather than a provincial village. For them but yes selfishly for me too. They are the only link to their son who was again by all news accounts a loving father. The Chinese family have told the children he is away for work and won’t ever come back. That’s not right.