Yet another article re: why mothers should return to work

[boogiewoogie]

Just snatching a couple of minutes during a coffee break, will come back. What do you think of this?

In answer to how the economic slack is taken up - There are no easy answers because I don't see it as a right to be given a safety net in this way. Life doesn't work like that. I see it as my responsibility to ensure that I provide as good a sfety net as possible for myself and more importantly for my son. I do that by ensuring I maintain a good earning capacity. By doing that I think I am helping my son as well as myself. It is not a perfect solution but for our family neither would be me being a SAHM

I see what you are saying that by doing this I am not giving my dh the full economic responsibility (which he would happily take if I asked) and that men thus get away with more but in my instance dh is very a hands-on father and does as much childcare as I do.

the flip side of this is that I have to accept that being ds's mother is not as 'special' as it is for some children because he has such a close and attached relationship with his father.

To be honest though -that 'special mother/child relationship' (by that I mean the kind of relationship where a mother wants exclusive control over most things her child does/experiences and who is 'the 'only one who can do things right' in her view) in I think often more about what is good for the mother not necessarily for the child.

Oh, lucy I'm sorry that you feel that way. If it helps, you are probably right that it will be much harder on you than on your DC.

Anna I breastfed my child until he was over 2 years old and he stopped himself - so seamlessly I am unable to tell you exactly when he stopped.

Women have breastfed and worked for years, though I agree that in the first 6-8 months it is much easier not to have to go out to work if you are breastfeeding.

Yes Lucy - I@m sorry you are having to thin kabout working when you don't want to too. It is really hard to leave them.

eleusis - well, like you may have gathered, I'm pretty much into trying to optimise the benefits of nature AND the benefits of post-industrial society when it comes to child development. I try very hard to exclude superstition, religion, plastic toys, theme parks, interventionist medicine, cosmetic surgery, junk food and video games (just a few examples) from our lives - let's leave the rubbish behind and enjoy the good stuff.

lucyellensmum - that's very sad about having to start work again before you feel ready.

I think the saddest thing about sahm/wohm discussions is that those who have the option and do stay at home feel happy with their decision, those who go back to paid work and are happy about it feel happy about their decision but the group who would prefer to spend more or all their time at home with their children but don't financially have the option end up feeling terrible and that their children will be irreversibly damaged.

As it happens I don't have the luxury of making the choice - I'm single, I have to work to put food on the table, so I didn't waste much time worrying about whether that was right or not, whether I wanted to go back to work or not, it just IS. The mums I mix with (mixture of SAHM and WOHM) don;t have noticeably different children in terms of behaviour, happiness, development etc

Anna, if you ever want a nanny I know just the person for you. She is big into homeopathy and all things natural. I wasn't much into this, but if it's your thing, she might be your dream.

Lucy - any chance of easing your way back. Not quite full time at first or short days or some days at home.

that post was in response to lucyellensmum BTW

lazycow - I still think that when women work and contribute a fair share of income and their husbands contribute significantly to household chores and the upbringing of their children that women are often taking on a huge responsibility for themselves and that gives the subconscious message to men that they don't have to be so responsible. Basically it gives them an opt-out clause and I don't think it is necessarily good for them.

my mum has just been put into remission by chemo and radio therapy - I'm big into all things chemical and intervenionist at the moment

suejonez - I wonder if sometimes people feel more muddled about it than that and therefore they become critical of other people's choices. I know this is a bit paperback psychology but the arguments often become so heated and personal that you wonder if there is something more going on.

eleusis - I'm definitely NOT into homeopathy... I like real science, not superstition... but thanks anyway

Nice post, Sue. I agree. If you haven't got a choice just get on with it. And don't let people make you feel bad.

You could print Xenia's list of benefits of working and keep it in your drawer to remind you why you are there and how it will benefit your child (and you).

Anna, homepathy was in response to interventionist medicine.

Anna your poor daughter;

no:
junk food = no fish and chips eaten under a brolley at the english seaside?
= no experience of getting all sticky eating candyfloss at a fairground

supersition = no fairy stes father Xma or tooth fairy?

no plastic toys = so are they all tasteful and wooden? I like plastic cos its lighter, less likely to clonk DS on the head, its colourful, its wipe clean and it lasts for ages so he can use his dads 35 yr old toys!

theme parks = no rollercoaster rides, no water rapids, no dogem cars, no little monkey climbing and running, no ball pits, No big slides to whizz down with your friends.

Interventionist medicine = what does this mena? no painkillers? no surgery to save your childs life? no blood transfusions?

Sue, your mum is going through chemo?!?! I didn't know!

Nk - you are right.

I don't think any woman in her right mind feels entirely comfortable not earning and I don't think any woman in her right mind feels entirely comfortable not being there for her little children

Suejonez - sending good wishes to you and your mother.

Are you suggesting that people who work aren't there for their children? We are there some of the time you know?

perhaps I'm laid back about it (ie just get on with it) because I have (totally unbiased of course) the sweetest funniest loveliest boy who had just about the worst start to life you could have in terms of "rights" (26week, 2lb premmie, abandoned at birth, institutionalised for first 11 months, not breast fed a drop).

Of course when he turns into the teenager from hell I may come back and post!

sunnyjim - by interventionist medicine, I only mean no medicine where it is not strictly necessary ie I didn't have an epidural or any anaesthesia at childbirth because I wanted to avoid episiotomy, ventouse, forceps etc; I prefer to keep my child in the warm at the first sign of a cold and give her basic analgesics than give her antibiotics and suppositories.

All this is a much bigger issue in France which has the highest rate of consumption of medicinal drugs in the WORLD.

You get nice big swings, slides, climbing frames and stuff in the parks here. Like the Jardin du Luxembourg. It's Disneyland Paris I find totally decadent and I won't go there.

Oh, but that will be because you worked.

not at the moment Ele - she had "terminal" cancer follwoed by chemo and radio and is currently in remission. Lovely lovely lovely people at the Marsden in Sutton - she would have been dead a year ago without them