Yet another article re: why mothers should return to work

[boogiewoogie]

Just snatching a couple of minutes during a coffee break, will come back. What do you think of this?

Maybe all the kids in the study attend the nursery by Anna.

The other point I will make (though it will be a bit contentious) is that the argument against WOHM is often about how they are emotionally harming their children in some way by their choice to work. The argument against SAHM mothers is generally more about how the mother is 'lazy' and 'just lounging around all day' so tends to be more of an attack on the woman herself.

To be honest if I liked staying at home I were willing to take the economic risk necessary to do so - people could call me lazy and have no respect for what I do to their hearts content and it really wouldn't bother me. People don't have much respect for my current job and I don't really earn enough to call myself that economically successful now so I'm pretty sure being called lazy and unsuccessful wouldn't bother me (see name !!)

However as a WOHM - attacks on my parenting and being told I'm harming my son do actually bother me a great deal.

thirtysomething - thank you.

Interestingly enough, while I find the crèches (O-3 nurseries here) very grim, I think that the maternelles (school for 3-6) are pretty good. They are not obligatory, but 99% of children attend one. This has nothing to do with mothers working or not.

lazycow -

surely:

• a lazy SAHM's child would be better off in a good nursery

• a child in a bad nursery would be better off with a hands-on, engaged SAHM

"The research comes as teachers warn children are being "institutionalised" by the push to get mothers into work."

From the BBC article linked below.

That's the point my daughter's school makes (more diplomatically than that, in fact).

You see we are all different. My DD goes to nursery 3 days a week, but I would not dream of sending her to her grandparents for a full week at 2, and especially not in a different country. I am unwilling to let her go for two nights while her brother has an operation next week. I am not saying you are wrong but we all have different ideas of what is best for our children.

But, it is bullshit, Anna. Are you telling me that if I presented you with my DD's reception class you could pick out the ones that have attended nursery, the ones who have nannies, and the ones who have full time hands on engaged SAHPs?

bozza - interesting, why not?

My daughter adores my parents, she talks about them all the time and my mother just loves have her all to herself. And that way my daughter gets different adults talking to her, doing different activities etc which I love. She develops very clearly when spending time with my mother.

eleusis - I'm not saying anything. I am saying that my daughter's school asks parents in advance whether their child has attended nursery (crèche/daycare) so that they know what to expect as THEY find there is a difference in skills and behaviour that they need to account for so that the child settles in as fast as possible. It's a way of being kind to a child starting school.

And, according to the article, this is not the only school that notices a difference.

bozza - I'll just add that I wouldn't let my daughter stay with her paternal grandparents. She does spend time with them, but can only cope with a few hours before asking for Mummy. When she is with my mother she ignores me and asks for Granny all the time... She just adores my mother - she brings me the telephone every morning so that we can ring her up etc. So my ability to leave her with my parents is really completely dependent on the very close relationship they have (and that I have with my parents).

Lazycow - attacks on working mothers are often personal though. References to "selfishness", "greediness" and even, at its worst, beign "unnatural" for not wanting to be at home for more hours.

Hmm it's a combination of things. Despite her nursery experience and the fact that DH is around a lot she is very much a mummy's girl. I would actually be happier to let her go for two nights if DS was going as well but since the reason for her going is his operation that's not feasible this time. DS and DD do go to their grandparents over night every couple of months and enjoy/benefit from that time. And next year when they will be 7 and almost 4 we are thinking about a long weekend (two night) European city break to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Digression from subject of thread, I realise.

can I just say ANYONE who has grandparents who can take their kids for a few hours are extremely lucky

we haven't had so much as a night away in 9 years due to grandparents too old/ not here anymore

only once had a Saturday afternoon to ourselves when friend had my 2 kids

its good being at home for your kids but when you don't have any sort of support outside the family to give you any breathing space its a lot lot harder

Hear hear SSD. My envy of people with parents and inlaws still about knows no bounds.

yes, its totally irrational but I feel this way all the time

knowing the difference to me and dh and probably to the kids makes me very jealous

thats life isn't it

bozza - I suspect that going to nursery or not probably makes no difference to a child's ability to stay away from home. My feeling (as I have tried to describe) is that it is OK (fine and lovely in fact) for my daughter to stay away with people who love her dearly, whom she loves dearly and who are almost parental substitutes. Obviously going to nursery for a few hours is quite a different experience to spending all day every day in a different home with different adults.

Not sure it's a digression - all part of the incredibly difficult balancing act you undertake when you become a mother.

ssd and NK - yes, I know I am very very VERY lucky.

My partner says of his mother that she used to think she was a 5 grandmother (and so he thought she was too) to my stepsons until he had met my mother... and then he realised that my mother was the 5 grandmother and his mother probably only a 3*... We are VERY lucky.

Oh, is there a star rating system for grandmothers? Must tell my mum she better step up to the plate if she wants her sticker this week.

but the people they stay with don't stay strangers very long and you do spend time settling them in. You don't just dump them with a complete stranger for 11 hours and run. My CM is a part of our strange modern extended family now and her youngest DS thinks my DS is the best thing since sliced bread and adores him. DS is very happy there.

I mean initial settling in not each day - I quite happily dump DS and run most mornings

i am really really bored of this topic and have to say i find this comment really really sillY "women who protest that much about WOHMs are fecking jealous of them"

if you turn it round it reads: "women who protest that much about SAHM's are fecking jealous of them"

thanks for that, such a totally intellectual argument

yawn !

Porbably both of those statements are true, yellowrose. I do think if someone is really hung up on any particular topic, it might be a sign he/she has issues there. (whether you feel bad about working or bad about not working)

I generally only feel bad about working when I read these threads. But, I got a raise yesterday and that made me feel better.

sorry, forgot to say the famous quote was from hunker.

Hunker, are you famous?