Abortion does not ALWAYS cause 'long-lasting emotional damage' so can those who spout this please desist.

[Bubble99]

Abortion, on the whole, is a 'necessary evil', IMO.

There will, of course, be women who suffer from infertility in later life - who regret abortion during their younger years. But, for the vast majority, I imagine, there is an overwhelming sense of relief that they do not have to give birth to a child that they cannot give loving and willing care to.

I'm waiting for the 'adoption' view but this, IMO, is fraught.

I didn't feel comfortable when I read some of the other thread, so I left it. I found it difficult reading.

I know people who suffer for years after having an abortion. I've had to comfort one friend who has a complete emotional breakdown every year on the anniversary of it. I accompanied another friend to a consulation whose husband insisted she terminate a pregnancy while she wanted to keep the baby. They already had 2 dc and he didn't want more. It was awful. She miscarried in the end before her appointment at the clinic. She was one big mess emotionally.

Other women I know are able to have an abortion and put it behind them. I imagine your situation plays a large role, whether you've already had dc perhaps and can really imagine what it would be like to keep the baby or if it is just some frightening responsiblity and you're in a fraught/difficult situation.

I had a termination at 16. I was young and naive and stupidly thought that it wouldn't happen to me. We didn't use contraception.

I regret the stupidity but don't regret the termination. It wasn't easy but it was absolutely the right thing for me. My body, my 'bundle of cells' (to quote the other thread), my decision.

I'm not emotionally damaged by the termination. I would have been by having a baby at that time, but I do think that as SSShake says, your circumstances at the time play a massive part. If I had one now following three beautiful children then I would feel very different I'm sure.

I had a termination at 17 - my choice, my parents and DH (then BF) told me they'd be behind me 100% whatever I chose to do. I 'regretted' that I had to do it, but circumstances being what they were it was the sensible thing to do. If I could turn time back, I'd do the same again. Actually, if I could turn time back I'd have gone on the pill earlier and avoided the whole thing tbh.

I had DS1 at 26. Any last lingering worries/regrets about whether I did the 'right thing' disappeared in the first three months of chaos with him.

I don't feel traumatised, I feel fine actually.

I think however it's an argument that will never be resolved. It's too emotional for some people, I just object to some of the language used. How can someone make a proper, well thought out choice if someone is screaming 'murderer' and 'babykiller' in one ear

At this moment in my life I wouldn't have another termination. An unwanted pg now would be a pita, but not the overwhelming life altering cockup it was at 17.

This took a while, so apologies if the thread has moved on

Peachy, 16 weeks is not really realistic though,is it...I mean,scans are done around 20-25 weeks, and it is usually those scans that show the problem, if someone terminates for medical reasons on grounds of disability in the child.
YOu can't limit it to medical reasons after 16 weeks neither, as, I suppose a woman's feeling and situation can change throughout her pg. And of course...medical reasons...well...it's such a loose term that could mean just about anything.
As I said in the toher thread, seeing that I have a bilateral cleft lip and palate, I know that a cleft is NOT a valid reason, in my opinion, to abort. And as far as I know that late termination of the cleft lip Baby was done because they believed there was enough evidence to believe that the BAby had other problems, too, whihc, as far as I know wasn't the case...but that is not based on anyhting else but the articles I have read in papers, and online, and we all know that one can't always believe what one reads.
It's not that I disagree with your wish that the law would be changed, however, I can't see that happening, and if it would happen it would have implications on Childbirth choices altogether.

hm...but saying, "think hard before you make that decision, because it cold effect you longterm emotionally, etc..." is not about making a judgement, is it....it is about asking the other person to think it through.

I had one at 18. It was absolutely the right thing for me to do at the time. That is NOT to say that it was easy but I have never wished that I could go back and choose differently.

I am 41 and most of my friends who are in my age froup have had one. We all married later in life. I guess it must be difficult not to have a contraception failure over time perhaps? And then it depends entirely on your circumstances what you do about it.

Interestingly enough, having the ds's has only made me realize even more that termination was the right choice all those years ago. I had no idea back then just how hard it is to raise a child but instinctively knew that I wasn't up to it.

And the schmuck who would have been the father definitely wasn't up to it.

muminfife, well, always, of course is far to much of a fleeting statement, of course....
and yes, I agree it has to be done non-judgemental...which is probably very difficult for a lot of people...I mean, it's human nature to judge etc...

(tiptoes in from the other thread)

I know this is pedantic, but I am genuinly interested: who/where is the post where anyone, let alone several people, have "spouted" that abortion ALWAYS causes long-lasting emotional damage? I thought I had read that thread pretty carefully, but I seem to have missed this.

Surely the sentiment behind the thread title is a bit of a no-brainer?

A bit like its disgusting not to clear up dog poo?

"A bit like its disgusting not to clear up dog poo?"
?????????????????????????????????????????

On the adoption front- as some will know, my FIL was found abandoned as a toddler

he was adopted (by the mum of a nurse in the orphanage)

he has had a very happy life, loves his family immensely and wouldnt change what happened

I know not of his mother (would like to) but it shows not all those involved in adoptions lose

Susanjayneh - it's actually none of your F** business why other women choose to terminate their pregnancies. But it's very rare indeed that women choose to terminate pregnancies because they're stupid, lazy or evil. Reasons for terminating pregnancies other than rape include: finding out there's something wrong with the foetus, not wanting to carry a pregnancy to term, health problems in the woman which mean she may well die if she carries a pregnancy to term,not wanting to carry a pregnancy to term, having become unexpectedly pregnant when there's already a seriously disabled child to care fore and/opr a genetic likelihood of this pregnancy resulting in a similarly severly disabled child, not wanting to carry a pregnancy to term, having sudden serious family/frienship traumas that mean carrying on with a pregnancy would be disastrous/not wanting to carry a pregnancy to term.
No one else has the right to force a woman either to terminate a pregnancy or to continue a pregnancy. Women are autonymous human beings. Stitch that.

nicely put madamez

Madamezy -- I suggest you read my post correctly before spouting your guilt ridden rubbish! I made it quite clear that I totally support abortion in exceptional circumstances - you cannot convice me for a minute there are 400 of these a day - contraception does not fail that badly if you bother to use it properly, and I have known several women who have used abortion as a method of contraception - don't be so naieve to believe it doesn't happen.

Twoisenough, it's a comment that is made every time there's an abortion thread - I assume the only reason it hasn't been made here is that it's contained in the title (albeit contradicted). There have been posters in the past who have got very dramatic about it, as if abortion is always a mental health crisis that will affect you for decades.

Had an abortion some 15 years ago. Had just met the man who later became my dh. I was on the pill and had been for years. Had just split up with a previous partner (who I left for dh). Had known dh for 3 months, had just strarted new impressive job, was heavily in debt due to personal poll tax non-payment protest

It was the only choice for me at that time. It wasn't something I feel I want to ever do again.
I was mildly depressed (reactive) just afterwards. I have never regretted it, though I still sometimes think about what the child might have been like. But I know what my life would have been like if I had had that baby.

IMO, shit happens. And it happens to everyone. Some people have better coping mechanisms, and are better at handling stress (and that is dependant on all sorts of things, not neccessarily in our control). The same thing can happen to 10 diffferent women and each woman will feel differently about their experience.

There are some things nobody should judge a person for. If you are a religious person, and you feel it is wrong, fine. Go pray for us, whatever, but please just let women make their own choices.

Well said Madamez
And to the OP, those who spout this can do what they like and its got not a lot to do with you

think i'll stay away from the other thread if some of the posts here are typical of sentiment.

The way I see it is this, people chose to react to situations, they chose how to deal with them, they chose how to handle the consequences. If a woman regrets having a termination thats also her choice, and I certainly doubt anyone goes through a medical intervention lightly.

What she does with that regret or how she handles it is something different - its about her response not her abortion. we all have the ability to process difficult things and find our own way of dealing with them, and for some that may require professional assistance and for some that may require a dose of 'get on with life' hard talk. If you're a 'get on with it' person you'll recover quickly. If you are a wallow in memories person then you won't.

{ducks}

Well said meowmix

Invariably though the ones that judge are the ones that have never been there. It?s easy to say that something is wrong if you?ve never experienced it.

My mum had an abortion when I was 7. Her contraceptive failed and she ended up with an unplanned pregnancy and because she didn?t want another disabled child (despite the fact that I am not severely disabled and am very independent) she chose to terminate the pregnancy. She was sterilized at the same time. Was she emotionally scarred by the experience? No absolutely not. She absolutely did what she thought was the right thing to do because she did not want another child like me. She did admit to me some years later that she might have acted differently if she?d known how I would have turned out, but she still never regretted it.

The impact on me however was tremendous. As I grew up the thought of my mum having terminated a pregnancy, effectively because of me, left me with a lot of guilt. For many years I felt very responsible for that termination. After all, if I hadn?t been visually impaired she would have had the baby, so to me, it was all my fault. It took a lot of time for me to come to terms with the fact that she had made the decision, and that I was in no way responsible.

However, as guilty as I felt about all that, nothing effected me and made me feel guilty as much as the judgemental, self righteous people who, when discussing abortions, felt that the only way to refer to someone who had a termination as a murderer.

People make decisions based on their circumstances at the time. I do know of people who have used abortion as contraception and IMO it?s wrong, but that?s my opinion to keep, not to spread, because you never know just who you might be upsetting when spouting your judgements.

Susanjayneh - I feel to see why supporting the right of every woman to make the choice that best suit her with regard to continuing or terminating a pregnancy should make me "guilt-ridden". As to whether or not you "support" abortion, what makes you think another woman's decision is any of your f*ing business - or anyone else's business other than the woman and her doctors?

I think your lack of credible comment and having to resort to your foul language says it all really......

Have to agree with madamez
Why should she be guilt-ridden for having an opinion.

Interesting article here about lack of knowledge about sex and conception.