woman given wrong baby, their baby returned at 8 months.

[albazavi]

Saw this story on the news this morning and it's got me thinking. If you were given a baby that wasn't yours and you loved it for 8 months, would you give it back because it wasn't biologically yours?

I don't know what I'd do, having a 2 month old makes me think I wouldn't be able to do it.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-36432343

By 8 months I was already fully attached to DD. There's no way. I could have gave her up.

Giving birth is one thing. Parenting and bonding with a child is very much another.

Thing is tho... It's not about the parents of their feelings.... It's about the child. And their rights

You'd have to give the child up

In the mid-seventies, my mum was given the wrong baby when my brother was born. She'd had a Caesarian under anaesthetic, and was put in another woman's bed, and it wasn't spotted until the shift-change when the nurses realised the mistake. My mum says that she was having real trouble bonding with the baby she was initially given, and guiltily felt he was ugly...when everything was rectified, apparently even that baby's real mother (though delighted with him) called him Froggy .

Why are babies ever separated from the mothers at birth?! Apart from medical reasons. I couldn't have my son away from my sight for months after birth!

My mother was given the wrong baby. She also thought the baby was ugly, I don't know if that's a primal thing. the woman opposite cried out " you've got my baby" and the nurses came in. Outrageous really.

I remember that Odyssey film 'Switched at Birth' based on a true story. Good film.

My first was born early at home with the midwife that I had been seeing & a paramedic.

We were straight into the ambulance & then he was whisked away to be checked whilst I was given tea & biscuits & left for what was the longest half hr of my life.

Then I was taken to scbu to see him. I really can't remember at what point we were both given name tags but it wasn't immediately The midwife stayed with him though & I guess the chances of another 29weeker being rushed in were slim.

neverbuy thank you so much for the link to the NY times article. Beautiful writing and fascinating content. Have been sat here enthralled. I would have liked more detail on the saliva testing - I assume the ''biological protection'' for two of the twins hadn't made a huge impact? that said personality wise Jorge and Wilbur did seem more content...Nurture over nature as William seemed to have had a harder time of it (never getting to meet his biological mum seemed like an extra kick in the teeth), Carlos having the most to 'lose' in terms of personal identity, framing of relationship with his dead mum, resentment from William, obligation to his birth mum. Really well written. Thank you x

www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/360/switched-at-birth

Link to the programme mentioned above. Thank you Lules
I have to do some work so do not have an hour but will listen to it later thanks xx
Transcript also available from those who prefer written to auditory:
www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/360/transcript

It is a difficult subject. The women in the OP had had the babies for sixteen weeks before swapping back but not sure at what point the DNA testing had taken place or how long they had instinctively known for, or even if the second mum, never mentioned, had suspected.
In the American life above, one mum knew from day one.
I bonded with my three pretty much straight away despite PND (I was profoundly lucky) and bf them all to toddlerhood: breaking point fatigue wise was always around the two month mark but they are smiling by then so you know, swings, roundabouts...I just cannot imagine, if bonded, how the hell you'd survive. If not bonded, the sense of betrayal mentioned by the mum, and the sense of loss must still be profound.

www.goodreads.com/book/show/149036.The_Boy_on_the_Bus

I read this years ago and found it interesting (fiction) although I need to revisit it as I remember being vaguely disappointed by the ending but have forgotten how it ends.
It fits thematically as does the film Changeling with Angelina Jolie (Both the 'wrong' children are older). Jolie lost out to Winslett in the Oscar stakes but I preferred Changeling to The Reader. Jolie played it perfectly and it was truly disturbing, particularly as based on real events.

There was a tremendous row in the operating theatre in the ME when I had my dd. The paediatric doctor lifted her up ( perfectly healthy baby) and said " right I'm taking her to the nursery no parents allowed and I want to perform a medical check- my special tools are there"

My then dh physically had to stop him, the surgeon sewing me up after the cs was shouting for security to remove the doctor and get the baby. Fucking mayhem.

The midwife at the hospital told me I had to keep my baby in the nursery as otherwise she'd be stolen when I was sleeping. The doctor was horrified and said I could have her with me. We still had to sign a disclaimer that we were risking the baby being taken.

After I was born I wasn't sleeping at all so my mum couldn't sleep either. Eventually one of the nurses on the ward took me off her so she could have a rest. When she woke, a different nurse brought me back to her... except it wasn't me. My mum noticed straight away and they found me in the nursery. Makes you wonder how often it has happened.

When DD1 was born, she was tagged but the tag was too big (DD1 was born at 37 weeks weighing 6lb, so not exactly teeny tiny) and it just fell off. Nobody was bothered or tried to tighten it etc. I don't think security in hospital is that tight really littlemonkey5. Also she was born by crash section, so DH wasn't allowed in the room and I was under GA so neither of us saw her immediately after birth.
I'm pretty sure she's ours though - she is identical to DH in every way!

I had a CS with my first and both of us were very ill afterwards. He was taken straight to SCBU and I was eventually taken down in a wheelchair when he was a week old. They wheeled me through the unit and I had a fleeting thought that they could give me any baby and I wouldn't know. I remember getting near to one baby who had masses of tubes and wiring and I prayed that the child wasn't mine. My little boy was further along and also tubed up but not as much so I was relieved but sometimes think about the other baby and wonder if he lived. I was able to have a minutes cuddle with my baby and it was wonderful to hold him. Those days you didn't even get a photo and I had felt so empty not seeing him. I did think it would have been better to bring the baby to me first not wheel me past all those babies with me wondering if they would give me the right one. They did and he is a wonderful son.
It must have been heartbreaking for those parents. Makes you wonder why it takes so long after the DNA test is so clear. Agonising for them.

There was a case reported on the BBC a couple of years ago where they didn't find out for 12 years.

This next bit might sound like it should be in Relationships rather than In the News, but one of the women got divorced and her exDH refused to pay child maintenance on the grounds that he wasn't the father so the court ordered a dna test and they found out that, no, he wasn't the father but also that she wasn't the mother either:-

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-15521803

There was a follow up story a couple of years later about how the families were coping:-

siberiantimes.com/other/others/features/our-babies-were-swapped-at-birth-14-years-ago-and-this-is-how-were-coping/

It's an awful situation. I'm sure I'd want both babies: the one I'd taken home and the one I'd gestated.

Rooming in is a wonderful thing for uncomplicated births.

I think I have the wrong one - that stomping farting 18yr old can't really be one of mine - wonder where the real (perfect) child of mine is...

I cannot even begin to imagine how I would feel, in these circumstances...I'd probably never get over it!