Appletini - I think you did exactly the right thing for you, for your own self-preservation, and no-one should question that.
I suspect that sanfairyann was talking about a loved one who commits a crime against another person, not the relative, but even then, I doubt it is as clear cut as always loving the sinner but hating the sin.
Hecate's post seems to spell it out with great clarity and wisdom - there are many reasons why someone would stand by a family member who had committed a heinous crime - and there are many reasons why someone might not stand by their relative. It is hard for any of us to know what we would do, if we haven't been in that situation.
I know it is not the same, but I have been told in the past that I should forgive the boys who bullied me, and left me with a life-long legacy of depression and low self esteem. They say I should forgive them not for them, but for myself, because lack of forgiveness will eat away at me. But recently I read something which really struck a chord with me.
Saying someone 'should' forgive their abuser/attacker is denying the very real emotions that that person is feeling - emotions they have every right to have, and that they need to work through in their own time.
Forgiveness may come in time - but in the meantime, I refuse to feel that I am in the wrong because I haven't forgiven them yet. And if that is true for me, how much more is it true for people who have suffered far worse abuse than I ever did.
I am so sorry that you have been in that place, and I hope that you have found peace and happiness now.